how do i sort out feelings?

[BoyNextDoor]

i’ve been unable to receive help regarding this so far and i don’t wanna get into details about it publicly so i’ll make it short:
i think i might like my best friend more than i thought. i’m not sure what to make of this bcuz i’m not gay. i don’t understand what’s happening or why and dreams i’ve been having so far only make me question myself even more. it’s messing with my head…


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[Everglow.]

Hi Drew,

I'm sorry you've not found any support or help regarding this so far. Sometimes sexuality topics are complicated and take time to figure out (trust me, I've been there!), but asking for help is a good start and I hope you're slowly but surely able to find comfort in who you are.

I think it's very normal for people to question their feelings towards close friends. Finding ways to label that is hard too, and it's totally okay to not be gay but to still have some feelings towards your best friend. There are a million and one labels out there - not to overwhelm you too much! Sometimes you have to try a few on to see what fits best, and there's no rush in figuring that out.

What you're describing could indicate that you may be bi/pansexual. This is when you are attracted to two or more genders - and it's very common. It might also mean nothing at all, but it's for you to determine. Something I found really helpful when I was questioning my own sexuality was 'TH's Queer Dictionary!'. This thread has a really useful list of terms and labels, so you could always have a read through to see whether any of these resonate with you.

My inbox is always open, so please know you can PM me any time.

[BoyNextDoor]

i highly doubt it’s love bcuz i’ve felt strongly about girls before so i know i’m not gay or bi. this is just as strong but it seems different (if that makes sense). it’s kinda hard to explain what u don’t even understand urself fr and if i were bi or pan, wouldn’t i be interested in the other gender in general? only towards 1 person is quite specific

thx for ur reply btw. i pmed u


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[BoyNextDoor]

it's been 2 months since and still no clarification as to what i'm feeling

[Astro04]

Hi!
Well, a specific gender is something more that one specific person or thing. That will be obsession.
If you like the other sex, means that you are an eterosexual person. Now the big question is: are you feel yourself as the gender you actually are or the other?

[BoyNextDoor]

i'm definitely male and i don't feel or wanna be female tbh

[Astro04]

So, it will be surely a thing that you might like. You see in him a perfect "example" of what you will. That explains why you like him.

[BoyNextDoor]

Originally Posted by Astro04

So, it will be surely a thing that you might like. You see in him a perfect "example" of what you will. That explains why you like him.

what’s a thing i might like? i don’t follow sry

[Astro04]

Well, maybe you like his posture, for example, and took him as an example that you might like!

[BoyNextDoor]

Originally Posted by Astro04

Well, maybe you like his posture, for example, and took him as an example that you might like!

nah we're childhood friends so it goes way beyond that lolll

[Astro04]

Okay, than that's kinda hard to find this particular think then. Maybe something he did? Like his behaviour?

[BoyNextDoor]

idk i just like him. he's cool and funny we have the same kind of humor and we mostly play the same things! we're always down to join eachother's mischief

[Ennui.]

and if i were bi or pan, wouldn’t i be interested in the other gender in general? only towards 1 person is quite specific

I think that sexuality is a fluid thing. Sometimes people identify as a certain sexuality, such as straight, and then find that one person of the same sex that they just really click with. If that's the case, it doesn't have to change your label, because how you identify yourself is up to you. It's a personal choice, and anyone who thinks otherwise isn't someone you want to be around.
So basically, while it is specific it can happen!

[BoyNextDoor]

Originally Posted by Wheek!

I think that sexuality is a fluid thing. Sometimes people identify as a certain sexuality, such as straight, and then find that one person of the same sex that they just really click with. If that's the case, it doesn't have to change your label, because how you identify yourself is up to you. It's a personal choice, and anyone who thinks otherwise isn't someone you want to be around.
So basically, while it is specific it can happen!

it might influence our future interactions though. how do i know if it's platonic friendship or smth more?

Originally Posted by BoyNextDoor

it might influence our future interactions though. how do i know if it's platonic friendship or smth more?

As Dez said, the great thing about sexuality is that it's fluid. It's very common in people of all ages, genders, races, ethnicities, and socioeconomic statuses to experience feelings of attraction they don't understand, and to question their sexuality as a result. It's perfectly normal!

