HATE being single and jealous of friends, but can't help it :/

alexjames

Some of you on here will know I'm a shy, single 20 year old who has no belief in himself lol! A few months ago I met a girl for the first time ever, online.We met up a few times, but for some reason she suddenly text me a while ago saying she don't think we'd work even though we really liked each other. Ever since I've realised being with somebody is the only way I can be happy. I still look at the site daily to see if there is a girl on there I'd like to get to know, but no new users have been on there in weeks. I really want to find a girl, but don't know how (I am nothing to look at plus I look like a 14 year old kid) but I have a big heart and care for people so much, I just want my angel in my life to look after aswell. Also seeing my friends in loving relationships is a lovely thing but it also really hurts me and I get so jealous. Today I saw my friend and her FIANCE and they're only 18 and 19, I love her to bits and I just wish I could be that happy. Plus another person I love to bits (as a person) is pregnant with her 3rd child. I just get really jealous though and it plays on my mind all the time. I'd never let them know though. Have anybody got any advice?!

dr2005

Quote:

Originally Posted by alexjames

Ever since I've realised being with somebody is the only way I can be happy.

I have to be honest, this bit is setting off alarm bells from where I'm sitting. Much as I'd be the first to admit, as a fellow singleton, that being in a relationship has many benefits over being single, you cannot and should not go into a relationship or dating on the basis that it is "the only way you can be happy". It's setting yourself up for a fall straightaway, because it places too much pressure on the other person and your relationship and that's when things start to go wrong. You need to try and find contentment in yourself and in your wider life - that in turn will improve your chances when you meet someone of making a lasting relationship out of it.

In terms of how to meet that certain someone, you need to cast your net as wide as possible. You mention you've been using a website to meet people, and that it hasn't worked as you expected; if that's the case, try another one. Try several. Also try and arrange to go out with friends to see if you can meet people at places you go to. Above all, whatever means you try have some more confidence in yourself - if your thoughts on yourself are that you're "nothing to look at" and "look like a 14 year old" then that will reflect in how you come across to people. Confidence is one of the biggest attractants that we have, and if you want to improve your odds of finding someone it's something you need to work on. It's not easy - believe me, I've been working on this one for YEARS - but not beating yourself up is a good starting point. For every negative thought you have about yourself, find a positive trait to counter it. You'll be surprised how much you can change your self-image just by changing your focus a little.

Hope some of that helps and take care.

Silhouette

Dave is very correct. You need to learn how to be happy when single in order to be happy in a relationship. You don't need someone else to be happy, even if you're in the best and most loving relationship ever, bad things will still happen and you're still able to get upset or depressed. Its just like having a best friend. They can make you happy, but they aren't a cure to life's problems.
You're still very young too, while your friends may be in relationships and getting married, it doesn't mean that you have to be as well. Honestly getting married at 18 and 19 is very young. That being said, you still have plenty of time to search around for someone. So don't feel rushed or stressed out about this because it will happen but you have to be patient.
It would be a good idea to put your focus into something more productive, such as school or work for now. Just keep your eyes open for a possible significant other.