Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here
 

Okay. Hello. -waves- I am Julia. I'm a Christian, but there's a lot of debate over whether or not same-gender romance/sexual relations is or is not sinful. I think it is not sinful if you really truly were wired that way. So I like to support LGBT people. But anyway. To my main question...

I noticed that for me, I honestly have no control over who I like. Always guys. I mean, I'm as straight as an arrow. I know that occasionally (it happened to me once) I'll meet a fellow girl and think to myself, "I could actually come to like this person, really." But usually it is if that girl happens to be particularly masculine. And this realization lead me to this question...

How did you figure out about your sexuality? When did you start to realize? I'm just curious here. Because if you really were wired a certain way, wouldn't you always from the very beginning know your sexuality? :? I don't mean to sound offending. I just want to know. I'm honestly searching for answers, here.

I get more confused about people saying they're bi because of this. Isn't being bi a choice, essentially? And I'm not trying to say it's wrong because of this. Once again, lots of debate on this subject even among Christians. That's not what I'm asking. I just want to know if you think sexuality, especially with bi people, can be a choice-thing. I'm not asking if it's wrong.

But other than that... I would appreciate peoples' stories about how they came to realize their sexuality. How did it all begin? I also want to say - to those of you who've gathered courage to "come out", I think you're brave.

Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here
 

Well, I found my sexuality over the course of a year, it would have been shorter but I denied it (O.o People kept asking me if I was LGBT months before...) -The first time I noticed myself getting really into a girl? Looking at my friend's FB pics, for some reason she wanted me to judge wether or not she looked like a guy... She kind of did, but I knew that it was my friend and my friend is female, so... And then it just happened a lot more with her. Wanting to kiss her, getting excited by stupid small things that somehow translate into "she might like you too!" (Still am...)

-And, if your really bi, it shouldn't come as a problem with your religion, who you love is between you and that person and God. God can't hate a person for doing what the sole perpose of the bible is to do, love.

Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here
 

I've only just since about august 2011 known I was a lesbian, before that I thought I was bi for a year, but I've been a bit suspicious of it since I was about 11. It was a really normal day, I was cleaning the kitchen and I suddenly knew for sure that I liked girls, it was very strange, I had to sit down it shocked me so much, but since then I've had a confidence I never had before :) so I know that I'm right about my sexuality.

- Love is all over the new testament (I'm born Roman Catholic, although I don't associate myself with that religious group anymore) I can't believe that the God it tells us about, a loving God, could possibly call something a sin which we cannot control :)

Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here
 

For me I became aware of same sex attraction at the age of 10 and knew I was a lesbian at the age of 12. I did however come out as bi a the age of 15 to test the waters and because I didn't fully accept my sexuality. A year later at 16 I came out as lesbian. I have now been out at my school for over a year.

In answering your question about wouldn't we always know our sexuality....well I don't think before the age of 10 people even start thinking about their sexuality. As children we just exist and don't dwell on gender and certainly not sexuality.
Then we are raised straight, by this I mean that generally parents do not raise their children thinking that they are going to be gay/lesbian/bi etc. It's not the case for all parents and upbringings, but it is for the majority of time.

I am really gald that you posted this as a Christian asking questions. It shows you are willing to talk and think about your faith which is how I believe all religous people should be like.

I am willing to answer anymore questions. I have alot to say about this kind of thing coming from the prespective of a lesbian Christian.

Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here
 

Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here
 

Thanks for the reassurance abou the religion thing, it helps.
Well I'm pretty sure I'm bi, I've always gotten crushes on guys since I was little but over the past year I've started kinda liking girls too... So I'm still trying to figure it out, but I'm pretty sure I'm bisexual.
When I was a little kid (like 9 maybe) be and my best friend made out. Which yeah is creepy... But I was little and I was curious, and honestly, I liked it. And over the past year or so, to be honest I find myself checking out girls a lot, and once I kind of had a crush on a girl-- she's 14 and really nice, and really funny and I was just really attracted to her for a time- not like OBSESSED or anything, not even close, but I just kind of like her. And not in a friendship way, like in the way I would like a guy.
And once I thought about it, the idea of dating a girl sounds awesome. I would live a girlfriend.
As for how people realize it... I think it depends on the person. Some people realize it pretty early- like 10 or 11- often after many instances in childhood that would make them think they were gay/bi/whatever they were, but they didn't understand it yet.
And some people pretend to be bi for attention, but for the people who actually ARE, I don't think it's a choice at all. Just like you know you like guys, and some girls know they like guys, I like both. That's just who I am attracted to.

Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here
 

I did not realize i was gay when i was younger. I just thought I was supposed to like girls. I chased them around and I got all nervous around them. but then I met this one boy in art class. he made my head spin and my blood rush and my heart ache. I never felt this way for any girl. that's when I knew I liked boys. not that I was any different then the rest of the kids. just the simple observation. but then he got scared of me when i told him how i felt. and so then i became scared of myself. I was closeted from then on for a while. I still kind of am. I will never deny who i am. but i don't go around telling guys I like that i like them for fear of being hated and judged.

Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here
 

Thats a really good question!
I came out (To myself) in I think, 6th grade.
I'm Bisexual, but i dont believe it was a choice. It's just the feeling of physical/sexual attraction to both sexes.
I Think that i knew i was Bi because i just always felt this odd feeling around some girls, the kind of feeling you would get around the guy you really like.
But i think it helps most people finding out about their sexuality by just expirimenting.
Hope this helped(:

Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here
 

I began to question my sexuality right around when I turned fifteen. I had a best friend that I totally worshipped, and one night, when we were drunk, we made out. I really, really liked it, and it wasn't just the alcohol talking, either. It became confusing because I started developing a crush on my friend....but she was very straight, except for making out a little when she was drunk. For various reasons it didn't work out and the friendship ended.

However, my crush on her left me thinking I was probably bisexual. I began spending time with other LGBT youth, and felt really at home with them. I really felt I was bisexual at times, but not at others. I called myself bisexual, but I was really back and forth on it.

Sure enough, I was 16, then 17, then 18 and I was pretty sure, but still uncertain. However, when I was 19, I met one of the most amazing women I have ever known. She is significantly older than me, but I find our spirits are so alike that it doesn't really matter. She became my girlfriend and the only woman I've ever been, or want to be, in love with.

We aren't together anymore, and it's not clear where things are going (it's a complicated story), but we are great friends, and still care a lot about each other. But it's the love I have for her, and the physical attraction I feel towards other women, that really opened my eyes and made me realize that yes, I am bisexual, and very proud of it.

Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here
 

Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here
 

Thank you guys so much! ^^ You've helped me with my questions. I got suck a quick response, too. Sidhe, I loved what you said about the food-thing. That really, really, really helped. Yes, being straight for me definitely wasn't a choice. I can't imagine it being any other way. I don't think it's possibly possible for me to like my own gender in the way I like guys. O_o

So do you think then that the reason why it seems to take people a while to realize their sexuality is because we are brought up to be straight and then realize we aren't (on top of the need to experiment)?

Still feel free to keep posting stories of when you did realize your sexuality. I, for one, find them interesting and it causes me to self-reflect a bit. =]

Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here
 

Yes, I think at least a big part of the reason is that our families and pretty much everyone around us is TELLING us that we are straight, from the day we are born, and that's what we are expected to be.
I think it's also that when we are younger, we dont think about sexuality as much, so most people don't really realize it at least until their teens.

Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here
 

Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here
 

Hey.

I think I always realized that I was a bit different in that I had essentially no attraction to girls when so many other people did. I didn't make too many friends when I was young, and was actually the most chummy with adults for some reason, but when I did make friends or whatever I MOSTLY felt closer to the guys. However, I really started coming to this realization about a year and a half ago when I became physically (and somewhat romantically) attracted to certain guys at school, etc.

Regarding bisexuality - No, I do not think it's a choice. Sexuality is not a rock-solid, white and black thing. There are quite a few shades of gray--most everyone leans one way or the other, but that does not mean that there isn't room for one to be attracted to the sex that they don't lean toward. I think, to varying extents, anybody COULD have certain feelings for the same and opposite sex. In other words, I think any straight person could possibly have feelings for the same sex at some point, and vice versa. So when it comes down to it, the label is really up to your own interpretation--only YOU can decide whether to classify yourself, and if so, what classification you fit in. :)

Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here
 

Wow, thanks guys! ^^ I'm partly asking because I've had a tough time with my brother... You see, we're a Christian family and he said he started questioning his faith when he realized that he was bi. Since he was my brother, I wanted to support him. He's always had a hard time connecting with people. The fact that he found someone to connect with was so great to me.

I've had a hard time finding a stance on this issue. It's sad because now he's not a Christian and that makes things harder on the family because we're concerned for him.

Any tips on how to support my brother? Especially with his sexuality? I haven't said much to him right out. I've just nodded because I haven't known what to say to him.