I know the importance of trying to decide and find a label, but sometimes it's not the easiest or simplest thing to do, especially in a case like this, and that is totally okay. I know you're worried about it influencing future interactions, but I don't think that needs to be your biggest worry right now. Honestly, it sounds like you have a really good friend who supports and cares for you, and while at this time it seems a little strange or confusing, it doesn't mean you have to dwell on it, or feel like it'll make things weird.

We worry often about what other people think, and the truth is they can't read our minds, so things are often not as obvious, and many times as not a big a deal in many cases, as we think they are. I promise. So for now, let yourself relax and enjoy your friendship, while keeping in mind that your feelings have changed, and that's okay. You don't have to rush to figure it out. In fact, the less you pressure yourself to find an answer, the more clear it will become in time.

Take care!

[BoyNextDoor]

Originally Posted by Subversive

As Dez said, the great thing about sexuality is that it's fluid. It's very common in people of all ages, genders, races, ethnicities, and socioeconomic statuses to experience feelings of attraction they don't understand, and to question their sexuality as a result. It's perfectly normal!

I know the importance of trying to decide and find a label, but sometimes it's not the easiest or simplest thing to do, especially in a case like this, and that is totally okay. I know you're worried about it influencing future interactions, but I don't think that needs to be your biggest worry right now. Honestly, it sounds like you have a really good friend who supports and cares for you, and while at this time it seems a little strange or confusing, it doesn't mean you have to dwell on it, or feel like it'll make things weird.

We worry often about what other people think, and the truth is they can't read our minds, so things are often not as obvious, and many times as not a big a deal in many cases, as we think they are. I promise. So for now, let yourself relax and enjoy your friendship, while keeping in mind that your feelings have changed, and that's okay. You don't have to rush to figure it out. In fact, the less you pressure yourself to find an answer, the more clear it will become in time.

Take care!

dang i didn't know it was that common!
he's a very good friend yeah
i don't have to rush but i'll have to figure it out eventually. i literally can't be like "that"...maybe i should try and find a gf too to see if it goes back to normal with my best friends.

Originally Posted by BoyNextDoor

dang i didn't know it was that common!
he's a very good friend yeah
i don't have to rush but i'll have to figure it out eventually. i literally can't be like "that"...maybe i should try and find a gf too to see if it goes back to normal with my best friends.

If you don't mind, may I ask what you mean by "that," and why you feel you can't be that way?

[BoyNextDoor]

Originally Posted by Subversive

If you don't mind, may I ask what you mean by "that," and why you feel you can't be that way?

i mean liking other boys. and bcuz my foster parents are up to their ears in religion so it wouldn’t be good


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Originally Posted by BoyNextDoor

i mean liking other boys. and bcuz my foster parents are up to their ears in religion so it wouldn’t be good


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Ah, thank you for clarifying. I can see why that might be scary. Regardless of what your sexuality may or may not be, it can be intimidating to even entertain the idea of believing in or being something different than what the people who care for you would support or approve of. I hope you are able to continue to find support for what you need in all areas of your life, and I hope you know we are here for you.

[BoyNextDoor]

Originally Posted by Subversive

Ah, thank you for clarifying. I can see why that might be scary. Regardless of what your sexuality may or may not be, it can be intimidating to even entertain the idea of believing in or being something different than what the people who care for you would support or approve of. I hope you are able to continue to find support for what you need in all areas of your life, and I hope you know we are here for you.

it is…and thx it means a lot!


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[roshnikhanna]

Expressing love for friends is a completely normal thing to do – in fact, being open about how much you care about your friends will probably do wonders to strengthen your relationship!

[Corti]

Hope you feel better now and have less worries about your feelings. I want to say it is good that you can understand your feelings and can talk about it

[popinin]

I have encountered this sometimes, too. My friends and I joke a lot about different gay topics like "We love each other, or about supposedly doing anal every day," but my friends have girlfriends and girls don't like me. Sometimes it seems like I would try to create a relationship with a man, but I also have a sexual interest in girls. I'm confused.