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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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Angry Hardest Breakup to date - December 1st 2013, 03:46 AM

i am 21, currently writing this about 12hours since the split..we had been together just over 2 years and we split bout a month ago then decided it was a mistake but for the past 3 weeks of us being back together i found out today that she is seeing someone else as well as me, i got so angry ive broke 3 pot plates and bust my little finger knuckle, i know i am young for the whole i wana settle down but thats why i go to work not for drinking partys ect..just to settle down with the girl i love im still very angry and just want revenge more then anything
   
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Re: Hardest Breakup to date - December 1st 2013, 03:59 AM

Hello, and welcome to TeenHelp!

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this difficult break-up. First, I want to direct you to this list of alternatives to self harm. The list offers healthier alternatives for dealing with anger (ones that will still give you the satisfaction of destroying something, without resulting in broken bones).

I know this break-up is still very fresh in your mind, so what I'm about to say may fall on deaf ears (no hard feelings if it does!). It wasn't meant to be. If this woman was meant to be "the one," then she wouldn't have done what she did. In a way, it's good that you realize this now, because you can begin your search for "the one" once you have come to terms with the break-up and learned from this experience!

Revenge isn't the answer. While the idea of getting back at her (or the other person she was seeing) may be tempting, it'll just bring you down to her level. Don't throw away your dignity over an ex-girlfriend. It's not worth it. Find healthy ways to distract yourself. Spend time with good friends, family members, etc. Watch movies, play video games, read books, exercise... whatever helps you take your mind off of the anger/sadness for a little while. This pain will gradually ease, and it'll be easier to fully process what happened. You'll be able to see where things went wrong (on your end and on her's) and ensure the same mistakes aren't made in future relationships. Be kind to yourself and to those who want to support you during this emotional time.

I wish you all the best of luck! Feel free to keep us updated on your situation. We're here to support you! =)





   
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Re: Hardest Breakup to date - December 1st 2013, 04:03 AM

i know thank you psy, i guess i lashed out at objects because i was so angry i was shacking..but its so hard to talk yourself out of something when all you do is wana hurt them as much as they hurt you...main reason is im working nights too so i cant get it off my mind and go to sleep or have a cigerette because i work in a hospital
   
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Re: Hardest Breakup to date - December 1st 2013, 04:19 AM

I can understand that! My fiancé also works the night shift at a hospital. If things are slow, can you ask your supervisor for additional tasks to complete during your shift? That might help the night go a bit faster. If not, there are other ways to distract yourself. We have a live chat room on TeenHelp, and you're welcome to talk to whoever is there! =) It may also help to write down your thoughts and feelings on paper. As the night goes on, different thoughts may come to mind, or different feelings may be experienced. Some people like to rip up the pieces of paper afterward (healthy way of coping with anger), and other people save the pieces of paper so they have something to look at later on (to see how far they've come after "moving on").





   
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December 1st 2013, 04:22 AM

Thanks PSY, this hospital is for Mentle Health called Rampton hospital you dont do anything on nights besides check them every 30minutes it when im at home mother is at work and i just have a empty room and my thoughts i go from anger to sadness to just wanting too dissapear ive never self harmed i just wish i could dissappear from the world for abit..or drink my sorrows away

the way she ended it too i found out from the person she cheated with then i got my number facebook everything blocked by her...so i sit here blaming myself for everything that happend

Last edited by PSY; December 1st 2013 at 04:36 AM. Reason: Merged consecutive posts.
   
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Re: Hardest Breakup to date - December 1st 2013, 04:44 AM

She didn't communicate with you. That is completely and utterly her fault. So is the cheating. No matter how unhappy she might have been with you or the relationship, that didn't give her the right to betray your trust. You could spend an eternity going over the "what ifs" in your head, but personally, I don't find that to be very helpful. It just messes with your emotions even more, and makes it harder to gain closure.

I've seen a lot of people resort to alcohol and other drugs in order to dull their pain. I've been guilty of having one too many drinks from time to time. It never works. Once you sober up, the pain hits you just as hard, if not harder. I want to encourage you to give some of those alternatives a shot, especially the ones listed for feelings of anger. If you have friends who aren't working, see if you can spend some time with them, either on the phone/online or in person. Try to get a decent amount of sleep, too! I know that can be difficult when you have to sleep through the day, even under the best of circumstances. It might help to play some soothing music, or to turn on the TV and lie down with your eyes closed. Sleep deprivation will only intensify the feelings you're having and impair your ability to think clearly.





   
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Re: Hardest Breakup to date - December 1st 2013, 04:47 AM

thanks Psy ill try the links you've been such a help..i cant talk to family about things like this im the only male in the family im seen as too keep everyone together but it just pulls you down in end
   
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