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LGBT, Sexuality and Gender Identity Whether you're LGBT, questioning, have gender identity issues, or have entirely unrelated feelings, this forum is here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Skelly Offline
Half-arsed Philosopher
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Name: Call me Heddy
Age: 19
Gender: Possibly future FtM
Location: Australia

Posts: 1
Join Date: March 31st 2012

I think I may be a FtM transsexual - March 31st 2012, 08:47 PM

This is a really confusing time for me right now, so forgive me if things come out somewhat muddled as I write . . . It will probably be a string of thoughts as things come to mind.

I'm not one of those girls who has been a tomboy all her life. Saying this, though, I've never been particularly feminine, either. Casual, really, and just dressing as to what I feel that day.
However, over the past few years I've had moments - or even prolonged, underlying moments - where I desired to be male. I've felt more comfortable in male company and being treated as an equal (even if my closest friends have been female) and even online, sometimes I'd make male personas or just get flattered when I wouldn't specify and be mistaken as male. Drawing or playing out male egos, and even dressing as male. They make me happy.

It has nothing to do with sexuality. I'm not a lesbian, though I have had purely romantic feelings towards girls (not sexual) in the past, which brushes on another point I'll touch on later. But I've always sort of seen people undergoing FtM and transsexuality as a sexuality thing. It is only recently online that I've come across females who are straight, who actually came out as transmen and are therefore gay, which I can relate to. I know now that gender and sexuality don't necessarily go hand-in-hand.

I often dream of myself as a gay man, and fantasize it before bed. Essentially, just ME. But male. I feel almost restricted as a female.

So while I've had this underlying desire for a while, it truly rose to the surface just recently. I fell in love with a guy, and we dated. After some time he broke it off with me and told me "it's because he isn't comfortable in relationships - probably not just me - but with anyone" but we managed to stay friends. Very close friends, actually. It killed me inside, and still does, because I still care for him. However, after some time now my genuine suspicion is that he's gay, or at least prefers men over women, because I know that he does like men. I have my reasons for believing this; I won't necessarily write them here to avoid going off topic.
My second issue is feeling romantic towards females. I don't have feelings for just any girl - no light crushes. When I crush on girls I crush HARD. In fact, it's only happened twice. But anyway, my most recent interest is female, but she's straight.
Why is it that I steer more towards bisexual or slightly effeminate men, or straight females?
This issue brought up a new passion, for almost despising my gender and how it restricts me. None of it seems fair.

I wish I was male. I really, really do.
But this is what I'm scared of. I don't want people to look at me and say "oh, it's that girl who pretends to be a boy" or any of that. I just want to continue being me. Nothing more. Being seen as different, and having that hinder relationships and my way of life is NOT what I want. I mean, what if I'm never loved again? What if I'll never be able to start a family?

But then again, how can I know that this isn't just a faze?

I'm really confused, but . . . that is how I feel. I feel like a gay, little man. Oh, how I wish for a miracle where I would just change.
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
George^^ Offline
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Name: George
Age: 17
Gender: Other
Location: Guess

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Re: I think I may be a FtM transsexual - March 31st 2012, 11:16 PM

Hey. I'm happy to help, because I can understand the whole "what is my gender?", -I was the same way, and still am. I like "girly" clothing, but I'm much more laid back.

Anyways, Gender is the way you feel. If you feel that you'll be happier male, than that's just who you are. The last part, expecially the part of not being loved ever again. There are people who understand, and Thomas Beatie (Better known as the pregnant man) was FTM, and he has a family. Don't worry to much about it, it's the love, not the gender.

There is such thing as gay FTM's (I happen to be a pansexual, so... sexuality can have minor ties with gender, because I regognize the lack of one gender in myself and in others).

I'm sorry if I haven't been the most help, and if you ever want to talk, just PM me.

-G.


I've said it once, I've said it twice, I've said it a thousand fucking times
That I'm OK, that I'm fine, that it's all just in my mind
But this has got the best of me, and I can't seem to sleep
It's not 'cause you're not with me, it's cause you never leave
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Caffeine Offline
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Name: Ally
Age: 21
Gender: complicated
Location: Canada

Posts: 23
Join Date: April 3rd 2012

Re: I think I may be a FtM transsexual - April 3rd 2012, 03:41 PM

Hey Heddy!

