My parents just don't get it.

[semiunbalanced]

The other day I went to my cousin's fourth Birthday party and my aunt and uncle still don't know that I have a girlfriend. I have claimed to be bisexual but I think I'm actually lesbian (still kinda confused). Anyway my Aunt saw this picture of me and my best guy friend and thought we were together. Simple mistake and I was joking around about it but my dad was like, "Oh yeah you two would make a REALLY cute couple." and I'm like, "Dad it doesn't work like that." I was referring to the fact that I was already IN a relationship but if I had just said that then my Aunt would be nosy and ask questions and I wasn't ready to out myself to her. My mom and dad later got mad at me asking if I wanted them to just out me right then and there. I explained what I meant and they were still mad. They were frustrated with my decisions and said it would be easier if I were straight.

Well yeah. -______- But I don't think I'd be happy if I was a man so I'm going to stick with my girlfriend of 8 1/2 months, thanks very much. Yarg! It just frustrates me because no matter what I do they don't get it. They just sit there confused and always say "your girlfriend" as if it's a horrible thing.

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm 18 and they still give me crap for it. I just want to move on with my life. I thought they'd be over this stuff especially seeing how happy I am. They said they were okay with it and yet they keep hinting about how much harder it is for THEM that I am bi/lesbian. GAH!

[Jaguar]

It probably is hard for them depending on what their upbringing was. And I get the impression that they're trying to accept the unalterable, meanwhile letting you know that it is awkward for them. I imagine that when you other older relatives find out they're going to give your parents some shit about it, and your parents aren't looking forward to it.

Yes, it's stressful and uncomfortable for you and I'm sure they don't understand that you didn't choose your path but have needs to be understood anyway.

[Dr.Bobby]

Kimmi, you're confusing their accepting your sexuality with them "Getting it". They get it, it's pretty clear they understand you. They even tolerate it, which is to their credit given their obvious discomfort with it (and the many, painful ways they otherwise could react!). What they're having difficulty with is the acceptance part. And although it's understandable that you'd like them to provide that, too, it's a bit more complicated than that. You have to be a bit more tolerant and patient with them, in much the same way you'd like that from them!

Consider a less confrontational/demanding approach, let all this settle in a bit longer and let them see that your sexuality isn't the only thing here, it doesn't always need to be so in their face.

[MacGuffin]

First of all, don't give up on your parents yet. Making the decision to cut your parents off over something like this, to sever two of the most important relationships you will ever have, is a really big decision, and should not be taken lightly. Try, for now, to give them more time to become at least accepting of the idea. And if they don't, well, I'll address that in a minute.

Secondly, your parents do actually get it, like Dr. Bobby said. They just don't really seem to agree with it. In all honesty, many parents hope that their children will be straight. Sometimes this is because of their own upbringing and beliefs about what is right and natural, but this can also be because they want their children to have the best life possible. The fact is, though it is more acceptable now by many people, the world is still not fully supportive of LGBTQA individuals. That's just a fact. Parents know this, and want their children to be spared that if possible. I'm not saying that is necessarily your parents' deal, but it could be. I know that's what my mom struggled with when it came to my relationship choices for a while. But in the end she realized I was happier the way I am, and took the stance that as long as I was safe and happy she would at least tolerate my choices, out of love for me (my dad still doesn't know about my sexuality or the type of relationship I am in). I hope your parents can come to do the same.

However, if your parents do not eventually come to the point where they can at least hide their disdain for you, or can practice radical acceptance (accepting something as it is even if one does not approve of it), you may have to make some realizations. First of all, your parents disapproval is their own issues coming into play; it has nothing to do with you. So don't blame yourself. Secondly, you got to do what makes you happy. If that's living your life with your girlfriend, than go for it. You are an adult. You get to make your own choices now. And while your parents' approval is definitely nice, you can get by without it. So don't doubt yourself on that front. It's just important to still try and maintain a relationship with them, if you can, because they are your parents and they still love you. I hope this helps give some clarity to the situation.