I feel like both...

[LostHERmind]

I'm so annoyed right now, I could honestly cry.
I am a female by birth, but sometimes I just don't feel like I am.
I have to say, it might be because of my friends, but I've always preferred certain boyish things and stuff...
Anyway, I'm really upset right now because I'm so frustrated with my chest and other parts. I really really REALLY feel like I need to be a boy/male right now. and I can't and it really hurts this time that I can't.
I mostly just want to talk and rant I suppose? I dunno... Just does anyone else feel this way? What do you do about it?
I don't want to bind or get surgery- I mean half the time I'm quite happy female, and I don't want someone I know to think I'm copying them because I want to bind now... I just- arg. I'm really upset.

[PhoenixAlive]

I am a female-to-male transsexual, and I feel like that at least half of the time. Hating my female body-parts, feeling almost physical pain when people called me "she". For me, it got so bad that I was angry all of the time and lashing out at people who didn't deserve it. That's when I decided it was time to consider transitioning to male.

I don't bind yet, and I'm not planning on getting surgery unless its that or suicide. However, I am going to a gender therapist and considering hormones. There are times when I don't have a problem with my original sex. Sometimes for days at a time I don't feel dysphoric. Its confusing and upsetting, but I never WANT to be female, so that helps me remember what I really am.

PM me anytime if you want to talk.

[LostHERmind]

Sorry, what does dysphoric mean? >.>
And I can't say I know what you mean ^^;; *sigh* I'm just kinda... half-and-half... today though I was short with my grandmother for calling me a 'she' and having to wear girly clothes....
Normally I'm an okay inbetween- like I don't care. But I do care today and stuff .

Ah... sorry >.> I'm just confused with the stuff you've said ^^;;

[PhoenixAlive]

Originally Posted by LostHERmind

Sorry, what does dysphoric mean? >.>
And I can't say I know what you mean ^^;; *sigh* I'm just kinda... half-and-half... today though I was short with my grandmother for calling me a 'she' and having to wear girly clothes....
Normally I'm an okay inbetween- like I don't care. But I do care today and stuff .

Ah... sorry >.> I'm just confused with the stuff you've said ^^;;

Gender Dysphoria: A persistent unease with having the physical characteristics of one's gender, accompanied by strong identification with the opposite gender and a desire to live as or to become a member of the opposite gender.

Anyways, you shouldn't worry about feeling in-between. There is a huge range of different levels or degrees of transgendered. You may be a bit of both.

Sorry if that wasn't helpful, but I hope you feel better soon.

[LostHERmind]

It was helpful Thank you so much!
Yeah, I've heard of the spectrum or something where you can feel closer to one or the other or in the middle in varying levels and stuff...
Okay (: thanks

[Invert]

A common umbrella term for gender that isn't straight forward male OR female, which may include male AND female, half-half, switching genders, bigender, agender, genderfluid, etc, is genderqueer. Maybe it'll help to look that up to see that others do feel like you.

I used a few words in there that are other trans terms, like bigender (two genders, at once), agender (no clear gender), genderfluid (like switching, your gender can change), etc. There are lots of catorgories, and there is a non-binary gender movement that is currently growing. There's quite a few genderqueer people on TH.

Also, if you want to bind sometimes, dont not do it incase someone claims you are copying them, if binding will make you feel better on the day. If a trans person you know if going to be that petty, then they need to sort it out. Though if you want to seriously consider binding, it's worth investing in a 'binder', compression top. underworks.com have a range of compression vests, the 'Double Front Compression vest' is popular, and pretty good.

But understandably, you wont want to part with that money straight off regardless. If you want to try binding, if you are going to use bandages, or ace bandages, or whatever they are called, try find the widest ones you can get. I suggest at least two rolls, using the first roll to sort of get you chest in place, not too tightly, then the other roll to try flatten your chest a bit more. That's what I use to do at least. But just experiment. If you are going to do this, be careful not to make it to tight. Remember, you do need to breath! If you feel yourself finding it hard to breath at any point, either take it off, or loosen it. They can tighten as the day goes on. And do not sleep wearing anything binding you!

If you wnt more info on binding, and different techniques (even some that just use sport bras, etc), check out:

http://www.ftmguide.org/binding.html

When i started binding, it was largely just for myself, on my own in my bedroom, because it was something I was doing for me. But sorry I went off on a binding rant

[AmethystDrew]

I'm not transgendered myself, but I have a lot of friends who are, including one of my best friends, who went through about a year of experiencing exactly what you're talking about before deciding to transition to male. So while you can take my advice with a grain of salt, I'm always open to talking things out over MSN/PM/whatever. =]

I agree with Invert, though. If you feel like binding that day will help you feel better, feel better in your skin, then don't let the worry of someone thinking you're copying them stop you! It's something that really helps the friend I mentioned earlier when he's feeling really dysphoric that day.

If you want more information, this and this might be good places to look. =]