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LGBT, Sexuality and Gender Identity Whether you're LGBT, questioning, have gender identity issues, or have entirely unrelated feelings, this forum is here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Question Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here - February 23rd 2012, 03:45 PM

Okay. Hello. -waves- I am Julia. I'm a Christian, but there's a lot of debate over whether or not same-gender romance/sexual relations is or is not sinful. I think it is not sinful if you really truly were wired that way. So I like to support LGBT people. But anyway. To my main question...

I noticed that for me, I honestly have no control over who I like. Always guys. I mean, I'm as straight as an arrow. I know that occasionally (it happened to me once) I'll meet a fellow girl and think to myself, "I could actually come to like this person, really." But usually it is if that girl happens to be particularly masculine. And this realization lead me to this question...

How did you figure out about your sexuality? When did you start to realize? I'm just curious here. Because if you really were wired a certain way, wouldn't you always from the very beginning know your sexuality? I don't mean to sound offending. I just want to know. I'm honestly searching for answers, here.

I get more confused about people saying they're bi because of this. Isn't being bi a choice, essentially? And I'm not trying to say it's wrong because of this. Once again, lots of debate on this subject even among Christians. That's not what I'm asking. I just want to know if you think sexuality, especially with bi people, can be a choice-thing. I'm not asking if it's wrong.

But other than that... I would appreciate peoples' stories about how they came to realize their sexuality. How did it all begin? I also want to say - to those of you who've gathered courage to "come out", I think you're brave.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here - February 23rd 2012, 04:47 PM

Well, I found my sexuality over the course of a year, it would have been shorter but I denied it (O.o People kept asking me if I was LGBT months before...) -The first time I noticed myself getting really into a girl? Looking at my friend's FB pics, for some reason she wanted me to judge wether or not she looked like a guy... She kind of did, but I knew that it was my friend and my friend is female, so... And then it just happened a lot more with her. Wanting to kiss her, getting excited by stupid small things that somehow translate into "she might like you too!" (Still am...)

-And, if your really bi, it shouldn't come as a problem with your religion, who you love is between you and that person and God. God can't hate a person for doing what the sole perpose of the bible is to do, love.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here - February 23rd 2012, 06:15 PM

I've only just since about august 2011 known I was a lesbian, before that I thought I was bi for a year, but I've been a bit suspicious of it since I was about 11. It was a really normal day, I was cleaning the kitchen and I suddenly knew for sure that I liked girls, it was very strange, I had to sit down it shocked me so much, but since then I've had a confidence I never had before so I know that I'm right about my sexuality.

- Love is all over the new testament (I'm born Roman Catholic, although I don't associate myself with that religious group anymore) I can't believe that the God it tells us about, a loving God, could possibly call something a sin which we cannot control


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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here - February 23rd 2012, 08:37 PM

For me I became aware of same sex attraction at the age of 10 and knew I was a lesbian at the age of 12. I did however come out as bi a the age of 15 to test the waters and because I didn't fully accept my sexuality. A year later at 16 I came out as lesbian. I have now been out at my school for over a year.

In answering your question about wouldn't we always know our sexuality....well I don't think before the age of 10 people even start thinking about their sexuality. As children we just exist and don't dwell on gender and certainly not sexuality.
Then we are raised straight, by this I mean that generally parents do not raise their children thinking that they are going to be gay/lesbian/bi etc. It's not the case for all parents and upbringings, but it is for the majority of time.

I am really gald that you posted this as a Christian asking questions. It shows you are willing to talk and think about your faith which is how I believe all religous people should be like.

I am willing to answer anymore questions. I have alot to say about this kind of thing coming from the prespective of a lesbian Christian.


