Confused on my gender, and related questions..

[Iero]

So.. yeah, I’m confused on my gender, and I need some advice or help if possible..



Lately I haven’t been able to focus fully on anything, and I keep finding myself wondering who I really am.
(I don’t know who I am, and I feel lost.)


I’d really like some advice on how to find out who i truly am, and how i know if it’s really me, and not something that I’m just using as an excuse on life’s problems.


I’ve already looked online at many a youtuber and many a webpage, but everything there seems to fill me with more doubts and more questions.
It’s more of ‘I want to be male’ not ‘I am male’ does that make a difference?

Sometimes I feel as though I can change my gender to fit other people’s needs too.. that shouldn’t be the case right?
If it helps, in my mind I was male when I was little, but when I found out how boys and girls where different it changed to an emotional ‘it’s not fair, I want to be male’.


Is there even gender therapists in the UK.. I seem to only find USA people, but maybe I just suck at finding stuff..
(not that i'd have the guts to go to one on my own anyway..)


I wanted to get a binder, if I wanted to get one from online I’d have to ask my dad, how would I get around that one without letting him know the real reason? Would a binder help me find out anything anyway?
(At the same time I want to tell him, but I don’t even know how I feel..)

My mum looks at me every day with visible hurt and disappointment, and says ‘why can’t you dress more like a girl? Why can’t you be like a normal girl?’ That kills me, and really hurts, I don’t think I could ever let her know, and as you can probably already guess, she doesn’t let me get clothes from the men’s section, how do I convince her to let me?

Also how do I get around hips, annoyingly to feminine, as are my lips, but I guess they can’t be hidden by clothes unless I wear a scarf around my face for the rest of my life..


Any advice would be greatly appreciated, i figured I’d give this a shot and see if it can help me in any way, thank you for taking the time to read this..

[Ashleyhateslife]

I haven't been in your situation, so I have no idea how this must feel. I think you just experiment a little. Anyone who judges you for being you can go screw them selves. Do whatever makes you happy and try not to be to concerned on what people will think. I will try to find info on gender therapists for you. Maybe there is one in the USA willing to work with you over the Internet or phone for the time being? I'll let you know!

[MichWolverineFreak]

I hate to be blunt, but i will be, because im pretty pissed off after an argument with a Michigan State fan. Whatever is in your pants determines what gender you are, and you can never truly change that.
Sorry to welcome you to teenhelp with something you probably dont want to hear...

[Ashleyhateslife]

You may not be abl to completely change your gender but you can make it so you are more confortable with you body, and who you are. Try asking your doctor to refer you to a gender therapist. I google searched gender therapists in the UK and. Found some, I'm not sure exactly where you live though. Try calling your doctor when you are alone and ask to be referred. If you do not wish for your parents to know this could become a problem if you are under the age of 18, best of luck!

[GirlInTheHi-Tops]

Originally Posted by MichWolverineFreak

I hate to be blunt, but i will be, because im pretty pissed off after an argument with a Michigan State fan. Whatever is in your pants determines what gender you are, and you can never truly change that.
Sorry to welcome you to teenhelp with something you probably dont want to hear...

Whatever's in your pants determines what sex you are. There's a difference- gender is the mental identity bit, the part of you that says "I am a man/woman." Sex is the physical features. And actually, with surgery and hormones, it actually is possible to change that.
However. This is not really a debating group because it is not helpful for anybody and aren't we here to be helpful?

Anywho. I can't give you any perfect answers, but I would just say to try things out and see what feels like it fits. I'm sorry your parents don't help- is there a friend or someone whose house you could experiment at? Otherwise, possibly a unisex bathroom in a library somewhere? Or just in your room. You could try ace bandages or tight sports bras before a binder, to see if it helps. Thrift stores are great for clothes. And I'm sure there are gender therapists in the UK, although I don't know of where to find them.

[Iero]

Originally Posted by Ashleyhateslife

You may not be abl to completely change your gender but you can make it so you are more confortable with you body, and who you are. Try asking your doctor to refer you to a gender therapist. I google searched gender therapists in the UK and. Found some, I'm not sure exactly where you live though. Try calling your doctor when you are alone and ask to be referred. If you do not wish for your parents to know this could become a problem if you are under the age of 18, best of luck!

Okay, thankyou so much for taking the time to look, i didnt expect any replys at all, the place where i live hasn't got much.. so i just hope my doctor knows someone to refer me too

[Iero]

Originally Posted by GirlInTheHi-Tops

Whatever's in your pants determines what sex you are. There's a difference- gender is the mental identity bit, the part of you that says "I am a man/woman." Sex is the physical features. And actually, with surgery and hormones, it actually is possible to change that.
However. This is not really a debating group because it is not helpful for anybody and aren't we here to be helpful?

Anywho. I can't give you any perfect answers, but I would just say to try things out and see what feels like it fits. I'm sorry your parents don't help- is there a friend or someone whose house you could experiment at? Otherwise, possibly a unisex bathroom in a library somewhere? Or just in your room. You could try ace bandages or tight sports bras before a binder, to see if it helps. Thrift stores are great for clothes. And I'm sure there are gender therapists in the UK, although I don't know of where to find them.

Theres nowhere i could really experiment at, but i'll try the bandages and tight sports bra, thankyou so much for your help!

[kenzie]

I wouldn't recommend trying the ace bandages. It's dangerous (makes it very difficult to breathe, among other possible issues). A tight sports bra is a much better idea. And as for hiding hips... Wearing baggier shirts is about all I can think of at the moment.

It might also help you to know that not all people fit in the categories "boy" or "girl". There's a lot in between and completely separate from those. That said, acting as one gender to make other people happy sounds to me like a pretty normal experience. I imagine it's quite like somebody who tries to appear straight in certain company, especially family.

[Ashleyhateslife]

Originally Posted by Iero

Okay, thankyou so much for taking the time to look, i didnt expect any replys at all, the place where i live hasn't got much.. so i just hope my doctor knows someone to refer me too

No problem, you deserve replies, respect, and love and that's what we'll give to you on here! Try google searching the different ways that your sex dress as the opposite one. While looking that up you should be able to find what ways are safe and what ways are not. I hope you the best. Don't be afraid of who you are!