Sort Of Messy Situation...help?

[Raylolo]

I had a sleep over with a friend and yesterday morning (like around 1:30am all the way to about 4am)...well....we had sex. I felt totally comfortable with her. The experience was so much different than the other two people (who I was actually dating). It was strange...I felt 100% comfortable with her. I didn't hesitate or feel uncomfortable for even a second. It just felt right.

So, the situation doesn't sound too messy right now, does it? Well, here's where it starts to get messy. While we were kissing she took a break and she asked me "do you want to go out with me?" I was scared at the question! I was scared because I didn't feel ready for another relationship so soon (I just broke up with my ex 2 weeks ago). I didn't answer her...I just kissed her and then continued what we were doing. I guess that makes us friends with benefits...and that's the messy part!

I was talking to her last night. This is the conversation (I'm red she's blue):
"What does this mean for us???"
"What does it mean to you/what do you want it to mean?"
"I want to be with you."
"I'm scared to be in a relationship so soon. I really like you and I feel like I should say yes and be with you, but I'm scared to."
"Take your time... just know I am here for you."
"You are so understanding it's incredible! I just don't want to make it seem like I'm using you! That would be horrible if you ever thought that!"
"I don't think that at all...you are amazing!!!"

And then we had another conversation later (again I'm red she's blue):
"I feel so stupid!!!"
"Why?"
"I am being so incredibly sappy!"
"Sappy???"
"I think about you nonstop...you are all I talk about...it makes me feel stupid!"
"Why in the world would that make you feel stupid? You're silly!"
"Because I feel obsessed...my friend says I am in love...I don't know though...I feel dizzy when I kiss you...I don't know."
"Well it sounds like love to me."
"Yea...but isn't love suppose to be mutual?"
"Yes, I feel strongly for you, but love is a scarey word to me right now and I feel like we need to take things slow. I really want to get to know you."
"I can do that."
"It's ironic...the talk of taking things slow...seeing as of what happened, but nonetheless I want to get to know you and be 100% ready for a relationship first."
"That isn't a big deal...at least we know we are compatible in the bedroom."
"Yeah...I mean I don't really regret it. Sure...it's ironic cause it's totally backwards of how things usually go, but oh well."
"It was amazing...that's for sure!"

Alright, so there are many reasons I think it's a messy situation:
1.She loves me...I'm scared!
2.I'm not 100% ready for another relationship.
3.I don't want to hurt my ex!
4.Seeing her at school tomarrow is going to be awkward.
5.We're friends with benefits now...I never wanted to have a friend with benefits...it makes me feel wrong!
6.I'm confused about my true feelings...I don't know if I love her or if I just like her wayyy to much!

Does anybody have any suggestions? My heart is kind of saying I should go for it and go out with her, but I'm really confused! I just really don't want to make the wrong decision!

[AlmostHeaven]

Well that is a little messy, honestly though, if you dont want to go out with her i wouldnt suggest doing anything els with her because you dont want to lead her on and you def dont want to get confused feelings for her! One of my best friends and i hooked up (and this was my first hook up) on halloween. Since i had shared one of my real first sexual experiences with him it made me feel like i liked him but the truth is, i didnt! I just felt an attachment to him because of what we shared. She might be amazing in bed but are you sure you feel the same way about her that she feels about you? I think you a need a little time before you decide what your feelings are because i was lead on and trust me it hurts :P

[Raylolo]

Originally Posted by AlmostHeaven

Well that is a little messy, honestly though, if you dont want to go out with her i wouldnt suggest doing anything els with her because you dont want to lead her on and you def dont want to get confused feelings for her! One of my best friends and i hooked up (and this was my first hook up) on halloween. Since i had shared one of my real first sexual experiences with him it made me feel like i liked him but the truth is, i didnt! I just felt an attachment to him because of what we shared. She might be amazing in bed but are you sure you feel the same way about her that she feels about you? I think you a need a little time before you decide what your feelings are because i was lead on and trust me it hurts :P

Well, the thing is I think that I do want to go out with her, but I just don't want to make the wrong decision. Like I really feel like I like her right now, but I really had a rough relationship and I'm not over that yet...I don't want to end up in another rough relationship is all. But you are totally right, I don't want to lead her on at all! I keep telling her tht I am not ready for a relationship right now and she keeps saying "well, when and if you are ready...I'm here." I see no harm if I do end up going out with her, but if I don't end up going out with her then there's A LOT of harm that could possibly come from it.

[Thurineth]

I think "Love" is a little too strong a word but its obvious you both like each other a lot, and it may well turn into love.

I know you're scared, I would be too in your situation, but just do what you think is right. If you think its best to wait a little while, do so.

[✿ Orchidaceous]

Hey there. (:

In my personal opinion I think that you should leave it a while. As you said, you're still not over the break up with your ex. Was it a painful break up with your ex or are the two of you still friends? There's no rush to get into another relationship. Sex doesn't necessarily mean that you have to get together. There's nothing wrong with being friends with benefits. Does she know about the situation between you and your ex? If you explain that it's still early days and you don't feel ready to rush into a relationship just yet, but you may feel ready in the future, surely she will understand? You clearly like her a lot, a relationship with her may be on the cards in the future.

You say in your thread; "I just don't want to make it seem like I'm using you!" What makes you feel that it may seem as though you're using her? Liking someone doesn't make you silly, using, or stupid. Just take your time and communicate with her!

How about writing up a list of pros and cons about getting together with her? It could make it easy to decide on what to do next. She sounds like a very understanding, patient girl who really does care about you. If you don't feel ready for a relationship then you definitely have a good friend. There's no need to rush.

Take care.

[lea-x-fallen]

dont be worried, she obviosulty understands you want to take it slow. its a good idea too. to be go into a relationship clear headed

[Raylolo]

Originally Posted by Vlora

I think "Love" is a little too strong a word but its obvious you both like each other a lot, and it may well turn into love.

I know you're scared, I would be too in your situation, but just do what you think is right. If you think its best to wait a little while, do so.

Yeah love is a really strong word! I mean I was in love with my ex and I may very well still be in love with her. Love is a really strong word...just as strong as hate!

And I just got even more scared! She just told me "you are the one I want to be with. I will wait as long as I have to." And it really freaked me out!

Originally Posted by Rie

Hey there. (:

In my personal opinion I think that you should leave it a while. As you said, you're still not over the break up with your ex. Was it a painful break up with your ex or are the two of you still friends? There's no rush to get into another relationship. Sex doesn't necessarily mean that you have to get together. There's nothing wrong with being friends with benefits. Does she know about the situation between you and your ex? If you explain that it's still early days and you don't feel ready to rush into a relationship just yet, but you may feel ready in the future, surely she will understand? You clearly like her a lot, a relationship with her may be on the cards in the future.

You say in your thread; "I just don't want to make it seem like I'm using you!" What makes you feel that it may seem as though you're using her? Liking someone doesn't make you silly, using, or stupid. Just take your time and communicate with her!

How about writing up a list of pros and cons about getting together with her? It could make it easy to decide on what to do next. She sounds like a very understanding, patient girl who really does care about you. If you don't feel ready for a relationship then you definitely have a good friend. There's no need to rush.

Take care.

Me and my ex are still friends, but she really wants to be with me. She is in love with me still!And yes this girl does know about me and my ex. I have explained to her that I'm not ready rightnow and she does understand and I find it really incredible that she is so understanding!
I say "using" because I had sex with her. I don't want her to feel like I am using her for sex.I think I'll try that list idea. Seems like it could be really benificial. Thanks!