She's 12... [updated!]

[monstermanx]

K,

So I like this chick, she's 12 and I'm 15 and I don't know what to do :|

[NuHalo]

....uhm.

Maybe you can explain your situation a little more for us?

[St.Vincent]

Going to second Shaun, but just off of the information that she's 12, eh, I dunno. For me, it would have been too early, but people mature at different times.

The age gap, of course, is more meaningful at 12/15 than it would be at 22/25, so that's something to keep in mind.

[soul]

If she is 12 and you are thinking about initiating a sexual relationship you might want to check out the age of consent in your area first: http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/showthread.php?t=247

Do you really think there is no one closer to your age that could make you happy? I just don't think your relationship could be very balanced or healthy because of the issue of your different maturity levels. 12 is young. My little sister is 12 and if she dated someone who was 15 I would do anything in my power to put a stop to it. Think about your maturity level when you were 12. Do you think you will really be able to build any sort of relationship with her? Think about what her lack of maturity will most likely mean... more fighting, less reasonable behavior, irresponsibility, and maybe even more selfishness ( I know most kids only care about themselves). Do you really want to deal with all of that?

[monstermanx]

I'm not about the sex! I'd HONESTLY rather cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie instead of having sex :P

She's an amazing girl and acts like shes probably 16 or 17!

The situation is I didn't know she was 12, I fell for her, she fell for me and I don't know what to do :P

She makes me the happiest I've been in years She's just so amazing! I think shes the one!

[Algernon]

Originally Posted by monstermanx

I'm not about the sex! I'd HONESTLY rather cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie instead of having sex :P

She's an amazing girl and acts like shes probably 16 or 17!

The situation is I didn't know she was 12, I fell for her, she fell for me and I don't know what to do :P

She makes me the happiest I've been in years She's just so amazing! I think shes the one!

If she's 12, I doubt she's the one. So... You're going to wait until she's eighteen to get married, is that what you're saying?

Sometimes if you love someone enough, you have to set them free.

[Jack]

Until I know more I'm going to say this:

If you are wanting to date someone as young as 12 you will have to put up with all of your friends taunts and mocking and that can seriously put you off any relationship. Also, you'll have to deal with her parents who, I assume, would not be too happy about their 12 year old dating a 15 year old guy. Similarly relationships of that age gap, at our age, often simply do not work due to the massive differences in maturity between 12 and 15, you each will like doing different things, where is the common ground? You will also not be able to have sex with her, well you will be able to, but you really shouldn't as you could go to jail as doing that is a ticket straight to jail (at least in the UK it's a strict liability offence: So you do it and you're immediately convicted of rape) so really you'd be having a relationship for another 4 years without sex and at your age I doubt you could manage it (though I take my hat off to you if you could).

All in all, I think it would be best to leave it 3-4 years or so.

Edit. I wrote all that before you posted again.

Originally Posted by monstermanx

I'm not about the sex! I'd HONESTLY rather cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie instead of having sex :P

She's an amazing girl and acts like shes probably 16 or 17!

The situation is I didn't know she was 12, I fell for her, she fell for me and I don't know what to do :P

She makes me the happiest I've been in years She's just so amazing! I think shes the one!

Every girl who comes along when you're 15 is "the one". Maybe that seems patronising, I'm very sorry if it does, but that's certainly what I thought when I was that age.

Either way, I think a relationship with her would be fraught with difficulty. I'd avoid it and maybe just stay as friends until she's older. After all, if all you want to do is snuggle with her on the couch then you can do that as friends surely?

[monstermanx]

Originally Posted by xHolyValorx

If she's 12, I doubt she's the one. So... You're going to wait until she's eighteen to get married, is that what you're saying?

Sometimes if you love someone enough, you have to set them free.

I'd wait an eternity.

Originally Posted by Jack

Until I know more I'm going to say this:

If you are wanting to date someone as young as 12 you will have to put up with all of your friends taunts and mocking and that can seriously put you off any relationship. Also, you'll have to deal with her parents who, I assume, would not be too happy about their 12 year old dating a 15 year old guy. Similarly relationships of that age gap, at our age, often simply do not work due to the massive differences in maturity between 12 and 15, you each will like doing different things, where is the common ground? You will also not be able to have sex with her, well you will be able to, but you really shouldn't as you could go to jail as doing that is a ticket straight to jail (at least in the UK it's a strict liability offence: So you do it and you're immediately convicted of rape) so really you'd be having a relationship for another 4 years without sex and at your age I doubt you could manage it (though I take my hat off to you if you could).

