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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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2dreamland Offline
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Just a random q/thought - April 21st 2012, 08:03 PM

I met this guy in 2007, we broke up in 2009. we were both each other's first kiss/love. he messed up after his niece died (R.i.p. Catheryn) and he kinda had sex twice. He actually never "finished" or climaxed, but i guess it still counts. He's kissed other girls, etc. Now we're back together finally after 3 years and i'm still a virgin, and we always talked about being each other's first after we got married and what not... and we're serious again, and we plan on getting married. I'm not really upset anymore that he did it and it wasn't with me even though i wish it was me that was his first. but everything happens for a reason...But it didn't mean anything he said. and i believe him. so i was just wondering if "first and last love" can still be for us? does it still count? Even though I can't exactly be his first sexual partner, can i still count as his "first and last love"? he never loved anyone else, (his words , not mine! ) so that's gotta count for something too.. I just kinda want to see what people think.

also we used to have phone sex 2007-2009, does that mean I WAS his first sexual partner just in that way? at least he climaxed back then LOL

Sorry if this seems silly or ridiculous but just know I don't make him feel bad about it or anything. I was never mad at him and when he told me we weren't even going back out cuz we always stayed best friends. it took a while but after his niece died we just stuck. that was in 2010 but i found out late 2011. but yeah.. anyways! thanks


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Re: Just a random q/thought - April 21st 2012, 08:32 PM

Just to clarify, "counting" sex has nothing to do with whether or not someone climaxed. That would be like saying a female has never really had sex until she has an orgasm during it. Vaginal sex is the penetration of the vagina by the penis. So yes, he did have sexual intercourse.

I don't understand how he "messed up" if he had sex twice after you guys had broken up. The relationship was over. He had no commitment to stay true to you. I'm glad you've reasoned that it's irrational for you to be upset with him about that, but that does mean you may want to work on thinking he "messed up, " even if you aren't angry about it. "Messed up" denotes he made a mistake, and he didn't.

Here's the thing: it's not the most important thing to be someone's first partner. Is it a very sweet and romantic gesture? Sure, for the people who want it to be. But the first few times can often suck. And even if they didn't, it's not important to be first; it's important to be sexually compatible with him. So when you do take that step together, focus on communicating and having a healthy, positive and happy sexual relationship, not on how many people or times either of you has had sex.

To your other question, yes, it's possible to be someone's first and last love. People do meet their first love and, even if time takes them apart and puts them together again, over and over, they can still love each other. This can count even if they never actually get back together. And what's really important is that you two DO have that special relationship, and you feel secure in it. THAT'S what matters most.


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Re: Just a random q/thought - April 21st 2012, 09:03 PM

Actually, when I said mess up, is because to us that is messing up. We're Catholic and that was a mortal sin what he did. It has NOTHING to do with whether he was committed to me or not, or anything at all but believe what you want to believe. This is why I don't post on forums. I don't even mention it to him anymore, and I make him feel better about it. He made a mistake, he messed up, but I make him feel better about it because he feels guilty. So I don't have to work on anything. Anyways, thanks for your reply and I might just edit out what I said because I don't need anyone to tell me anything actually..., in our eyes we are each other's first and last love. We were always each other's only love. it just took some time to get us back again And whether he had sex with many people, or no one, we're both each other's firsts. Because deep down, we've never loved anyone else. So we'll be making love, as opposed to "having sex". we do have something very special and when that day comes we'll only be thinking of how much we love each other.


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Re: Just a random q/thought - April 21st 2012, 09:06 PM

I do appreciate the last two mini-paragraphs though


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