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LGBT, Sexuality and Gender Identity Whether you're LGBT, questioning, have gender identity issues, or have entirely unrelated feelings, this forum is here to help.

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Telling people im gay when im really not - January 7th 2019, 03:55 AM

The title says it all. I tell people that im gay and that i only like girls but thats not true. For a period of time it was but now its not. Problem is im scared to say that im actually bisexual because of my appearance. I dont look like a girl even though i am. I can't see a guy falling in love or wanting to be in a relationship with me. I dont know what to do and its making me sad.
   
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Re: Telling people im gay when im really not - January 7th 2019, 04:57 PM

In my freshman year of high school, I did something similar among my group of friends. Told all my friends and my parents dispute being confused.
Your good friends will understand that you thought you were gay, but are still figuring out your own sexuality. Most girls and many guys question their sexuality (and gender), so there's a chance a few of them can relate. In a few years, people you barely talk to (that you told) won't remember.

Hope this helps a little



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Re: Telling people im gay when im really not - January 7th 2019, 05:16 PM

Hey Ashley, don't feel bad for what you did! Our teenage years can be a very confusing time, especially when it comes to our sexuality; whether we're interested in the same or opposite sex, or both. I don't think there was anything wrong with what you did. If your friends are the people that understands how sexuality can be confusing to someone so young, then they will accept it. You've still got a long time to discover who you are as a person, and that's including your sexual orientation.

I was actually thinking earlier today, hair does not define sexual orientation. There are straight female with short hair, such as pixie cuts. Then there are lesbian or bisexual female who have long hair. That doesn't make you any less straight, bi, lesbian.
   
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Re: Telling people im gay when im really not - January 8th 2019, 12:14 AM

Loads of guys aren't into girls who fit into feminine types, like your sexuality, not all men have a rigid sense of sexuality and might be bisexual and find you attractive even if your not very girly. It's totally ok.

I think the bigger concern for me is that it seems like you're insecure about your appearance. While being more androgynous is awesome, and if that's your identity, do it (I have many friends who might identity as female, male, or nonbinary but preger a more androgynous appearance!), I can't help but wonder if you feel insecure about not fitting into stereotypical gender norms. I would just like to call you in to question why. It could be totally normal -- we all know that we're being ourselves and just struggle to assert ourselves with confidence. It can be hard if you also feel societal pressure. If there is another reason, you might want to think about it (e.g maybe you want to be "girlier") but only do that if you want to

This is your story though; tell people when you want them to know. Tell people in stages (e.g. close friends first, in a social media blast, etc)
   
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Re: Telling people im gay when im really not - January 8th 2019, 04:06 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Latte View Post
Loads of guys aren't into girls who fit into feminine types, like your sexuality, not all men have a rigid sense of sexuality and might be bisexual and find you attractive even if your not very girly. It's totally ok.

I think the bigger concern for me is that it seems like you're insecure about your appearance. While being more androgynous is awesome, and if that's your identity, do it (I have many friends who might identity as female, male, or nonbinary but preger a more androgynous appearance!), I can't help but wonder if you feel insecure about not fitting into stereotypical gender norms. I would just like to call you in to question why. It could be totally normal -- we all know that we're being ourselves and just struggle to assert ourselves with confidence. It can be hard if you also feel societal pressure. If there is another reason, you might want to think about it (e.g maybe you want to be "girlier") but only do that if you want to

This is your story though; tell people when you want them to know. Tell people in stages (e.g. close friends first, in a social media blast, etc)
Im not insecure about my appearance. The problem is is that most people think that im a boy because of how i dress( like a guy) and my hair(i have a mohawk). So im thinking no man will want to be in a relationship with me because of that.
   
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Re: Telling people im gay when im really not - January 8th 2019, 06:21 PM

Ok good, well, like I said, loads of men and women have fluid sexuality; the fact that you look like a boy wouldn't be a problem for loads of guys.
   
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Re: Telling people im gay when im really not - January 11th 2019, 06:38 AM

As other posters have already mentioned, sexuality is fluid. Realizing that your identity has changed/is different than you previously thought is completely valid! I actually had a similar experience when I was younger. I started out by identifying as bisexual and later came to realize that I was actually a lesbian and had, in some ways, just been hoping to be bi. As we get older and learn more about ourselves, identities can definitely start to change. The thing that truly matters is you finding an identity that you feel most comfortable with and that you think truly describes you. If bisexuality is that identity, that's great!

I know it's easier said than done, but try to put your concerns about guys wanting to be in a relationship with you to rest. Everyone is attracted to different types of people, which means there are certainly going to be guys that find you attractive, even if you don't have a stereotypically feminine appearance. Besides, your looks absolutely should not be the primary thing that any guy (or girl) focuses on about you. The right man will find you attractive for all of the amazing qualities that you possess. To them, your looks will just be an added bonus!


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