"Casting all your anxiety upon Him, because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

"For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:2

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Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here - February 23rd 2012, 09:01 PM

I've known I liked guys since 4th grade. I just... liked guys. It was until 7th grade that i realized i wasn't attracted to girls. i've always ignored it until now. (i am also a catholic but.. idk how homosexuality works with catholicism) also, my parents have always assumed i was straight and did raise me to be straight. so i have no idea how i would "become" gay.
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Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here - February 23rd 2012, 09:18 PM

Thanks for the reassurance abou the religion thing, it helps.
Well I'm pretty sure I'm bi, I've always gotten crushes on guys since I was little but over the past year I've started kinda liking girls too... So I'm still trying to figure it out, but I'm pretty sure I'm bisexual.
When I was a little kid (like 9 maybe) be and my best friend made out. Which yeah is creepy... But I was little and I was curious, and honestly, I liked it. And over the past year or so, to be honest I find myself checking out girls a lot, and once I kind of had a crush on a girl-- she's 14 and really nice, and really funny and I was just really attracted to her for a time- not like OBSESSED or anything, not even close, but I just kind of like her. And not in a friendship way, like in the way I would like a guy.
And once I thought about it, the idea of dating a girl sounds awesome. I would live a girlfriend.
As for how people realize it... I think it depends on the person. Some people realize it pretty early- like 10 or 11- often after many instances in childhood that would make them think they were gay/bi/whatever they were, but they didn't understand it yet.
And some people pretend to be bi for attention, but for the people who actually ARE, I don't think it's a choice at all. Just like you know you like guys, and some girls know they like guys, I like both. That's just who I am attracted to.


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  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here - February 23rd 2012, 10:38 PM

I did not realize i was gay when i was younger. I just thought I was supposed to like girls. I chased them around and I got all nervous around them. but then I met this one boy in art class. he made my head spin and my blood rush and my heart ache. I never felt this way for any girl. that's when I knew I liked boys. not that I was any different then the rest of the kids. just the simple observation. but then he got scared of me when i told him how i felt. and so then i became scared of myself. I was closeted from then on for a while. I still kind of am. I will never deny who i am. but i don't go around telling guys I like that i like them for fear of being hated and judged.


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  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here - February 23rd 2012, 11:46 PM

Thats a really good question!
I came out (To myself) in I think, 6th grade.
I'm Bisexual, but i dont believe it was a choice. It's just the feeling of physical/sexual attraction to both sexes.
I Think that i knew i was Bi because i just always felt this odd feeling around some girls, the kind of feeling you would get around the guy you really like.
But i think it helps most people finding out about their sexuality by just expirimenting.
Hope this helped(:


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  (#9 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here - February 24th 2012, 12:59 AM

I began to question my sexuality right around when I turned fifteen. I had a best friend that I totally worshipped, and one night, when we were drunk, we made out. I really, really liked it, and it wasn't just the alcohol talking, either. It became confusing because I started developing a crush on my friend....but she was very straight, except for making out a little when she was drunk. For various reasons it didn't work out and the friendship ended.

However, my crush on her left me thinking I was probably bisexual. I began spending time with other LGBT youth, and felt really at home with them. I really felt I was bisexual at times, but not at others. I called myself bisexual, but I was really back and forth on it.

Sure enough, I was 16, then 17, then 18 and I was pretty sure, but still uncertain. However, when I was 19, I met one of the most amazing women I have ever known. She is significantly older than me, but I find our spirits are so alike that it doesn't really matter. She became my girlfriend and the only woman I've ever been, or want to be, in love with.

We aren't together anymore, and it's not clear where things are going (it's a complicated story), but we are great friends, and still care a lot about each other. But it's the love I have for her, and the physical attraction I feel towards other women, that really opened my eyes and made me realize that yes, I am bisexual, and very proud of it.


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  (#10 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here - February 24th 2012, 03:00 AM

Hey Julia.

In short, my story was this: I was never really attracted to guys, but it took me quite a while to realise I was attracted to girls. For quite a while it just didn't occur to me that I wasn't straight, so I never even thought about being same-sex attracted. I sort of pushed away the random thoughts of 'She's cute' or 'I like her', so I didn't start to come to terms with it until I was about fifteen. The thing is, just because something is part of you doesn't mean you're aware of it.

