FtM coming out letter & how?

[Alexanderrrr]

Dear mum,

I am writting this while I lay in bed unable to settle down and sleep. You may ask me 'why can't you sleep?' but I will get to that in a moment.

Before I go on, I want to remind you that you and john have been the best parent and idols to grow up with. That I will always love and idolize you guys no matter the situation, even if I do say 'I hate you' or 'your pathetic' ... Which is very immature of me to even think because I think better of you both. I think highly of you for that matter. I may not show it but deep down iknow that's how I feel about you guys. But mum, I don't want you to tell anyone about this, not even john because it's a personal thing I want to explain to people endividually.

As I write this my hands and whole body are shaking, not from fear but from the unknown. The unknown of what you may think, even though you say you'll love me no matter what I choose in life. I may not tell you everything but I share alot with you, may that be how my day went or what my feelings toward something is.*

This is where I start to express the things which are keeping me up. It may not be of suprise to you guys but it's hard to explain or put my feelings into words or on paper. But i know you are going to be supportive of whatever I tell you.

So hear it goes... When I was younger I dressed and acted like a boy. I was like a 5th son and brother, despite the gender I was assigned from birth with. And when I was younger (although I haven't told you this) I wanted to grow up to be a man, to have a wife and kids.*

But as I grew older and I knoticed all the girls started to grow out of the "Tomboy fase" and I was left wondering why I felt out of place and never felt the need to wear girls clothes and wear makeup because I was happy with being a "boy". But then as I thought it through, I knew mentally I was a different, from my physical body. This confused me ALOT back then and I didn't understand it, so I pushed it to the back of my mind.*

But then as I became around 12-13ish you started to make me wear girlier clothes. And I hated it as you knew. You would tell me "your a girl and you'll grow out of this boyish fase!" and inside it killed me to give in to what you asked and told myself "hey, maybe your right. Maybe it is a fase and I will grow out of it" but deep down knew I wouldn't.

as I got older, I tried to put my foot down and tell you, 'no, I'll dress how I want.' but yet this still didn't Stop you from pulling me out of the guys section. I know you've noticed me reluctant to go in the girls sections and I bet that triggered a question or two... But when you forced me to wear the clothes YOU thought were for me, inside it ripped me apart -it made me think... I'm never going to be myself at this rate.

*And mainly now that I'm older I have access to things like the Internet, books and other informative things so I can research into things more. But do you remember that time John snatched the iPod out of my hand and i freaked out? I was actually searching up the subject I'm trying to explain to you at this time. and being caught off guard and not ready to share this news with you guys triggered a panic reaction. I didn't want to explain this even if you did accuse me of watching porn or other inappropreat things.

Lastly, I came out to you as gay in may. I knew all my life I haven't been attracted to men, but to woman. I love the gay life but techniqually Ive never felt "Lesbian". I felt straight like it was... Natural and part of how I should be.

I know you probably have a thousand things running through your head, and maybe alot of question. But if the above hasn't said enough I'm just going to say it's straight out. I am transgender, a FtM (female to male) or transman. This is how I feel and how I am! You have probably thought about this in the past, like offering me a sex Change or transition in the past as a joke. I have done enough research and reading up to know that this IS what I want and what I'll have to go through to become me.*

I hope you will except and see me as l was just before I gave you this letter, *just in a different light. And if you have any questions I hope I'm able to give you the answers. Keep in mind what I wrote at the beginning of this!

Lots and lots of love,
From*

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what do you think of my letter? Is it alright?

And I have tried to give it to my mum I the past but everytime I try I chicken out.. You got any tips? Cause I really really want to give her it later on today /:

[Peri]

Hi Alexander,

It sounds like a great letter. Perhaps you might want to add that who you are has nothing to do with you, being FtM has nothing to do with how they raised you, this is how you are and you can't change it. A lot of parents worry that they did something wrong (don't take this the wrong way, a lot of parents tend to look at themselves and see what they could have done).

Also, I can understand how difficult it might be to give her the letter. Perhaps you could put it somewhere where she is definitely certain to find it. Places like on her pillow in her bedroom.

I wish you the best.

[eunoia]

Hey, Alexander. The most important thing about your letter is that it comes from your heart, especially as it is for your mother.

Why not put it in the post? It will be much easier to put a letter in the mailbox than to hand it to your mum.

[anothermuckedupkid]

I think it took you a lot of courage to right that letter. You are so brave.

I can only agree with the above. You should probably put the letter somewhere your mum will notice it, but somewhere that isn't on show to everyone else. I think the idea of your mums room was a good one. Or you could always leave it in your room and ask her to get something from there, and place it next to the thing you are asking for. That way she will see it, take the hint and open it and read it alone. Good luck.

[Alexanderrrr]

thanks guys, really helped! just gotta get the guts now!