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LGBT, Sexuality and Gender Identity Whether you're LGBT, questioning, have gender identity issues, or have entirely unrelated feelings, this forum is here to help.

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Millarw12 Offline
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Unhappy How do I flirt with her? How do I tell my family? I'm so lost! Please help :( - January 15th 2012, 02:31 PM

I really like this girl. She is so stunning, the way her mind works is amazing. I want to kiss her and hold her and be cute together. I haven't felt like this about a girl before though.

I have no problem with flirting with boys and letting them know that I like them, but girls on the other hand, that's in a completely different league and I have no idea what to do! I hate not being in control and knowing how to work with this.How do I flirt with another girl?? I'm really stuck.

Also, if anything does happen, how do I tell my parents and friends? I'm so scared. I'll be ostracised from my sporting and social circles, and I already cop a lot of shit for being vegan, I can't imagine what stuff my family might throw at me because my sexuality is different to their expectations of normal. My dad's reaction is what scares me the most. I love him so much, but he's religious and so is his side of the family, and I don't know how badly they will react to this.

I am just so lost, which is bad enough, but I'm not used to not having a clear idea of what to do. I normally have a plan, but now I don't. Please any help is beyond appreciated x


"Do not regret anything. Every choice, fuck up, spoken word, experience and emotion has brought you to this very moment. It has shaped exactly who you are. Do not regret who you are. You are unique. No one in the world is like you. In this sense, we are alone. Yet for this very reason, we all have one thing in common. Don't waste who you are, be everything you can be. You can achieve your dreams, you just have to genuinely try."
   
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Re: How do I flirt with her? How do I tell my family? I'm so lost! Please help :( - January 15th 2012, 07:51 PM

Don't feel lost, its normal to feel this way.
You can show your attraction to her in various ways,
but telling your family is important too. First, you must make sure that they will accept you. just casualy bring it up, but not being too serious at first. just be positive that they wont abuse you, kick you out of the house, or what not, before you tell them.
back to the flirting,
Do you know if shes Bi, pan, lesbian, or anything?
if she is, you should confront her.
If you dont want to do that, you could just as well flirt with her the same way you would flirt with anyone else.
I sincerely hope this helps.


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Re: How do I flirt with her? How do I tell my family? I'm so lost! Please help :( - January 16th 2012, 12:27 AM

Thank you
Her sexuality is similar to mine, how we are attracted to the soul of a person, gender is not really part of it.
I just don't know how to flirt with her or girls in general. Its completely different to flirting with boys :s


"Do not regret anything. Every choice, fuck up, spoken word, experience and emotion has brought you to this very moment. It has shaped exactly who you are. Do not regret who you are. You are unique. No one in the world is like you. In this sense, we are alone. Yet for this very reason, we all have one thing in common. Don't waste who you are, be everything you can be. You can achieve your dreams, you just have to genuinely try."
   
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Re: How do I flirt with her? How do I tell my family? I'm so lost! Please help :( - January 20th 2012, 06:40 AM

Okay, first breath. Second, I assume this girl is straight? If not then your life just got easier.
Try something subtle. Let her know that your interested without being overbearing or well, creepy.
If the girl is bi/pan/lesbian then this is easy. They will either say yes or no.
If not then it boils down to what the girl feels comfertable with.

Okay, so lets say you do get the girl. Go home and ask to speak to your parents alone. Tell them that you are bi/pan/lesbian. They will probably need a minute to let this sink in. You don't really need to tell anyone else right away. If you want to tell the rest of your family then you will need your parents support.
Hope this helped =3
   
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Re: How do I flirt with her? How do I tell my family? I'm so lost! Please help :( - January 20th 2012, 09:32 AM

Hey there,

The tricky thing about flirting with girls is that girls can be so affectionate toward each other anyway, that it can be tough to get the message across that you actually like one as more than a friend!! My girlfriend and I had that problem before we were in a relationship. I would try flirting with her, but she didn't think too much of it because she was used to having affectionate friends. Eventually, I told her outright how I felt and we ended up together.

It's great that you already know what her sexual orientation is! Have you considered perhaps telling her how you feel? With my girlfriend, we were good enough friends at the time that I felt that even if she didn't feel the same way, she wouldn't judge me. If you don't think that it would cause too many problems, maybe you want to go that route. It might be easier than trying to get her attention through other means.

As for flirting, you're right, it's different with girls than it is with guys. But just do what comes natural. Maybe give her some hugs, hold eye contact a little longer than you normally would, grab her around her waist from behind (if appropriate), etc. If you feel strange showing physical signs of affection (like I do), you can flirt through your words as well, by telling her she's beautiful and the like. And don't forget flirting through actions is an option too! You could get her a flower, chocolate, or even a nice card. Small gestures like that can really communicate how much you care to someone.

Remember to first evaluate your friend's personality before you flirt as well, so you can gauge which things may be taken well and which things wouldn't. For example, she may be extremely touchy-feely, or she may not be. This might determine whether you want to use physical affection toward her.

As for coming out to your family, first ask yourself if it's safe to do. Will you be kicked out of your home for your sexuality? If so, it may be better to wait a few years until you're financially independent. Has your family discussed their feelings about other sexualities before? Do you know how each individual person feels about it, including your dad? Maybe you want to start slowly by introducing the topic, if it hasn't been discussed already. Bring up an LGBT movement that is currently taking place as casual conversation and see what they say. Sometimes, even religious individuals, are quite accepting of the LGBT community.

If you choose to come out to them and feel that they may react badly, I think it would help to have some people behind you first. Do you have a guidance counselor at school or a teacher you could talk to? I know that at my school, a lot of teachers have "LGBT Safe Zone" stickers on their desks or around their classrooms, inviting students to come forward and share their concerns surrounding the subject. Or, do you have a GSA at your school? That, too, could be a great source of support! When you already have people behind you, it can make you feel more confident in yourself and it can also help to have someone to fall back on if your family takes it badly.

If you choose to come out to your family, I would also come armed with information about the LGBT community. If they're able to see and read about what it actually means to be LGBT, they may be more understanding. A lot of people don't know the facts and so they act out of fear of the unknown.

I hope this helps a bit! Take care, and if you have any other questions, feel free to write back!!






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Re: How do I flirt with her? How do I tell my family? I'm so lost! Please help :( - January 21st 2012, 12:02 AM

"how we are attracted to the soul of a person, gender is not really part of it."
This is beautifully put. I learned through a definition similar to this what bi-sexual means. It's a beautiful way to think about it.
Go for it sweetie. Maybe go at it cautiously at first, but do what feels right and do your best to judge from her reactions.
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Re: How do I flirt with her? How do I tell my family? I'm so lost! Please help :( - January 21st 2012, 12:23 AM

Thank you all so much I'm tearing up with the support and encouragement you guys have given me, it means so so much.

You are all such wonderful people, thank you.


"Do not regret anything. Every choice, fuck up, spoken word, experience and emotion has brought you to this very moment. It has shaped exactly who you are. Do not regret who you are. You are unique. No one in the world is like you. In this sense, we are alone. Yet for this very reason, we all have one thing in common. Don't waste who you are, be everything you can be. You can achieve your dreams, you just have to genuinely try."
   
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