For example, think of your favourite food. Did you always know you liked it? Or did you have to try it first? Did you avoid it because you thought it looked weird? (Or was that just me? I stayed away from mangoes because I thought they were too slimy, but now I love them. ) Sometimes it takes experimenting, thinking, or even a 'trigger' to bring out certain parts of you. Sometimes you might just not realise it's there, or for whatever reason you may not want to realise it (fear of being different or discriminated against, for example). So, no, you don't necessarily always know it; although of course that's the case with some people.

I firmly believe that sexuality is not a choice, it's a feeling. Did you choose to be straight? I doubt it. So why should being gay, bisexual, or pansexual be any different? You said you have no control over who you like, which is the case with everyone: you can't choose who you fall in love with, or even what gender they are. Has any of this helped at all, or am I just rambling?

Take care.



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  (#11 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here - February 24th 2012, 03:23 AM

Thank you guys so much! ^^ You've helped me with my questions. I got suck a quick response, too. Sidhe, I loved what you said about the food-thing. That really, really, really helped. Yes, being straight for me definitely wasn't a choice. I can't imagine it being any other way. I don't think it's possibly possible for me to like my own gender in the way I like guys. O_o

So do you think then that the reason why it seems to take people a while to realize their sexuality is because we are brought up to be straight and then realize we aren't (on top of the need to experiment)?

Still feel free to keep posting stories of when you did realize your sexuality. I, for one, find them interesting and it causes me to self-reflect a bit. =]
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Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here - February 24th 2012, 10:44 AM

Yes, I think at least a big part of the reason is that our families and pretty much everyone around us is TELLING us that we are straight, from the day we are born, and that's what we are expected to be.
I think it's also that when we are younger, we dont think about sexuality as much, so most people don't really realize it at least until their teens.


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  (#13 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here - February 24th 2012, 07:21 PM

Hey there,

I used to wonder when I Was a bit younger (I can't remember how old, but from quite a young age) if I was totally gay. However as I grew up I learnt about other types of sexuality and found that it's possible to be attracted to both males and females. It wasn't as simple as just that, though. I don't know how I finally came to the conclusion that I was bi, I just know that I'd had the suspicion for a long time and I felt that it was time to come out to a couple of people to begin with a few months back. I started to like a friend of mine (Who's a girl) so I knew then that I was probably definitely bisexual.

For me it was never a choice. Like I've said, I had wondered about it for a long time and always thought that I had some sort of attraction to girls, whether it was only girls of men too. So personally I believe completely that I was born this way. I don't remember ever deciding to find the people I do attractive or to be attracted to them, and if I could have chosen I probably wouldn't have chosen to be bisexual because in my school it's not exactly the best confession to make. To me, I am who I am and I was born this person.

I hope this helped. Feel free to PM me anytime.
Hollie.


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  (#14 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here - February 24th 2012, 08:43 PM

Hey.

I think I always realized that I was a bit different in that I had essentially no attraction to girls when so many other people did. I didn't make too many friends when I was young, and was actually the most chummy with adults for some reason, but when I did make friends or whatever I MOSTLY felt closer to the guys. However, I really started coming to this realization about a year and a half ago when I became physically (and somewhat romantically) attracted to certain guys at school, etc.

Regarding bisexuality - No, I do not think it's a choice. Sexuality is not a rock-solid, white and black thing. There are quite a few shades of gray--most everyone leans one way or the other, but that does not mean that there isn't room for one to be attracted to the sex that they don't lean toward. I think, to varying extents, anybody COULD have certain feelings for the same and opposite sex. In other words, I think any straight person could possibly have feelings for the same sex at some point, and vice versa. So when it comes down to it, the label is really up to your own interpretation--only YOU can decide whether to classify yourself, and if so, what classification you fit in.


