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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
shebby Offline
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Exclamation He's so controlling. - June 28th 2012, 06:21 PM

My boyfriend of 2 years is bi-polar and schizophrenic. He's always been difficult to deal with because of that. He changes constantly and half the time I don't know who he is, but I love him. I can't possibly think of ever leaving him.
I moved in with him at the beginning of March this year, and things were okay. But lately, he's just been putting me down constantly and controlling everything I do. I met a girl on here, and she was absolutely amazing. I love her to death, and he found out about her. He flipped his shit, and told me not to talk to her anymore. He said I was being stupid and blah, blah, blah. He controls who I talk to, what I buy with my damn money, what I watch on TV, how much sleep I get, everything. And if I don't listen, idk what will happen. So I do.
He's not a terrible person, he just has these.... times where he acts like this. It's been a while since the last time. I can't handle it with the state I'm in now with my SH and ED. I know our relationship is unhealthy, but I really need this. I need him.
I just, I don't know what to do. Should I talk to him about it?



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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: He's so controlling. - June 28th 2012, 06:40 PM

Honey, that isn't healthy for you. If you don't wanna leave him then maybe try counseling for both of you. That way he can help get control of his emotions and for you to get out of your ed and sh before it gets to late. Feel free to message me anytime you wanna talk. Stay strong.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: He's so controlling. - June 28th 2012, 06:53 PM

We're in counselling. He's convinced it doesn't help any, and we don't have meetings very often. I try to tell the counselor things and discuss it, but my boyfriend just kinda brushes it all off. He thinks that if we need help, we can fix it ourselves without a professional. He's just frustrating that way. I just don't want to say the wrong thing to him and upset him.



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Re: He's so controlling. - June 28th 2012, 06:58 PM

I understand that you're attached to him and are afraid of being alone, but this really isn't doing you any good at this point. Controlling relationships are never worth it, trust me. If he loves you, then he shouldn't be telling you what to do all the time. You could be in a much better relationship where the guy will accept you for who you are and you'll have freedom, but you'll never get that if you don't let your current boyfriend go.
It isn't fair for you to be limited like this, and it doesn't look like its going to change if he won't even try and fix anything.


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Re: He's so controlling. - June 28th 2012, 08:27 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicole! View Post
I understand that you're attached to him and are afraid of being alone, but this really isn't doing you any good at this point. Controlling relationships are never worth it, trust me. If he loves you, then he shouldn't be telling you what to do all the time. You could be in a much better relationship where the guy will accept you for who you are and you'll have freedom, but you'll never get that if you don't let your current boyfriend go.
It isn't fair for you to be limited like this, and it doesn't look like its going to change if he won't even try and fix anything.
I agree with what Nicole said.

I can identify with a lot of what you are saying. I was with a guy who broke my trust enough times that I could no longer trust him but stayed anyway because I loved him sooo much. He was the first guy I was with who really cared for me and showed me love, that feeling was just so good I didnt want to break it off.

I was pretty controling with him, I wanted him to get a good job, not drink or do drugs, and not hang out with other girls alone. These might seem like reasonable requests, however they wernt who he was. I was controling his actions and trying to change parts of him that he felt he needed to have. He ended up feeling very repressed and unhappy and I was always untrusting of him.

In the end we broke up, he is happier and living his life the way he wants with someone who excepts those sides of him, and I am with someone I can feel safe with trusting and be loved by. At first it hurt a lot, but I realized he wasnt the one for me, and the only reason I was staying in a hurtful toxic relationship is because I was addicted to the feeling of being loved. Knowing it was only the feeling of love that was holding me in the relationship helped me break it off because I knew I could find that somewhere else with a person who I could trust and feel happier with.

So even though it doesnt feel like you can handle the split, you can, because you know you can find someone out there who loves you and who can let you been who you are.


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Re: He's so controlling. - June 29th 2012, 02:09 AM

Leave. It may sound hard but I have witnessed to many controlling relationships. It's only going to get worse with time. He's testing you to see how far you will let him go with it and with you staying in the relationship for this long, he's just going to keep going forth with it. A controlling relationship will most likely turn to an abusive one in the future. Trust me, it will be much easier getting out of a controlling relationship than an abusive one.

The ultimate decision is yours though. You have to WANT to leave him. It's going to be hard, really hard. just keep saying to yourself that it's easier than having your every move controlled!! Keep telling yourself that you're better than that and you deserve much more than him, because you do. No one deserves a relationship like that. Good luck, love.
   
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Re: He's so controlling. - June 29th 2012, 02:34 AM

I think you already know the answer is to leave. You can't change him and that's just what it is. You can't change anyone unless they want to change themselves. You mentioned he was a schizophrenic and you have to realize it's something he will always have. But, being Schizophrenic does not give an excuse to limit you to do things that you want to do. It's just not fair to you. This isn't love, this is just being needy on your part. You will not lose love if you leave him, you will just lose yourself and continue being crazy like you are now. Love does exist elsewhere who will love you for who YOU are. You will truly learn what love is when you leave him. Trust me. Good luck!




   
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Re: He's so controlling. - June 30th 2012, 12:22 AM

You should leave him, if you feel you cant live without him, then find professional help if he doesnt change its time to move on. Youre only 16 you dont need to go through this, nobody can't control your life only yourself.



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Re: He's so controlling. - June 30th 2012, 03:13 AM

I am going to go ahead and close this because the answers are getting repetitive. To the OP, feel free to message me to re-open this or just create a new thread.


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