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LGBT, Sexuality and Gender Identity Whether you're LGBT, questioning, have gender identity issues, or have entirely unrelated feelings, this forum is here to help.

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Ditzy Mermaid Offline
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Asexual or Demisexual - December 7th 2020, 08:45 PM

I always thought I was demisexual but lately it seems like I may be asexual.

I use to masturbate a lot it wasn't because I was reading smut or watching porn. Anyways I had a spike of hypersexual about three months ago for two weeks but now none of it appeals to me.

I can look at naked pictures and feel nothing and lude pictures are grossing me out not. The only thing I really know I want to do is kiss my GF for reals we are long distance. Maybe sexual but it isn't something I think about our have a desire to do.

If anyone can give me advice I'd appreciate it.

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Everglow. Offline
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Jeez, get a life!
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Re: Asexual or Demisexual - December 29th 2020, 03:38 PM

Hey! Sorry this hasn't had any replies yet!

I'm asexual myself and I've done a lot of exploring online to try and educate myself about what that means for me and for other people, and here's what I've learnt:

Everyone is different.

Masturbation, looking at porn, naked pictures, kissing etc doesn't necessarily indicate your sexuality. Asexuality is about sexual attraction, not how your body does or doesn't respond to sexual stimuli. I'm almost 100% sure I'm asexual, but I also go through phases where my libido is higher, but the difference is that it's not in response to sexual attraction to a person, it's just how my body responds to certain things, and that's natural.

There are also different subcategories in asexuality which I think could easily be applied to demisexuality too. It's possible that you just have a low libido. The whole point of demisexuality is that you need to have a close connection in order to experience the sexual attraction that other people experience. That might fluctuate. You might be somewhere on the grey/demisexual scale, whereby you occassionally experience sexual attraction, but not regularly.

My advice would be, be open to labels and don't feel like you have to pick one and mould yourself into it somehow. Labels are there as a guideline, but they're socially constructed terms that aren't made to perfectly fit everyone. You're perfectly valid whether you realise in a while that you're asexual, demisexual, grey-ace or any other form of sexuality. If you're on facebook, there are groups that you can join too with whole communities of people who fall in different slots all along the spectrum, and for me those groups have given me so much insight into how felixible these labels can be.

I hope I've helped a little bit. If you ever want to talk it through you're welcome to message me. I might not know loads as I feel like I'm learning all the time about different asexual experiences, but I'm always open to getting to know people who see the world a bit like I do!

Hope you're well!

A paradox:
The things you donít need to liveó
books, art, cinema, wine, and so onó
are the things you need to live

- Matt Haig

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Re: Asexual or Demisexual - January 1st 2021, 10:32 PM

I admit being at a complete loss as to the many various forms of sexuality, but if you find yourself comfortable in this demisexuality with your girlfriend who is equal to you and loving, then settle into it and find deep contentment in what you both are. It is the living out of your sexuality or lifestyle that matters most. Being happy together is everything.

I recognize as lesbian, but am uninterested in pornography whereas others enjoy exhibitionism and videos of whatever turns them on, but be of legal age as it is important. I know that straight people can watch porn, but porn in itself, picture or videos of such, does not define a person's sexuality.

So many of us are different. But perhaps individually you could contact your local LGBT offices to get advice and later discuss your findings together on Zoom or some similar instant chat thingy. Sorry, I'm not too informed with messengering services other than Face-time.

Goodnight. Hugs. Happy New Year.
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asexual, demisexual

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