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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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Unhappy love my used to be best guy friend but i love him... - July 7th 2012, 06:02 AM

OK.. so i have this guy friend i use to be like super close to from 2nd to like 8th grade.. we have just graduated and he moved to California and i moved to Wyoming.. i love him like deeply truly and madly. never felt this way before. and I'm with someone and have been for 2 years and i still don't feel the same about this guy as i do when i was hanging out with my friend.. i don't know if it would be a good idea to tell him or to just forget about it.. and lately i cant get him off my mind. i keep having these dreams where he would hold my hand and go to kiss me but it never happens i wake up.. all i want to do is tell him but i really don't want him to be like no you are dumb goodbye and if that happens what would i do... i would just cry. but i don't want it to be like a cheating thing because i am not that type of person.. :/ i am at a loss of words and really don't know what to do anymore.. i need some advise if anyone can give me any please...
thanks.

Last edited by MichelleErian; July 7th 2012 at 06:03 AM. Reason: forgot to add something
   
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Re: love my used to be best guy friend but i love him... - July 7th 2012, 09:12 PM

Okay so first, do you love your current boyfriend? If you aren't happy with him, then it may be time to end the relationship. Having feelings for another person is a sign that things aren't working out too, if you do love him then you wouldn't be feeling this way.
Second, do you think you would be able to do a long distance relationship? They can be very tricky and hard to stay together, however Skype and phone calls can help. Would you two be able to visit each other at all? Relationships need that physical contact in order to differentiate them from just a friendship and its a way to express your feelings.
Breaking up with your current boyfriend is entirely your choice, but if you do decide to dump him then I would go ahead and tell this other guy how you feel. It can be scary, but if you don't then you'll never find out if he feels the same. Love is all about taking risks.
Most of all, don't be afraid to be alone. Just do whatever you feel would make you happiest.


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Re: love my used to be best guy friend but i love him... - July 7th 2012, 09:14 PM

Hey there,

First of all, welcome to TeenHelp! I'm so sorry you have been dealing for this. I have actually had a very similar problem in the past, and understand how tough it can be still having feelings for an old friend.

This is really your decision about how you want to approach this. In my opinion, it is unfair to your current relationship to be lusting over another man, but is also unfair to you to be stuck in a relationship with somebody you do not have true feelings for. Do you think you could ever actually work out a relationship with your friend? Do you think he had feelings back? And would you be willing to either travel or have a long distance relationship? Now, if the answer to these questions are no, I am still not advising you to stay in the relationship with your boyfriend. It is not fair to him that he is the back-up plan for another relationship fail. If you like another man, maybe it would be best to separate from your boyfriend for a while until you can figure out what is right for you to do. And last, you already said you're not the type of person, but remember to never cheat. It is unfair to your relationship.

I know the heartbreak from this can also be unbearable. But you need to do what is right for you, along with the people around you. Remmeber: You are important, and you matter, and even if this guy cannot see it, somebody (either your current boyfriend or a ma in the future) will. I hope this, or another relationship in the future of yours, can work out, and no matter what, you can be healthy with yourself.


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