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Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here - February 25th 2012, 03:59 PM

Wow, thanks guys! ^^ I'm partly asking because I've had a tough time with my brother... You see, we're a Christian family and he said he started questioning his faith when he realized that he was bi. Since he was my brother, I wanted to support him. He's always had a hard time connecting with people. The fact that he found someone to connect with was so great to me.

I've had a hard time finding a stance on this issue. It's sad because now he's not a Christian and that makes things harder on the family because we're concerned for him.

Any tips on how to support my brother? Especially with his sexuality? I haven't said much to him right out. I've just nodded because I haven't known what to say to him.

It's hard for me coming from someone raised like I was on this issue. I guess it's weird hearing me, a straight Christian gal, worrying over this issue when I'm not gay or lesbian or bi myself. x3
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Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here - February 26th 2012, 09:30 AM

In answer to your original questions-
I always knew I was a little different, but I just recently let myself accept that I was bisexual, if that makes sense. It probably has something to do with the fact that my family basically hates LGBT people.

Being bisexual just means you can love/be attracted to both sexes. I don't really understand your thinking here. How is it a choice to be attracted to both sexes, instead of just one? Oh well, moving on.

About your brother-
If I came out to my family, I would want support most of all. I would want to be loved for who I am and accepted. You have to understand that it takes tons of courage to come out. You should be there for him, and listen to what he has to say. If you want to ask him questions to better understand it, I'm sure that would be fine. The main thing you can do is be there for him, and help him through this, I'm sure he's not exactly having an easy time.

I don't think its weird. I think you're probably here to try to better understand us and get advice on your brother. Nothing to worry about.
You can PM me any time if you need anything.


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Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here - February 26th 2012, 10:42 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by JuliaBell View Post
Okay. Hello. -waves- I am Julia. I'm a Christian, but there's a lot of debate over whether or not same-gender romance/sexual relations is or is not sinful.
I had comment here, totally out of context but I had to say this There is a lot of debate going on in my country over this. And the other day one of the top judges goes, "You say that this is against "the order of nature". Tell me what is order of nature in the time of Test tube babies" and all that! I loved that comment!!!



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Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here - February 26th 2012, 11:25 PM

I'm still kind of on the fence with my sexuality. I know that I like girls, that one's a given. I've had crushes on guys but I'm at that point where I don't think I'd date them (because personally their sex organs are gross ) which is why I'm on that fence between bisexual and lesbian. I know for sure I want a girlfriend and would be more likely to date a girl, though.

I always kind of realized I "noticed" girls more (like their features and such) ever since I was a little kid, and was and still am more drawn to females. In the 6th grade it really hit me that yes, I DO like girls though. I think that you can't really ALWAYS know, since when yoy are little you don't really think of sexuality, you think of playing games and kid stuff.

Being bisexual is not a choice because you really can't help who you are attracted to. You can't choose to be attracted to both genders, it just happens.

I kind of answered how my sexuality began in my previous answers. I pretty much slowly announced to friends and my guidance counselor I liked girls, joined the GSA, and one of my friends kind of helped spread the word to others. I tried coming out to my mom and she pretty much yelled at me sand said I don't like girls, but that's all right, I predicted her reaction. Once I get a girlfriend, she'll realize I'm serious.

As for your brother, I agree that the one thing that you could give him more than anything is support. Let him know that you are on his side and are there for him no matter what, and give him someone to talk to. Get a better understanding of what he is going through by asking him questions as well, which also will let him know you're supporting him.

I hope this helped.


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Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here - February 27th 2012, 12:31 AM

I'm still in the process of figuring my sexuality out, and I'm 16 years old. I think I always liked hanging around girls more than guys, but it was always expected that I would like boys, and I've had my share of a few big crushes - but they were for a long time, mostly idealized and not really based on anything except dreaming, and always on my best guy friend. I'm the first child, so I didn't know anything at all. Going back though, I can see that there might be hints. When I was 8, I had a best friend who I wanted to do EVERYTHING with, to the point where I got very upset if she had other friends and had a life outside me (although of course I was allowed to do this). I was so jealous that I ended up having huge fights with her every day for a month, and it finally ended our friendship. No one could really convince me that I was wrong. I guess maybe I had a crush on her? I'm not really sure, though.