All in all, I think it would be best to leave it 3-4 years or so.

Edit. I wrote all that before you posted again.



Every girl who comes along when you're 15 is "the one". Maybe that seems patronising, I'm very sorry if it does, but that's certainly what I thought when I was that age.

Either way, I think a relationship with her would be fraught with difficulty. I'd avoid it and maybe just stay as friends until she's older. After all, if all you want to do is snuggle with her on the couch then you can do that as friends surely?

Her parents know about me, just not that we're looking into a possible relationship and they practically love me.

And no, I just meant I'm not about sex. Yes, I actually don't plan on doing it until I'm married... Now masturbation is a different story :P

And it's 14 here in Canada.

[wtp]

Originally Posted by monstermanx

K,

So I like this chick, she's 12 and I'm 15 and I don't know what to do :|

If she turns 13 before you turn 16 then I think it's fine. As long as it's legal.

[monstermanx]

I'm not about the sex man!

[liquidchill]

12 and 15 age gap...is very iffy, I mean, I'm 13. A new one, in fact, since March. And I'm mature for my age, which does change things up slightly. If you like her...you can't stop that. It's possible you might drive yourself insane if you don't take this chance. If I were this girl, and I was friends with you and liked you...I'd try it out, test the waters, I don't think there is anything wrong with that. However, I don't know how long it will last because you guys are still really differnt with the age thing, but I say go for it. Go with your gut. And since you say you're not interested in sex (with a 12 yr old...no way, just have a cool open relationship.) then like I said, test the waters, because at this age...you may explode if you don't get her
Good luck,
Flannery.

[LifeSong]

My advice? Wait.

Now, I'm NOT saying you shouldn't be friends! I think you should! You should hang out and be friends with her, but as far as an actual relationship goes, if you really love her you should wait.

If you care about her, give it time. She's young and so are you! Plenty of time in your future to date and be serious. For now? Just be casual with her. Wait a couple years, till shes 14 or 15 and completely ready for a relationship. It'll be worth the wait, trust me. Because if you think shes worth it and you don't wait, there's a much greater chance your relationship will fail until you're both older, more mature, and know what you want.

So... I think you should tell her that you want to have a relationship with her, you really do, but that you think you should just be friends until shes a bit older. If she loves you... she'll wait for you

[wtp]

Honestly, screw people online. If it's alright with yours and hers parents, and it's legal, then there's no reason not to.

[delilah]

Originally Posted by LifeSong

My advice? Wait.

Now, I'm NOT saying you shouldn't be friends! I think you should! You should hang out and be friends with her, but as far as an actual relationship goes, if you really love her you should wait.

If you care about her, give it time. She's young and so are you! Plenty of time in your future to date and be serious. For now? Just be casual with her. Wait a couple years, till shes 14 or 15 and completely ready for a relationship. It'll be worth the wait, trust me. Because if you think shes worth it and you don't wait, there's a much greater chance your relationship will fail until you're both older, more mature, and know what you want.

So... I think you should tell her that you want to have a relationship with her, you really do, but that you think you should just be friends until shes a bit older. If she loves you... she'll wait for you

this. why rush into somthing that you're unsure enough about to post it. just wait, if you love eachother what you feel isn't going to go anywhere, it'll be there in a few years still. you can still cuddle and watch movies without being in a serious relatoinship.

[Fucking Done]

3 years is usually not a big deal but ... being that she's not even a teen yet, I wouldn't if I was in your situation. But it could be worse like if you were 20 or something like some creeps do.

[monstermanx]

Ugh this is so confusing. I'm scared of losing her though.

[Something Clever]

That, in my opinion is a harmless age difference. Just make sure you don't pressure her into anything. Even kissing. Remember that no matter how mature she may seem, she's still a child and isn't as emotionally developed as girls your age. As long as the both of you are happy and safe, I don't see any harm in dating. Hope that helped ;D

[Algernon]

Originally Posted by monstermanx

I'd wait an eternity.



