FtM... Any advice for coming out?

[Roy-kun231]

I need a little advice. I want to come out to my little circle of close friends at school but I'm not sure how to go about it. I know my friend Kathy will accept me but I'm not so sure about the others... especially my friend Nathaniel, who makes fun of me because I'm bi...

I just really need some advice.

[Dr.Bobby]

Hi Roy,


Everyone who does this has their own way, but here's my dimestore advice, fwiw.

Coming out is a big step, and although it's understandable that once you've made the decision to do so, that you're eager to begin. But, don't confuse your readiness and eagerness with theirs! You have to think carefully about each person's probable response, and act accordingly.


So, you should start with just the person/people who you are absolutely, positively sure will accept this information and be supportive of you. Given the seriousness of the self disclosure, it might also be a good idea to give them the heads up so they can prepare, by telling them you'd like to find time to talk with them about something pretty important to you. When you meet with them, let them know first how important their friendship is to you and how much you like and trust them, then tell them straight up that you're gay.

Really good friends are that way for most people because they have some perspective on us, so aside from the initial surprise some have at 'not knowing', they usually are pretty accepting of it and are most concerned about being supportive. Just don't rush into it with those who you're bot 100% safe and secure with.

[Roy-kun231]

Thanks for the advice.

[Peri]

Hey Roy,

There are many different ways of coming out, and there is no right or wrong way to do it. It's entirely up to you. I have known others who sat their friends down and told them, and others who wrote a letter/email/text message saying to their loved ones that they were gay or trans. I would encourage you to do what would make you feel a little more comfortable when or if you come out.

Most people who are your friends like you for you anyway, and a lot of times, disclosing that you're LGBT+ doesn't make a difference in friendship. There are relatively rare unfortunate cases where people do reject others based on gender/sexual identity, but I want you to know that *real* friends accept you as you are - no questions asked.

In your situation, it might be helpful to approach the most accepting friend you have (to get a bit of support going), and then perhaps disclose your gender/sexual identity to those whose reaction you are unsure of. But the most important thing to remember is that you don't have to do anything you don't want to. If it means not telling others who might be less accepting, then that's completely fine too.

Good luck.

[Roy-kun231]

Thank you for the advice