When I look at guys, it's different than how I look at girls. Guys are fun to flirt with, but whenever commitment comes up or there's something physical involved, it's not as fun. I made out with my best guy friend and it was nice, but it wasn't spectacular. I'm grossed out by the idea of blow jobs, and although sex doesn't seem terrible, it sort of cools me down. I'm much more aroused by women.

As to when I started to figure this out, probably around when I was 13 years old, the summer before eighth grade. I started thinking maybe I was bisexual, but the person I told didn't take me very seriously. When I sort of developed a crush on a girl and she asked me out in ninth grade, it came up again and I've been trying to figure myself out since. I'd say I'm probably somewhere between bisexual and a lesbian, closer to bisexual because of my behavior, but it's still a very long road.

People expect you to know from the very beginning that you're different, but if you're anything like me, you're very externally oriented. I tend to internalize what's not considered "good" or "likeable" about me and to focus on what I can do to seem normal, so even if I was having these feelings at the time, I wouldn't have realized it. Now, I'm trying to be honest with myself and see where that gets me.

Hope this helps.

Callie
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Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here - February 27th 2012, 12:43 AM

Hey there. :-)

My grandparents are Christians and they don't really approve nor do they disapprove of the LGBT community. I've always been scared to come out as bisexual. I'm eighteen and I still have not.

You're normal for liking who you like. I believe there's no need for labels. I put mine six years after I started questioning and I hate having a label. I'd prefer to say "love has no gender" because it truly doesn't. You can't help who you fall in love with, or have an attraction to. There's nothing wrong with that. Nothing at all. Also, to address your bisexual question, I don't believe that it's a choice thing. To go along with what I just said, I don't believe love has a gender and if it did, then there wouldn't be such thing as homosexuals, bisexuals, etc. etc. But there is, and there are people who label bisexual because they like both sexes. Which again, is perfect okay.

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How did you figure out about your sexuality? When did you start to realize? I'm just curious here. Because if you really were wired a certain way, wouldn't you always from the very beginning know your sexuality? I don't mean to sound offending. I just want to know. I'm honestly searching for answers, here.
My first kiss was with my best friend who happened to be a girl. We were playing truth or dare by ourselves and she said "I dare you to kiss me" and I said okay, because I wanted to. So I did and I liked it. That's when I knew I was a little uneasy with being pressured to like boys. Ever since then, I've dated guys and only guys because as I said, I was scared to come out. I just recently came out to a friend on here actually, and I'm planning on coming out to my family and friends "in real life" as well. I always knew deep down that I like girls and boys, leaning more towards girls, but I hid it for so many years. Hiding it is exhausting, so I don't really want to go that route anymore.

Anyways, I'm rambling. I hope I answered your questions.
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Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here - February 27th 2012, 01:40 AM

I do believe that I was wired this way. I realized when I was eight that I wanted to kiss girls and boys. I told my sister that I thought Beyonce was really cute, and that I had a crush on her. She laughed at me, and called me gay, and it scared me. I became more comfortable with myself with time, and I came out to my parents in early January.
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Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here - February 27th 2012, 04:43 PM

I don't think it's hard wired at all, I think everyone is on a large scale from straight to gay (varying degrees etc), and everything in between, and we move up and down on that scale depending on who we meet and what happens to us over the course of our lives, every living moment we slightly shift. I had never even considered the fact I may be into girls until I was asked to go on a date by a friend of mine. So I think anyone would have the possibility of liking the same gender, if they were put in a specific context, but yes there are indeed 100% straight people, no denying that.