I can relate almost perfectly with what you are talking about here, except the other way around. I know this can be really confusing and that it really sucks. However if you ever want someone to talk to feel free to send a pm my way!

As George said, gender is how you truely feel. Sexuality is seperate from that, however can contribute to your feelings.. If that made much of any sense.

You will find someone who loves you for you. No conditions. There is someone there. going through something like this is hard, and talking about it is a great start!

I think we all wish we had a magic wand so that we could just wave it and be happy. However talking about it with people who understand is the first step in making yourself feel better.

Again message me or add me as a friend if you want! I'd be delighted to get to know you and talk to you!
Take care!

-Ally-
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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Henry Cullen Offline
Vampire as of 1623 AD
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Name: Henry
Age: 16
Gender: Vampire
Location: Hanging with the Cullens

Posts: 56
Join Date: February 26th 2012

Re: I think I may be a FtM transsexual - April 5th 2012, 03:40 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Skelly View Post
This is a really confusing time for me right now, so forgive me if things come out somewhat muddled as I write . . . It will probably be a string of thoughts as things come to mind.

I'm not one of those girls who has been a tomboy all her life. Saying this, though, I've never been particularly feminine, either. Casual, really, and just dressing as to what I feel that day.
However, over the past few years I've had moments - or even prolonged, underlying moments - where I desired to be male. I've felt more comfortable in male company and being treated as an equal (even if my closest friends have been female) and even online, sometimes I'd make male personas or just get flattered when I wouldn't specify and be mistaken as male. Drawing or playing out male egos, and even dressing as male. They make me happy.

It has nothing to do with sexuality. I'm not a lesbian, though I have had purely romantic feelings towards girls (not sexual) in the past, which brushes on another point I'll touch on later. But I've always sort of seen people undergoing FtM and transsexuality as a sexuality thing. It is only recently online that I've come across females who are straight, who actually came out as transmen and are therefore gay, which I can relate to. I know now that gender and sexuality don't necessarily go hand-in-hand.

I often dream of myself as a gay man, and fantasize it before bed. Essentially, just ME. But male. I feel almost restricted as a female.

So while I've had this underlying desire for a while, it truly rose to the surface just recently. I fell in love with a guy, and we dated. After some time he broke it off with me and told me "it's because he isn't comfortable in relationships - probably not just me - but with anyone" but we managed to stay friends. Very close friends, actually. It killed me inside, and still does, because I still care for him. However, after some time now my genuine suspicion is that he's gay, or at least prefers men over women, because I know that he does like men. I have my reasons for believing this; I won't necessarily write them here to avoid going off topic.
My second issue is feeling romantic towards females. I don't have feelings for just any girl - no light crushes. When I crush on girls I crush HARD. In fact, it's only happened twice. But anyway, my most recent interest is female, but she's straight.
Why is it that I steer more towards bisexual or slightly effeminate men, or straight females?
This issue brought up a new passion, for almost despising my gender and how it restricts me. None of it seems fair.

I wish I was male. I really, really do.
But this is what I'm scared of. I don't want people to look at me and say "oh, it's that girl who pretends to be a boy" or any of that. I just want to continue being me. Nothing more. Being seen as different, and having that hinder relationships and my way of life is NOT what I want. I mean, what if I'm never loved again? What if I'll never be able to start a family?

But then again, how can I know that this isn't just a faze?

I'm really confused, but . . . that is how I feel. I feel like a gay, little man. Oh, how I wish for a miracle where I would just change.
Oh how I wish that so much, I am indeed bi, ( leaning more towards being a Lesbian) I do indeed crush hard on women, I am starting to despise my gender slightly, I am as tomboy as I can be allowed, i were whatever clothes i want to, and own abousolutely NO dresses( hate them.)Boys have it so much easier.. I'm sorry if I can't help, but if it makes you feel better, we could be twins!

You can PM me if you want to have support or talk about this,I am a good listener.
   
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