Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Can't be a phase... right?

[Roy-kun231]

SO!

I've been having FtM feelings pretty much since I started puberty. There were two occasions where I repressed those feelings, and both led to deep dips in mood and depression.

And both times, the feelings came back and once I re-accepted them, the depressed feelings were lifted.

My mom insists that it's just a phase but I feel that if the feelings came back twice, then it can't be just a phase.

My mom insisted that it's only a phase because I have absolutely NO machismo. I won't sit and talk with another guy about "Oh, so-and-so looks hot, I'd fuck her anytime" or "Hey did you try so-and-so drug? It's bomb, man!", and I don't play sports often. Or watch sports at all. I'm just not that kind of guy.

I dance in a girly way. I sing songs originally by girls. I have days where I wear dresses. I express negative emotions sometimes. I don't think dicks make a guy such. I don't find sexist jokes funny. But why should that make me unable to be a guy?

It really pisses me off, that stereotype of 24-7 machismo. I have guy friends who are all over the masculinity spectrum and one or two guys at my school actually fall into the femininity spectrum! It just... Ugh! I fucking hate that stereotype!

I'm not masculine, so what!? I won't make every joke a sexual joke, so what!?

Oh, sorry, back to the topic at hand! Sorry, had to rant...

What do you guys think? Just a phase or true feelings...?

[--.redpanda.--]

Who says that it is or isn't a phase?

Only you yourself can truly determine this. I mean, if I was to tell the whole world what they were, would they be that really? No. There is no true judge of character coming from the outer world.

You need to reflect upon it yourself.

I hate to sound harsh, but it is the truth. You need to look inside your soul and search for your true feelings.

[MacGuffin]

Often I've encountered that parents can get upset when their children announce they identify with an alternative sexuality. This can be for a number of reasons, but one of them is that parents want a good life for their children, and they want their children to be able to succeed in this world. It can be hard to do that when the world is still stigmatized against people with alternative sexual orientations. No matter what the reason, it's easier to believe it might be a phase than to take it as fact. In part, this is because parents know that this is a time of exploring sexuality, and that sexual identity is fluid (and there is some truth to this). It is also easier for them to come to terms with it if they think it a phase. That's just the way it is. So I wouldn't get too upset at your mom for being uneasy with the idea; it's pretty natural.

I think your mother is sadly misinformed about what makes someone a "man." No, you don't have to demean women or love sports to be a man. The identity of man has never been about how dominant, aggressive, or strong he is. It's perceived that way because of the process of natural selection in our genetic history and through societal perspective of what men should be like, but it is by no means how men "should" be. So I encourage you not to listen to that argument, and instead listen to your heart. Don't worry about what other people think you should do or be, but instead worry about what YOU want and what feels right for YOU. If you do that, you'll be on the fast track to discovering who you really are and how you want to live your life, and you'll be one step ahead of the curve.