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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Sounobvious Offline
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Should I email my ex who I broke up with years ago? - November 14th 2012, 09:08 AM

First of all, I just want you guys to know that I have no intention in getting back with my ex. I am currently with a guy now who I've been with for 3 years...I love him...he is great for me and I have no intention of leaving him.

My problem is... my ex was my first love. I felt extremely in love with him and he loved me too but this issue was that he never treated me right. He called me names...said hurtful things to me...would never make sacrifices to keep me happy....and ditched me for his friends a lot. We were together for almost 5 years and I loved him so much that I put up with his crap for a really long time....until finally one day i got sick of it and broke it off with him... he sent me about 5 emails saying he was sorry and he'd change anything to be with me but I just didn't believe him. I was stupid and never told him much about why I was breaking up with him...I just said that we didn't want the same things but never went into detail. I never told him in detail about how unhappy I was with the way that he treated me and this has bugged me up until this day.

I think about it a lot actually..I just feel like I never told him how I felt and therefore I feel like I don't have closure....I know it's been years and I love someone else so it seems really stupid to even care at this point but I just do for some dumb reason. I've been thinking about sending him an email to tell him how I really felt and why I left him years ago but I'm not sure if it's a really stupid idea or not. I don't want him to get the idea that I want him...and I'm also torn because I don't want him knowing I still care this much still...especially if he doesn't. It's embaressing... I just mainly would like to send him an email telling him how shitty he was to me and tell him he never should have took me for granted because i loved him so much and what we had was special. I want to say I'm still mad at him for not treating me right and he was a shitty boyfriend.

God it really does piss me off that I'm this bothered years later... I honestly just want to forget about him for good and forget everything. Do you guys think an email saying all that is a good or bad idea? I don't want to screw things up with my current boyfriend but I want closure with my ex.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Should I email my ex who I broke up with years ago? - November 14th 2012, 09:19 AM

I think you should see him face to face, but emailing is good too. You need the closure and he needs it too. I think you should meet up with him and I am sure your current boyfriend will understand but I think that before you do anything talk to your current boyfriend and see what he has to say. Tell him you love him but need to get the closure from your previous relationship.




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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Should I email my ex who I broke up with years ago? - November 14th 2012, 11:39 AM

Well, I think you shouldn't. You are digging up something from your past - something that should stay there. If he said he changed, then he probably knew he was the problem in the relationship. Maybe you are putting some extra weight in your shoulders because of that, and you shouldn't do this. I know that when we are hurt, we want to "trow" in someone's face that it's their fault but, seriously, it has been five years. You moved on and he moved on. To fix something that happened years ago is to stir something that should be dead. I know how it's to want to had acted different and I know how it's to want to change things that already happened and are dead. But I do know too that this is something you should forget, because it will only stir your feelings and things inside you. And we don't want a war inside you.
However (lol), if you really, really need to talk to him, then e-mail him. If it's hurting you to not say those things to him, then say it. Just think twice if you really need this or if you are just fooling yourself.

Last edited by lumbrirus; November 15th 2012 at 03:08 AM.
   
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Re: Should I email my ex who I broke up with years ago? - November 15th 2012, 03:13 AM

I want to ask this: what advantage will it give you to email him? I know it sucks when there are things you are angry about and just can't let go of, but realistically sending him an angry hostile email telling him what a terrible person he ages ago is NOT something that will end well, he'll probably get angry in return and there will likely be some sort of dramatic repercussions. This isn't something you can just DO and expect it to be all A OK, he's not going to get this email that says "yeah, you were basically a giant A-hole years ago", and sit there and be like "yeah, ok, I deserved to hear about that, time to move on", he's probably going to think that A) you should be over it, and B) that you are being ridiculous because you should be over it and C) that you are being ridiculous because you stayed with him for 5 years even though he's supposedly evil. Now, I am not trying to criticize you, I'm just saying that if you offend him out of the blue those are just some assumptions he might come to, which could get a lot worse depending on how angry he gets. It is just a bad idea that I really think you will NOT gain anything from. I can totally understand staying in a relationship way past it's expiration date, and for me a lot of what I felt for quite a while afterwards was "what was I thinking staying with him for so long, how stupid could I have been?", and I know exactly how long and how easy it is to hold onto resentment, for me it's been long enough that I'm over it but still, so I think it is fine if your still mad or holding onto something but at the end of the day, angry hate mail is NOT going to solve how you feel with him. I think you need to find another way to move past it.




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Re: Should I email my ex who I broke up with years ago? - November 16th 2012, 07:26 AM

Before you email him I think it's important to ask yourself what you would really want out of it. What are your true intentions of sending that email?

This was years ago. You've been with someone else for three years and you have a healthy, loving relationship with them. This other person was someone who mistreated you and wronged you. You know you were in the right to break up with them because they were unhealthy for you. You don't owe them anything or any explanation. You don't know who they are anymore or what state their life is in or anything like that.

Honestly, this was a really long time ago. You've both moved on to do other things and be with other people since then. You've certainly found happiness, and they may have, too. It makes no sense to dig up something from so far back in the past. They already apologized for it; whether or not you believe the sincerity they still did. Do you really want to invite all that, and this person, back into your new life and current happiness?

More than likely, this person is not going to tell you anything that will help you, and these wounds are best healed in other ways. Write the letter, but don't send it. Burn it, or bury it, or tear it up and send it on the wind; do something cathartic. But in this case it's probably best to find your own peace, rather than waking a sleeping dog.



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Re: Should I email my ex who I broke up with years ago? - November 16th 2012, 12:16 PM

HEy there, I believe this may open up a can of worms. Nothing e say should influence you in your decision seeing as it is you who has to deal with the consequences. Think it through carefully, weigh up the pros and cons and then proceed with ignoring or writing out an email.

Good luck,

Jay.


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Re: Should I email my ex who I broke up with years ago? - November 16th 2012, 06:10 PM

You don't need to find closure with our ex because you probably ever won't. I learned this from previous ex. 5 years is a long time, but the number of years doesn't disregard the delicacy of your heart and mistreatment he has given you. If he really loved you, would he honestly e-mail? I really believe one who truly loves someone would talk in person. However, i'm not saying because it has been a few years since your last relationship that you shouldn't talk to him, but you need to think about your current boyfriend who has given 3 years of his life with you. If your current bf isn't giving you the love you want, maybe you need to reevaluate yourself and the relationship. Because one, your current boyfriend doesn't deserve you if you're going to do this behind his back. If you don't let your ex go, face the consequences. Good luck!




   
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