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LGBT, Sexuality and Gender Identity Whether you're LGBT, questioning, have gender identity issues, or have entirely unrelated feelings, this forum is here to help.

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I think my family hates me, help me? - January 16th 2019, 01:33 AM

I think my family hates me.

When I was 17, she read my diary and saw I had wrote about being a lesbian, my older sister has bullied me constantly. She gives mean looks and she says mean things about LGBT people. She hates lgbt people.

I've been confused about my sexuality since high school. I've come out to my mom many times as different sexualities. Whenever I talk to her she ignores me or she becomes angry at me. She refuses to believe that I'm anything but straight. It's like she's forcing me to be straight.

My mom and my sister are making me worse. I am depressed and anxious all the time. I feel trapped. I don't know what to do. I have no friends to talk to about this and I recently stopped seeing a counselor. I feel alone all the time.
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Re: I think my family hates me, help me? - January 17th 2019, 02:26 AM

I'm sorry you're dealing with this, having a homophobic family can be hard to deal with when you aren't straight. The sad reality is that a lot of people have to deal with families like yours and even though homophobes shouldn't exist anymore, they still do. Seeing as your family is ignoring you when you try to come out and even your sister is bullying you, it might be good to stop trying to come out. I know hiding your identity can hurt, especially when it's from people who are supposed to love you, however you could be putting yourself in harms way.

It might be better to just come out when you have moved out of your families house, although you also don't necessarily have to come out again. You have done it several times and even though you aren't 100% sure of your identity, you still don't have to come out again even when you are sure, if you ever are. Not everyone figures it out perfectly and that is okay. You are allowed to just date who you want to date and your parents won't be able to do anything about it when you've moved out.

Do you have any friends you can talk to? When I was questioning my identity what really helped was having supportive friends and also websites like this one and others, and it allowed me to figure out my identity at my own pace without having my parents constantly judging me. If you don't have friends you can talk to then websites for lgbt people could also help.

I hope your situation improves soon.

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Re: I think my family hates me, help me? - January 19th 2019, 04:04 PM

I'm sorry that your mom and sister are being so unkind about your sexuality. There is nothing wrong with being gay and it makes me sad to hear that your sister openly hates lgbtq+ people despite knowing that you identify as lesbian (or whatever label works for you). The part that gets me is that she's effectively reducing people to their sexuality and even though your sexuality matters, to me hating someone for being gay is as ludacris as hating someone for speaking English, or not speaking English well enough, or being black, or being a woman, or being a man, or anything else, and while there are certainly many people who harbour these feelings, I think the important thing to remember is that is is their issue, and while it can make you feel disliked, unsafe, and a lot of horrible things, it's also not on you to change who you are to accommodate their hatred and their negativity.

I think that it might be worth your time to take protective measures -- you shouldn't have to deal with abusive treatment (remember that abuse can be verbal and emotional) and a guidance counsellor or therapist can probably help you establish a plan to be safe
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Re: I think my family hates me, help me? - January 24th 2019, 06:36 AM

It breaks my heart to hear that you're being treated so poorly by your family just for being who you are. Its unfortunate that there are still people in this world who see being a member of the LGBTQ+ community as something shameful. I know it's easy to take their comments personally, but remember that their negativity speaks so much more about them and their closed-mindedness than it ever will about you.

You mentioned that you don't have a lot of friends to talk to about this. Perhaps you could try looking into LGBTQ+ groups at your school or in your community. If your school has a GSA, that would be a great place to start! If not, local youth clubs or universities may have groups that are open to the public. While it certainly won't change the things that are going on at home, surrounding yourself with people who have been in your shoes, whether it's in similar home situations or just in the journey to discovering their sexuality, can make a huge difference and help you feel less alone.

If you don't feel safe at home, it might be best to go back into the closet for a while. Intuition might say that it's taking a step back, but that isn't true at all. Personally, I think it's very brave to do what you need to do in order to ensure your safety and well-being at home until you're able to move out or get into an environment that is more accepting.

In the meantime, remember that the LGBTQ+ community is big, vibrant, and incredibly loving. I, along with everyone else who is a part of the community (and let's not forget our wonderful allies!) are cheering you on and welcome you with open arms. This journey can be a tough one, but remember that you are loved and accepted for exactly who you are by people all over the world, even those you haven't met yet. We're all in this together.

Please feel free to reach out anytime you need to talk! I promise you it will get better.

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Re: I think my family hates me, help me? - February 21st 2019, 02:02 PM

This is your life. You will not live with them all your life
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