Huge Messy Situation.

[Standard]

Hello everyone,

So, my name is Jonathan, and I'm gay. I'm still 100% closeted, but made a point in admitting it to myself three years ago and I knew even before that. I really have no idea exactly how my parents would react if I told them I was gay, but I'm pretty sure they would wholeheartedly disapprove - "fruit" and "fairy" jokes are unfortunately quite common in my house.

I've come to the conclusion that I probably shouldn't tell my parents while I'm still in High School, or in college - I wouldn't be surprised if they decided not to fund a college degree if I told them. School in general has been a problem for me since middle school - I only do about 5% of my homework, and have managed to pull a "C" average or so only because of high test scores. More and more, I'm realizing that the distraction from my school work (which really is easy enough for me) is a result of essentially hiding half of who I am, and so only putting about half of myself forward.

My school itself would be any LGBT kid's dream - it's notorious for it's anti-bullying, tolerant atmosphere, and an active GSA. But really, I don't think I'm emotionally courageous enough to get involved with any of it - I'm also somewhat paranoid about my parents somehow finding out.

Also, another big problem is that I'm just as sure of my dreams as my sexuality. I want a career in the United States Military. I began preparation through studying and cadet activities about two years ago (I'm currently a C/SSgt - or Cadet Staff Sergeant). The military is probably my greatest passion, and I can't really tell you how frustrating it is that one of the most basic parts of my existence (my sexuality) is now interfering with what I want to do in life - of course, this is yet another factor causing me to not try in school.

Sadly, my status as a Cadet also seems to scare off LGBT people I try to befriend at school. Although, since the military discriminates against LGBT people and is for the most part homophobic, I can certainly understand their motivation in trying to avoid me. Fortunately, I've managed to establish myself as a pretty pro-LGBT person in class debates and discussions, so I'm not really viewed as a hostile figure - just an anomaly, I suppose.

I'm not really sure what my motivation in writing all this was, but I'd really appreciate any advice you guys have on my situation - at the moment I'm really just not happy with the way things are going at school, my parent's attitudes, and basically having my life cut down the middle.

[Nishini]

If you want my honesty advice, tell SOMEONE. Someone you trust, someone you know will stick to you. I don't want to sound stereotypical but a female is probably best. It's risky business but it will make life so much easier. Build up a network of people you trust, who know the true you, and who would defend you to their dying breath. Allow yourself to become comfortable with who you are, and know this. My brother, step-brother, mother, and father are all military or air force, and it isn't as homophobic any more. Don't ask don't tell is up for discussion here soon and all signs point to it being shot down. You need to have a tough skin, and to be able to give as good as you get, but I have it on good authority that LGBT make some of the best combatants out there, because we know how to hide. We're practically the pros at it. We know how to weigh the advantages on the spot, and generally we know how to defend ourselves against attack. I'm not saying this is always true, because I know some gay men and woman who couldn't hide in pitch black with camo, but those of us who have not really a better, but a more defensive mindset, like what I'm getting from you, we can hide. I hope this is helpful to you, and PM me whenever you need =)

[Megan09]

I think maybe you would feel less stressed if you told someone? As you said, your school seems very tolerant, so why not take the risk and get involved in some of the activities there, like the GSA? Your parents aren't likely to find out, and it will give you a supportive group of people to lean on.

Also, I agree that it may not be best to tell your parents yet, especially if it may risk your college education. Still, finding some trusted people to talk to will really help, I think, and will hopefull give you more motivation in school.

PM if you want to talk more! Stay strong!

[sfox_2007]

I completely understand what you are feeling. I am a 22 year old bisexual male, and am still closeted. My honest advice to you, is to not tell your parents until you are completely comfortable with it, but to find someone that you trust completely, and tell them, because then at least someone knows and you won't feel like your hiding as much. As long as this person is trustworthy, you won't have to worry about them telling anyone what you told them.