Guilt?

[Eldora]

So, the other day, one of my best friends (who knows I'm bi) asked me who my first crush was. Because I didn't want to lie, and I knew she wasn't going to mind, anyway, I told her the truth and said Britney Spears.

Now I feel guilty. I don't know why. I know for sure I'm bi, but... My family really doesn't like gays or bisexuals. They slip in casual things about gays being weird and odd and slightly messed up in the head. Things I heard when I was little about a girl liking girls are really hanging over my head. For instance:

"Of course, there's some that just swing both ways." Forget who said that; it was so long ago I don't remember. Referring to bisexuals, in a negative sense, if that doesn't quite come across.

My mom referring to my bisexual friend (also my crush) at school: "Maybe she's just going through adolescence..." (which I pause to admit in some cases might be true, but this girl's sixteen and about as sure of herself as I am, which is saying something) "... or maybe she's got something wrong in her mind or her body. Maybe a chemical imbalance?"

"Most gay people have been sexually abused by members of their own sex during their childhood." (My mom, grandma, and a lot of other people.)

(A cousin Referring to my other cousin's lesbian older sister) "She's got her likes confused."

(My mom, on seeing the gay couple on Modern Family) "Let's turn this before he [my little brother] starts thinking gays are normal."

So you can probably see why I'm feeling guilty and angry and everything again. On top of this, I'm dealing with some trouble at school, but I think this is actually the most pressing thing right now.

Oh, yeah. And I told one of my friends I'm bi. So, now she flirts with me almost constantly, and even though she says she's lesbian, I've just got this feeling that she's not, that I'm almost 100% sure of. She doesn't realize that she's making me angry and being altogether annoying by flirting with me like this, not to mention being altogether embarrassing, especially because I'm not out to many people yet. I've decided to distance myself from her, for that and other reasons, but I know for a fact she'll talk to me again sometime soon, because we were working on some songs together and were trying to gather up a band for next year's talent show at our school.

And then there's this girl who I've liked forever who thinks she'd like to be a drummer in my band (not saying 'our' band, because it's pretty much just mine, now). No problem at all, really, because we get along just fine and she's one of the few people I can talk to normally despite having a crush on. The only thing I'm having trouble with is figuring out how I'm going to arrange for us to practice, or for me to hear her play. She's the only friend of mine who my mom knows for certain likes girls, and while my mom doesn't necessarily mind her, if we made arrangements to meet outside of school (especially if at hers), Mom would probably be suspicious, even if the only thing we're doing is writing songs and practicing and whatnot.

If you're going to say there's other drummers, yup, there are. But most of them I've talked to are either out of practice, not interested, hard to get along with, or have absolutely no timing with singing or even humming and so I doubt will be able to play drums.

So, question...

1. How to get over that guilt when your family is so prejudiced or feels pity for gays and bisexuals as being mentally challenged or emotionally scarred;
2. How to talk to a friend about not wanting her to flirt with you or to think you love her just because you're bi;
3. How to convince my mother that my female bisexual drummer will not pressure me into anything or sexually assault me, just because she's bisexual.

[Sythan]

Simply explain that to your friend that it makes you uncomfortable. That takes care of that.

It's interesting they should say those thing's, its almost as if they know everything about you considering they are assuming you aren't bisexual and or lesbian. We have to accept some people are just ignorant and biased, if you are feeling comfortable and brave, come out to your family, if albeit slowly. That is, however, your choice.

You have to be up front about your mother's stupidity, does she think every gay person will sexually assualt people when alone? I mean seriously, it sounds completely rediculous even talking about it.

Not every gay, lesbian, or bisexual person is a sexual all the time. Even I, and I consider myself to have a giant libido, don't want to have sex all the time.

I really hope everything works out, if not, there are multiple resources available to struggling LGBTQ Teens all over the United States. Perhaps your school might have a Gay-Straight Alliance.