I think I'm a FTM Transsexual

[Sorted]

I don't know what to do anymore. I see a lot of people talking about knowing they wanted to be a male since childhood, but the realization never really struck me until I hit puberty .. which makes me worry that maybe this is some kinda phase .. but it's a phase that's been going on from the ages of 12-18 if so. Seems a bit long for a phase .. I dunno.

Ever since puberty I've been making male personas online. I'm so much more comfortable like that .. but Im starting to feel so guilty. I have friends online, and I have to lie to them and say things like 'Oh I don't have a mic/cam' or whatever else. I HATE lying to people, but I don't want to deal with the assholes who would start calling me a 'she' if it got out, and I don't want to lose friends who think I was lying about my gender.

So many people wouldn't understand it .. I just want to be treated like a guy, not a 'girl pretending to be a guy' .. Every day I go to sleep hoping some kinda miracle happens and I turn into a male. I get depressed even thinking about it.

I don't know. I just feel like a lying asshole at this point - I've been talking to my friends for months with this BS excuse of not having any kind of photo or mic or anything .. my voice, my face, and my body are obviously female. My hair's even long .. I want it really short but the hair stylist wouldn't do it - neither will my mom. And I don't wanna fuck up my hair by cutting it myself. I just dunno. This is just one rambling mess.

I just feel so confused ..

[Roy-kun231]

You aren't alone is this. I'm Roy. I'm an FtM who has known his boyness since... umm... last year? Yeah, last year So I found out even later than you. It's even possible to not figure it out until late adulthood! (saw that in the case of an MtF that was on a documentary I watched)

I completely understand what it's like to feel like a "girl pretending to be a guy" instead of the real guy I am. My mom shot my gender identity down as a phase when I told her in August, but I told her again just recently. Now she doesn't acknowledge it. I so badly want to ask her to call me by the right name...

Anyways, there's a website I have an account on called Trevorspace. It's for LGBT youth and there's a lot of FtMs on there, including me. If you want to, make an account and friend me: http://www.trevorspace.org/roy_kun

If you need to talk, just PM me. When you pick your name (if you're FtM), PM me and tell me so I know what to call you by.

Take care~!
~Roy

[Chasers]

Hey!

Well the good news is, your 18 now! Soo unless your mother is absolutely a necessity in your life, I say go cut your hair off.

I cut my hair off two years ago, and couldn't regret it and if your stylist won't do it, find another stylist. It will feel funny at first with your hair gone, but I cant manage to grow mine back out because I love it.

An don't worry about your friends online, I know plenty of people online that never supply a voice or a photo and if you want to play a guy you can. Wait until you move out and get of the dependence of your mother and maybe find a gender therapist that can help you with your transition and you could even start T, hormones to help you transform in to a guy.

Parents are really such a drag, but hang in there. I'm 22 and had the same struggles at your age and now I couldnt feel more liberated and more free than ever before.

Just hang in there and try and find a way of independence and try not to worry to much about your friends online

"Those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind" - Dr. Sesus

Chase

[JKmadu619]

First of all, you are going to absolutely hate to hear this, but it could possibly, MAYBE be a stage. Please good God think this through before doing anything drastic. Cutting your hair, dressing differently... who cares. But do not start taking hormones or anything like that for a few years, if you still feel this way.

Teens have hormone disbalances and may feel gender identity issues that are non-existent later in life because they are balanced again. Others never overcome the problems, and are legitimately gay, trangendered, or whatever.

I would highly recomend thinking this through, and do some soul searching to come to a conclusion. Make sure you wait this out for a while though, as hard as it may be.

- Justin