Lost and confused.

[svelo]

For maybe a little less than a year I've identified myself as being bisexual. But recently it's been a little different. I'm pasting a message I sent to an online friend who wasn't able to help me, and I've had experiences with this site in the past and so I thought I'd seek out help here. :

It's a really weird feeling. Since I can remember I've always identified myself as straight til last year when I thought I was bi, but I just brushed it away. But this year it's like really there. Some days I don't want anything to do with women, some days I don't want anything to do with men, some days I don't want anything to do with anyone and I'm not attracted to anyone I see. But when I try to picture myself with someone in a relationship, I can't see a man. I can only see a woman. And it's scaring me because I don't know anyone who's gay or who's gone through this before and I don't have anyone to talk to. And obviously I'm terrified to tell my mother because I've never felt comfortable talking about personal things with her, or with anyone. I don't have anyone to talk to about it and I don't know what to think or feel or do and I feel really, terribly lost.


Edit: All I really need is someone who's gone through kind of the same thing and is willing to talk with me and listen to the things I have to say. That's all I was trying to get out of posting this.

[Chasers]

Hey!

I'm here. I came out about your age. Didn't have my first girlfriend until i was 17 and fell in love with a 14 year old. Came out a few months after dating with my mother.

Never dated a boy or kissed one and I'll be 23 in a few months and I couldn't be happy with who I am.

So it sounds like you needed someone to talk to, ask questions too or what have you. Well I'm here to answer your questions or give you my story more in depth, just ask. PM me or we can talk here, I would love to help!

~Chasers

[Celestial.]

Hey there.

I'm glad you've found TeenHelp to be a good place to get advice, and I'm glad you came back. I hope we can help.

The thing is, being bisexual doesn't mean you're always going to be equally attracted to both genders all the time. Some people use percentages to describe it; I once had a bisexual friend who said it was usually '80% men, 20% women' - although that number could change on any given day. So having days where you prefer one gender, or neither, is perfectly normal.

I went through a similar thing a couple of years back. For me, though, the question was never if I was attracted to women - it was 'Am I attracted to men as well?'. Once I finally started opening up to my own feelings, I knew I wasn't straight, and after some soul-searching I came to the conclusion that I was, in fact, gay. It wasn't always easy to deal with, and some days I would have done anything I could to change it - but you know what? There's nothing you can do to change it. If you're attracted to girls, or guys, or both, or neither, that's just who you are, and you need to accept that.

If you don't want to talk to your mother about this, that's okay. I know I didn't tell my mother until I was out the 'questioning' phase and more sure of myself. But if you think it could help to tell her, then go ahead. Talking to someone definitely can help - I remember when I first started questioning my sexuality, I was so scared that I didn't tell anyone in my 'offline' life; thankfully I had a good online friend who was openly gay, and she was a great help during that time. It can be hard to find somebody like that, but if you can, it will definitely help to make things easier.

As to what to think or feel now - just take your time. Explore your feelings, and try not to shy away from them. Whatever you feel, whoever you're attracted to, it's not wrong. It's just who you are, and the sooner you can come to terms with that, the happier you'll be. And as to what to do - you don't have to do anything just yet. If you want to talk about it, then do. If you don't want to, then don't. You can be as open or private about this as you like - it's your business, not anyone else's. If you decide to let someone else in, then great, but if you'd prefer not to, then you shouldn't feel like you have to. It's okay to feel lost and confused at this point. The best advice I can give you is to take your time - you don't have to have all the answers right away. It's okay to not be sure, to explore, and to experiment.

I hope I helped. If you want to PM me, then feel free. Take care.

[pikamonachu]

I am 15 and I came out that I was bi 2 years ago. Soon after I came out though, I came to realize I had the same problem you do. Thankfully I did have people to help me then. I learned that it's normal not to know your sexuallity for a while, and have come to realize for me, gender doesn't matter. Surprisingly enough, I now have a group of friends who understand me and I would love to help people going through the same thing. If you feel you need to talk to someone, Im always willing to talk and am very open minded.