Her parents know about me, just not that we're looking into a possible relationship and they practically love me.

And no, I just meant I'm not about sex. Yes, I actually don't plan on doing it until I'm married... Now masturbation is a different story :P

And it's 14 here in Canada.

Then believe me when I say when I was 13, same thing happened to me. But the guys were older. I thought I would wait and blah blah blah. And now what? Where are they?

Still, it's two years. A 12 year old is going to wait two years? If she goes, send me a message, because I'd like to know how.

If you'll wait an eternity, looks like you're going to have to. I don't mean to shoot your dreams down, but look at the reality of things.

[monstermanx]

I would never pressure anyone into anything I just don't know how all of this is going to play out!

[Something Clever]

Originally Posted by monstermanx

I would never pressure anyone into anything I just don't know how all of this is going to play out!

don't overthink it then c:
Focus on how happy you will be together.
It sounds like you feel guilty for wanting to date her, but you shouldn't. YOur ages aren't too far apart and as long as you dont pressure her like you said you wouldn't, everything should be a-okay ;D

[losing touch.]

if any of my mates started dating a 12 year old i'm not gunna lie, they would have the piss taken out of them harshly, so be prepared for that one.

do i think you should date her? no, the age gap at that age is really quite a big deal, no matter what anyone says.

my best friends little sister is twelve, and the thought of her dating someone my age is frankly scary.

[monstermanx]

I don't care what people say or think. My friends would understand, if not I can handle myself.

[Algernon]

Originally Posted by monstermanx

I don't care what people say or think. My friends would understand, if not I can handle myself.

True, your friends should accept you. But when you bring around a 12 year old, I don't think you should expect them to welcome her with open arms. I think you can understand that, right?

If you don't care what people say or think, then why did you post this? What is the intention behind the thread?

[monstermanx]

I just wanted to know if it was 'right', I guess.

I mean people can talk or think what they want, if someone wants to give me shit about it I'll give them shit too.

I love this girl,
That's what it is.

[thisbkatie]

You know what. Your 15 she's 12 if you have something incommon go with it. I mean really it's not like your into having sex with her. Just go have fun that's what datings all about at you age. IF you two both wanna date just have fun, go to the movies, go bowling, hang out. Just have fun!

I vote you date her.

[Jack]

Just because her parents "love" you now doesn't mean that wont rapidly change when you start dating their daughter. I know if I had a 12 year old kid the last thing I would want is her dating a 15 year old, I wouldn't mind a 15 year old befriending her but anything else: Oh no. His parents probably like you as her friend, but I'm willing to bet they wouldn't as her boyfriend.

As for whether it's "right", well that's purely subjective. I personally would say it's not right as I can't see a way in which it would work as a long term realtionship if you rushed into it now rather than waiting and it seems rather wrong to me for any girl that young to be dating someone that much older. But what is wrong for some is right for others, you can only use our advice to guide you but in the end it is you who knows the most about the situation and you who will have to decide on the best course of action. So good luck.

It's all very well to say if you love her go for it. But I would say this is more infatuation than love. Plus it's never as simple as "just go out with her" when these age differences are involved.

[Something Clever]

Originally Posted by monstermanx

I just wanted to know if it was 'right', I guess.

I mean people can talk or think what they want, if someone wants to give me shit about it I'll give them shit too.

I love this girl,
That's what it is.

Right and wrong are not a matter of fact and fiction, they're a matter of opinion. If you feel good about this, stop stressing and go for it.
And if you really do love her, then nothing should stop you.
I'd say go call her right now ;D

[Algernon]

Originally Posted by monstermanx

I just wanted to know if it was 'right', I guess.

I mean people can talk or think what they want, if someone wants to give me shit about it I'll give them shit too.

I love this girl,
That's what it is.

Then love is probably going to be the only thing to get you through.

[monstermanx]

I don't want anything sexual or physical besides a hug and maybe a kiss Not that shes not attractive, she is, shes 12 though and yeah it'd be at-least 2 solid years before I wanted anything sexual. And we have a lot in common!

