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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Bad Breakup..Involves gf and friend. Need advice! - May 10th 2012, 09:06 PM

My girlfriend of 1 year has split up with me claiming she needed time and a change, 1 week ago.
Even though she had cheated on me previously, i stayed with her, helped her with all her problems and gave her a life better then what she had ( drugs, hanging around with the wrong people . I helped fixed her life for her, and we had a great relationship, with arguments though like any other.

She says she wants to be friends, But now a week later she is dating one of my friends, which he is not any more. And its not like i am a bad guy, I am ussualy the one people come to for help because i am non judging and give great advice.
But when it comes to my own problems, i really have no one that understands how to communicate maturely with me. All throughout school I was looking for serious relationships and i was always very mature about relationships.

So the bottem line is, I care for this girl as a winnie the poo cares for honey.
Since we broke up, I have been running, workingout, eating properly, and physically I feel amazing, But mentally I feel exhausted.

I have tried to talk to her, because one of my best skills is communicating with another human of any age. She has made it clear she wants a change in her life, but hasnt though it all out.

Now im wondering, What should I do? I know i should just do things to occupy me, and I have. But ive been having nightmares of those 2. And at school, its painfull watching them. I try to remove myself out from where they are, but most of my other friends are always around the same spot.

The girl does still care about me and love me, she told me that.
but she wants change and to live her life freely for awhile, in her own words "were not married, we dont have to act like it"

Am i just to serious to have a relationship at 18?
Or is this girl just making a big mistake, and if she came back realizing what she had done to me, should I take her back if i still felt i loved her?
   
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Re: Bad Breakup..Involves gf and friend. Need advice! - May 10th 2012, 11:46 PM

I know a lot of people who started dating at 18 and have either gotten engaged or married. But fact of the matter is that you ARE only 18. Since, at 20, I am basically in the same period of life as you, I know that is is very uncommon for people to get into super serious relationships this young. A lot of people experience their first love, and even have long term "in love" relationships for 2 or 3 years (give or take). But the likelihood of it going all the way to marriage is slim.

It sounds like you are fairly mature, and it is good you are handling it though it is definitely hard on you. All you can really do right now is tell her you love her and that if she wants you back, you're not going anywhere right now. She has apparently made it pretty clear that she feels like her life is going on a path that doesn't include you right now and there isn't much you can do to stop that, so all you can do is try to do what is best for you around what she is doing, focus on being healthy and on school and what ever else (family, friends, pets, etc). Only time will stop the pain of missing her, and only time will tell if she'll want to come back or if you should move on. But you are only 18, so you should probably work with the assumption that she "won't" come back and work on moving on with you're life (take up photography or something with your new found free time)
   
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Re: Bad Breakup..Involves gf and friend. Need advice! - May 11th 2012, 12:30 AM

I will continue to move on, thanks for the advice!
   
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Re: Bad Breakup..Involves gf and friend. Need advice! - May 11th 2012, 04:12 AM

I think its fair of you to be looking and trying to get into a more stable relationship at 18. Sure, you probably won't end up marrying anyone you date at this age, but I think its good that you want something more serious than just a few flings here and there.
I'm also proud of you for working on moving on, and doing so in a healthy manner. Taking care of yourself so that you feel physically better can really help you overall, so continue doing that.
You won't really be able to be friends with her until you have moved on. So cutting off contact is actually a good idea in this case, it can help you move on faster and easier.
This will take some time, but you'll get through it. You seem to have a great attitude about it too.


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Re: Bad Breakup..Involves gf and friend. Need advice! - May 11th 2012, 11:18 AM

At 18, this is the time when settling down into a long-term relationship becomes more of a norm. I know when I was your age, I had a serious boyfriend, and when we broke up in December, I got into another long-term relationship with my best friend, and we've been together even since then. I'll be 22 in a few weeks, and we've been seeing each other for a very long time, so it's possible to be your age, and have a fun, stable, WORKING relationship with someone. I guess I am a pretty good example of that.

Anyway, with this girl, I know she said she loves and cares about you, but it doesn't really seem that way to me. If she did, she wouldn't have dumped you, and jumped right into a new relationship with your friend. She claimed she needed time and a change, and she got the change, but what she didn't give herself or YOU was this time she claimed she needed. I think it's safe to say that she just found a "nicer" way of dumping you, and for good. I'd continue moving on. Don't let this girl get you down. What she did was wrong, and you shouldn't have to deal with the consequences of her own stupidity. When you see them in school, ignore them. There isn't much you can do about the nightmares since it's something outside of our control (and by our, I mean everyone's control, even yours). Just take things day by day, and in the end, you'll see that your ex really wasn't worth it in the long run.











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Re: Bad Breakup..Involves gf and friend. Need advice! - May 11th 2012, 10:14 PM

Back off her now. She's trying to have her cake and eat it, by fucking other guys while keeping you in a holding pattern for when she needs a shoulder to cry on. Honestly, whenever a girl frames a breakup as "taking a break" or "needing time", that's what she means. It is everywhere and always a means of manipulation, and unless you want to be her doormat you should cut all contact with her starting now. Use the time you save by not bothering with her to hit on some cute girls. It'll cheer you up.



   
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Re: Bad Breakup..Involves gf and friend. Need advice! - May 14th 2012, 12:46 AM

Thanks everyone, Everything you all said makes sence, I just have to continue to ignore her and move on. Why should i waste my time on something that wont waste theirs on me.
   
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