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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
wasiteva Offline
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Just had a miscarriage and now I'm all alone - August 6th 2013, 04:05 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

My ex and I have been on and off for a while. We broke up a couple weeks ago and I found out I was pregnant in that time. I wasn't sure whether to tell him or not, but he messaged me one weekend and said how much he loved me and wanted me in his life so I told him then because I felt he needed to know if we were going to give it another shot. He was really supportive of me. He said he didn't want to lose me every again and that he would do whatever it took to keep me around. He had never treated me all that well, but he did this time. Surprised me with chocolates, took me out for dinner/movies. We discussed our options with the baby and ultimately decided an abortion was the best decision. I was really unsure, but he promised he would miss work and come with me to make sure I was okay. But, I went home this weekend and had a miscarriage. I messaged him and told him the news and he said he was there for me and that he was kind of upset because he had considered keeping it because he knew he wanted to marry me and make a family with me. I was real heartbroken, and I told him how down I felt and he said he would text me after his nap (this was at 11am on Friday) because he was going out to the bar with his cousins. Well, he never did text me, and didn't text me at all Saturday either. I was really upset because I felt like he left me, this was the time I needed him most and he wasn't responding to my texts or bothering to send me a simple "are you ok". When he finally responded he said he was busy and wasn't sure why I was so mad and that it had only been one day, then he didn't say anything all night and the entire next day. I've been dealing with a lot and have attempted suicide, done a lot of drugs and stuff to cope and I needed him a lot. It really hurts to be so alone and not even have him here to help me after everything he said. I texted him last night and told him how I didn't want him in my life anymore because he made me feel really alone and I was mad he left me so quickly after the miscarriage. I said I wanted to die and that I've considered suicide, and that was why I was so mad he hasn't been here. He never responded.

My question is, am I in the wrong here because it was only a day and a half that I waited? What should my next move be?
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
wasiteva Offline
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Re: Just had a miscarriage and now I'm all alone - August 6th 2013, 04:14 PM

I should also mention that this isn't our first miscarriage, which is a big reason why I am so hopeless at the moment. I wasn't sure I wanted an abortion, but I knew I couldn't provide for the baby. I just really hate myself for everything and I thought he would be here. None of my friends know either, so I have nobody.
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
dr2005 Offline
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Re: Just had a miscarriage and now I'm all alone - August 6th 2013, 10:08 PM

First of all, I'm very sorry to hear about your loss - one miscarriage in itself can be very hard to take, but to have another must be even harder still, so you have my sympathies over this without question. Similarly, I can imagine it must be very hard dealing with that as well as what's happened with your ex - again, can't be an easy thing to deal with in itself, much less in these circumstances. So again, you have my sympathies.

In terms of the questions you asked, I can see how you'd want to have some kind of response from him, particularly as it's something he'd been supporting you with. So in that regard I can understand why you'd be upset that he didn't say anything. Whether getting upset after a day and a half is a difficult one to answer as it depends on how often you guys text each other normally and so on, but in light of him saying that he would text you after his nap and then failing to do so I would say you were within your rights to feel aggrieved about that. He may well have had his reasons for not doing so - his own emotions, things coming up and so on - but it's still a case of him not sticking to his word. So based on that, I wouldn't say you were in the wrong on this occasion.

As for where you go from here, the best advice I can give is you need to think things over and decide for yourself what you think is best. You and your ex clearly care about each other a lot judging from what you've said, but it sounds as though your relationship at present is not on a very healthy footing. You mention that it was unexpected when he treated you well and was supportive - that to me sounded something of a claxon as it shouldn't really be that unexpected. It should be the norm, really. I'm not sure what the reasons behind it all are, but it sounds as though you and your ex really need to work out where you stand - and more importantly, whether you're standing in the same or a similar place on things. Right now it sounds like your expectations from the relationship and his are not particularly close to each other, and you need to sort this out once and for all. It may work out okay, or it may mean that you end up cutting things off completely, but at least you'll know and can move forward.

Hope some of that helps and take care.

"The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." - Nelson Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom

However bleak things seem, however insurmountable the darkness appears, remember that you have worth and nothing can take that away.

Originally Posted by OMFG!You'reActuallySmart! View Post
If you're referring to dr2005's response, it's not complex, however, he has a way with words .
RIP Nick
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