This was just my opinion though, not trying to step on any toes
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Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here - February 27th 2012, 11:15 PM

Thanks, Rachel, I appreciate your input. ^^ Different perspectives are definitely something I want to hear about. I think you've got an idea worth considering.
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Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here - February 27th 2012, 11:22 PM

For me, at almost 15, my bisexuality was something I always felt, but didn't know about until I was 12. (I was maybe 12 or 13 when I finally came out.) Like, I always felt sexual attraction for both sexes. "He's hot," "She's hot." "He's gorgeous," "She's beautiful" and thinking those sexual thoughts meant the same thing, if it was a girl or a guy. I just never knew there was a name for it until I was a teenager. It was normal, and I've been that way for as long as I can remember. I do think I was born that way.
I grew up Christian, not really sure what my religion is now. My take on it is God's opinion on it doesn't matter, I'm me, who cares?


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Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here - February 28th 2012, 08:09 AM

i am christan and i am bi i figured it out because i liked both sexes


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Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here - February 28th 2012, 12:56 PM

I'd never had a boyfriend growing up, but sometimes I'd find myself wanting to get closer to my friends, I got butterflies when one of them hugged me and I just loved spending time with her. So I started thinking maybe I was bisexual. I still don't fully know what I am but I'm in a strong relationship with a girl just now and I'm not in the slightest bit interested in men so I identify as lesbian.


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Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here - March 5th 2012, 12:27 PM

I find myself all over the place. I liked boys, until I was 13 and got my first girlfriend. This happened because I was dating a guy and wanted to learn how to kiss, so went to my best friend. She ended up teaching me how to kiss and found out I enjoyed kissing her more than my boyfriend. Was with her for a year...and was more a straight up lesbian that entire year because I have absolutely no interest in boys what so ever. Was all about girls. Then broke up with her. Went back to being straight with no interest in girls. As I got older had flings with girls. Classified myself as bi. Now I am where I am now as a Pansexual. I figured that out because I do thoroughly enjoy both genders. But it is more feeling and emotional based than sexually based. Also more selective of the females I find myself attracted to. =)
So really it all just happens, I didn't chose to like girls or expect it to happen it just did and I accepted it.


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Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here - March 6th 2012, 12:35 PM

I always knew, really, that I was bi. I liked guys, I did, I mean, some were hot,but most were jerks that I couldn't see myself, in a MILLION years, dating. Now girls, that's another story. They like you for who you are, not who you are trying to be. They like you for your qualities, and who you are inside and out
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Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here - March 6th 2012, 06:27 PM

I've always liked boys until three years ago this girl came onto me and kissed me. From that day on something inside me change. Over a few months I fell head of heels in love with here and until last month we were together. But not many people knew. We both hid it because we were, or I was scared of what people would think. We're not together anymore and I'm over the phase of missing her, but I can't seem to be attracted to guys anymore. I just don't know how I'm gonna meet another girl if no one knows I like them. I would never make the first move and I think I'm stuck! I need help!
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Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here - March 6th 2012, 07:05 PM

Hey Julia. =)

Around here, I consider myself pansexual, because in all truthfulness that's what I am, but offline people don't know what that means, so I say I'm bisexual. I knew that I'm attracted to multiple sexes probably when I was ten or eleven, but I didn't tell anyone and I didn't admit it to myself either. I'm Roman Catholic, and homosexuality is frowned upon, and I will be one of the ones to work to help change that.

I didn't really "come out" until this summer, and it was to one person. She was upset and crying because of something that made her different and she was terrified to be proud of it, so I told her that I'm bisexual(we were at an all-girl camp too, so it was a lot of fun xD). Since then, I've come out to all of my friends, two of my four siblings, everyone at school and I don't really hide it so I'm not sure how my parents haven't realized it yet.

In my case, being bisexual/pansexual(whatever term floats your boat) isn't a choice. My parents are very homophobic, as is a large percentage of my extended family. I've lost several friends and kids at school are cruel to the LGBT community. But I don't let it get to me, I can't. My sexuality is as natural and as much as a choice as being a redhead is(I'm not allowed to dye my hair, so I don't have a choice. =P). It's different, diffidently not normal in my conservative town, but I can't change how I was born.
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