Not a lesbian, but in love with a girl...

[UltraViolet]

Last year my friend at work told me that she was in love with me.
i didnt feel the same.
within the last 3 months, we've been talking alot again.
about 2 months ago i realised that i liked her alot
i missed her all the time
i hated it when i wasnt near her and when i couldnt talk to her.
i felt that she was the only one i could talk to.
but she has a girlfriend.
Shes 27, im 20. shes been with her girlfriend for 7 years.
so i decided not to say anything to her, about me liking her.
but then, she kinda made it obvious that she still liked me.
so i told her. i said how much i missed her, how i felt like i was in love with her. she said she still liked me, but we both agree we wouldnt do anything, because of her girlfriend.
her girlfriend is nice, i've met her and she seems ok. but i do think she takes advantage.
the day after we spoke, we kissed.
and it was amazing, everything felt right.
i've never ever felt like this before, i didnt even think i could.
she knows me, she understands me, despite my problems and she accepts me.
i've never fancied girls, i can admit when i think a girl is pretty but thats it.
im in love with this girl so much.
and i said i was ok with her being with her girlfriend, cos if me and her dont work out, then i dont wanna wreck her life.
shes on holiday now, with her girlfriend and i miss her so much. im so upset.
all i want right now is to be with her, to hold her, to kiss her....
i know that i want a relationship with her, i want her to be mine, forever...
i just feel so lonely and isolated.
i dont have any friends at all.
even if i did i cant really tell them about all this.
im so alone right now
i want her back, i need her

[Beth.]

Try and stay busy so that your mind can roam somewhere else, I think that's all you can really do..? I know how it feels though, to miss someone you shouldn't. She'll be back soon, and I think if she confesses that she missed you too, maybe you guys should considered something. Sure you don't want to break them up but if it's meant to be then it's meant to be. I would also consider the fact that you are bisexual or a lesbian. I personally don't think a girl can be in love with another girl and be labeled as straight, you know? But it's not like labels really matter. Just a thought. I hope it works out for you, and you stay strong until you can speak to her.

[UltraViolet]

thanks for replying beth, it means alot

[Maiden]

I don't think you should worry so much about labels. I personally believe you can fall in love with anyone. I think if you really do want to be with this girl, you need to tell her how you feel and let her decide what she wants. She needs to choose whether she wants you or her girlfriend. Personally, I wouldn't advise fooling around with her while she's still with the other girl, because that's not fair on you or the girlfriend. She should decide who she wants to be with for sure first.

[UltraViolet]

I know its not fair, especially on her girlfriend and i keep saying this to her.
But i cant let her go, no matter how much it hurts me either.
I need her, she means everything to me.
If i told her to choose, maybe in the long run she would choose me, but i cant take that risk

[Invert]

I need her, she means everything to me.
If i told her to choose, maybe in the long run she would choose me, but i cant take that risk

Surely it's better to find out now, before you get in far too deep?

You don't know if she's serious about you. If she is, why is she with this other girl still? Unless she's allowed to have something on the side (some people are allowed), but then that's still not great news for you, unless you want to share, or mind being secondary to the other girl.

She's 27, you are young, and she's the first girl you like. She might be taking advantage, it happens.

I don't mean to be a negative person, but you should approach this with caution.

[UltraViolet]

I'm already in too deep.
She means everything to me, nothing else matters anymore
I would be crushed if she dumped me, so i cant even think about stopping this now.
I need her.
She's told me that she thinks we'll be together one day, but its complicated because of there families.
I just feel so lost without her.

[Invert]

You can get in deeper, it's not a good idea till things are more straightforward. And I know it may feel like you can't get deeper, and that it couldn't hurt more than if you 'lost' her now, but to be blunt, it probably can get much worse.

Also, you say you are straight, but you also sound to need to be loved. You need to work out if that is more of whats going on, or if it is geniune attraction. What is it you want with her? Do you want a sexual relationship? Do you want to be a couple, dating, hand holding, etc?

And again, at the end of the day, I suggest you approach with EXTREME caution, the situation is slightly suspect, and you can potentially get more hurt then if you drop out now. If you don't choose to stop, you need to take it slow, you need to give yourself distance. It sounds like you are going down an unhealthy road of dependence. Don't rely on other people to make your life worthwhile. You will stumble and fall if you do.