It's hard for me coming from someone raised like I was on this issue. I guess it's weird hearing me, a straight Christian gal, worrying over this issue when I'm not gay or lesbian or bi myself. x3

Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here
 

In answer to your original questions-
I always knew I was a little different, but I just recently let myself accept that I was bisexual, if that makes sense. It probably has something to do with the fact that my family basically hates LGBT people.

Being bisexual just means you can love/be attracted to both sexes. I don't really understand your thinking here. How is it a choice to be attracted to both sexes, instead of just one? Oh well, moving on.

About your brother-
If I came out to my family, I would want support most of all. I would want to be loved for who I am and accepted. You have to understand that it takes tons of courage to come out. You should be there for him, and listen to what he has to say. If you want to ask him questions to better understand it, I'm sure that would be fine. :) The main thing you can do is be there for him, and help him through this, I'm sure he's not exactly having an easy time.

I don't think its weird. :) I think you're probably here to try to better understand us and get advice on your brother. Nothing to worry about.
You can PM me any time if you need anything.

Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here
 

Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here
 

Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here
 

I'm still in the process of figuring my sexuality out, and I'm 16 years old. I think I always liked hanging around girls more than guys, but it was always expected that I would like boys, and I've had my share of a few big crushes - but they were for a long time, mostly idealized and not really based on anything except dreaming, and always on my best guy friend. I'm the first child, so I didn't know anything at all. Going back though, I can see that there might be hints. When I was 8, I had a best friend who I wanted to do EVERYTHING with, to the point where I got very upset if she had other friends and had a life outside me (although of course I was allowed to do this). I was so jealous that I ended up having huge fights with her every day for a month, and it finally ended our friendship. No one could really convince me that I was wrong. I guess maybe I had a crush on her? I'm not really sure, though.

When I look at guys, it's different than how I look at girls. Guys are fun to flirt with, but whenever commitment comes up or there's something physical involved, it's not as fun. I made out with my best guy friend and it was nice, but it wasn't spectacular. I'm grossed out by the idea of blow jobs, and although sex doesn't seem terrible, it sort of cools me down. I'm much more aroused by women.

As to when I started to figure this out, probably around when I was 13 years old, the summer before eighth grade. I started thinking maybe I was bisexual, but the person I told didn't take me very seriously. When I sort of developed a crush on a girl and she asked me out in ninth grade, it came up again and I've been trying to figure myself out since. I'd say I'm probably somewhere between bisexual and a lesbian, closer to bisexual because of my behavior, but it's still a very long road.

People expect you to know from the very beginning that you're different, but if you're anything like me, you're very externally oriented. I tend to internalize what's not considered "good" or "likeable" about me and to focus on what I can do to seem normal, so even if I was having these feelings at the time, I wouldn't have realized it. Now, I'm trying to be honest with myself and see where that gets me.

Hope this helps.

Callie

Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here
 

Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here
 

I do believe that I was wired this way. I realized when I was eight that I wanted to kiss girls and boys. I told my sister that I thought Beyonce was really cute, and that I had a crush on her. She laughed at me, and called me gay, and it scared me. I became more comfortable with myself with time, and I came out to my parents in early January.

Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here
 

I don't think it's hard wired at all, I think everyone is on a large scale from straight to gay (varying degrees etc), and everything in between, and we move up and down on that scale depending on who we meet and what happens to us over the course of our lives, every living moment we slightly shift. I had never even considered the fact I may be into girls until I was asked to go on a date by a friend of mine. So I think anyone would have the possibility of liking the same gender, if they were put in a specific context, but yes there are indeed 100% straight people, no denying that.

This was just my opinion though, not trying to step on any toes :p

Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here
 

Thanks, Rachel, I appreciate your input. ^^ Different perspectives are definitely something I want to hear about. :) I think you've got an idea worth considering.

Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here
 

Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here
 

i am christan and i am bi i figured it out because i liked both sexes

Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here
 

Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here
 

Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here
 

I always knew, really, that I was bi. I liked guys, I did, I mean, some were hot,but most were jerks that I couldn't see myself, in a MILLION years, dating. Now girls, that's another story. They like you for who you are, not who you are trying to be. They like you for your qualities, and who you are inside and out

Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here
 

I've always liked boys until three years ago this girl came onto me and kissed me. From that day on something inside me change. Over a few months I fell head of heels in love with here and until last month we were together. But not many people knew. We both hid it because we were, or I was scared of what people would think. We're not together anymore and I'm over the phase of missing her, but I can't seem to be attracted to guys anymore. I just don't know how I'm gonna meet another girl if no one knows I like them. I would never make the first move and I think I'm stuck! I need help!

Re: Questions for the LGBT People 'Round Here