We are talking right now and have been since like 10 hours ago Wouldn't spend my time any other way :P

[delilah]

well since you sound like you are going to go for it either way the thread is kinda pointless, so good luck to you and i hope it does work out

[asphyxiated]

It sounds like you really like her, but I would wait until she was at least in her teens before you start dating her. :P

[Double X]

Well, I guess if you take it very cautiously it might be okay. But many relationships end up at sex, no matter your original intentions.

I have a cousin who is 12 and she is still...so young. She watches cartoons and has barbies and crap like that. I know they are different people, but it just seems too young.

[dea]

Originally Posted by monstermanx

Ugh this is so confusing. I'm scared of losing her though.

If you guys are both convinced that you're each other's "the one", then what's the harm in waiting until the age difference isn't at the awkward stage? You know?

Although I sort of highly doubt that you guys are each other's "the one". But yeah, keep everything everyone here is saying in mind. It all makes sense.

[Stormofthelightsbane1]

what are you about?

Originally Posted by monstermanx

I'm not about the sex man!

[nico.]

I think that if you believe that you both are able to handle all the obstacles you're going to have maturely and you both think you're serious and would be happy together then you should go on and date. At BOTH of your ages, relationships are never set in stone- you've got to know that. But, you should never let age get in the way if you both can be mature about your relationship. It's an experience- you should let yourself enjoy it, BUT (and I swear I can't stress this enough) you have to be mature about it and you've got to know that-if there must be-there will be secrets involved in certain cases.

[Gaia]

Do I think it's a little weird that a 15 year old wants to date a 12 year old, yes. But I was 16 when I went out with a 20 year old, and people thought I was crazy. So I'm not about to judge you.
Really, people on here are going to tell you what they think, and they're not part of the relationship, are they? You should be listening to your head, your heart, and be talking to this girl.
Yes, you're only 15, and as people have said, everyone is 'the one' at this point in time. But I know a fair amount of married couples who dated since they were 16, and never broke up till this day, so there's a little piece of sunshine for ya.
It's not impossible that you and this girl could last a long time, but it is improbable, which can be overcome of course.
I say go for it, ask her out, you obviously want to, and if you're prepared for anything that could happen, that you know you could get your heart broken, then do it, you've more to loose by not doing it.
Good luck,
Lou.

[monstermanx]

I'm about the relationship for company, spending those good and bad moments with someone else, the days that you get up at 6 and walk 10 miles just to see this girl because no matter what when you wake up shes one person that doesnt up and leave, shes always there for you and its someone that you just click with and could spend every second of your life with.

And alright. I'm gonna ask her when we hang !

[Rican Roll]

Originally Posted by Jack

Every girl who comes along when you're 15 is "the one". Maybe that seems patronizing, I'm very sorry if it does, but that's certainly what I thought when I was that age.

I just wanted to quote this for the TC's benefit, because it is absolutely true.

You're 15, you're not in love, you're infatuated. She's 12, she doesn't love you, she's infatuated. If you really want to enter a relationship with her, go for it, but please keep what Jack and I have said in mind. If you enter a relationship with your current mindset, you're going to be hopelessly crushed when it all comes inevitably crashing down around you.

[Algernon]

Originally Posted by Rican Roll

I just wanted to quote this for the TC's benefit, because it is absolutely true.

You're 15, you're not in love, you're infatuated. She's 12, she doesn't love you, she's infatuated. If you really want to enter a relationship with her, go for it, but please keep what Jack and I have said in mind. If you enter a relationship with your current mindset, you're going to be hopelessly crushed when it all comes inevitably crashing down around you.

I agree with the last part, very much so.

[rescueisnotamyth]

Originally Posted by Rican Roll

I just wanted to quote this for the TC's benefit, because it is absolutely true.

You're 15, you're not in love, you're infatuated. She's 12, she doesn't love you, she's infatuated. If you really want to enter a relationship with her, go for it, but please keep what Jack and I have said in mind. If you enter a relationship with your current mindset, you're going to be hopelessly crushed when it all comes inevitably crashing down around you.

I really have to agree with this. Infatuation is a lot different than love.
If you do go ahead and date this girl... all the power to you... but don't totally expect things to be awesome... because they probably won't be.