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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Can you guys give me your opinion? Relationship problem - November 5th 2014, 04:43 AM

so the other day my girlfriend and I had our first kiss and we both said it was our first ever but then Saturday morning she admitted she lied and kissed a guy that doesn't go to our school around the end of the last school year because she lost a bet and it was like a minute hookup. I got over it kinda and we hung out yesterday and made out but whenever I think of it I get mad/upset that she would hookup with someone just by losing a bet. I don't know if I'm jealous that she'd do that with someone else or if I'm mad that she lied or that I feel worthless that she'd hookup with a guy for a minute that she barely knew. I know the past is the past but I just get so mad/upset whenever I think about it and i don't know how to get over it
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Can you guys give me your opinion? Relationship problem - November 5th 2014, 05:05 AM

I think it's perfectly reasonable to be upset in this situation. You were under the impression that you and your girlfriend had shared a special "first" together and then came to find out not only were you lied to, but that her "first" had been because she lost a bet. The past is the past, though, and there's nothing you can do about what happened. You have two choices: find a way to deal with your anger at the situation and work past it or let it eat at you until it destroys your relationship.

You can't control what your girlfriend did with someone else. What you can control is your response to this news and how you act in your present relationship. I would start with what is perhaps the easiest thing to tackle in this situation: your girlfriend lied to you. Talk to her about it. Let her know it hurt your feelings that she lied to you. You had come to have a certain expectation of your relationship and came to find out it wasn't true, and that was hurtful. Ask that, in the future, she be open and honest with you.

The rest of the situation is on you. What can YOU internally do to get past this information? What can you do to make yourself feel better about it? By changing the way you look at the situation you can perhaps change your emotions pertaining to it.


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Re: Can you guys give me your opinion? Relationship problem - November 5th 2014, 05:24 AM

Like Jordan said, you can't control what she did with someone else. This happened before you two got together. If it's really bothering you, I recommend you talk to her about the lying.
My thinking is that you're mostly feeling jealousy thinking about her kissing another guy. Just remember this happened awhile ago and she is with you now. You don't need to feel self-conscious that she kissed this boy just because she lost a bet. The kiss likely meant nothing to her.
It probably made your first kiss her with her seem less special because you originally thought it was both of your first kisses, but remember that isn't what makes them special. It was your first kiss witheachother and therefore it was special.
If you talk to her about this she can provide some reassurance which I think will help you feel better about it. Time will also make it bother you less and less.


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Re: Can you guys give me your opinion? Relationship problem - November 5th 2014, 06:27 PM

Completely understandable. How important is she to you, anyway? You dont have to answer that, but think is through. It has not been long into the relationship and you already found out that a) she is a liar (and you know what they say about liars) and b) she hooks up or at least used to hook up with people on a whim.
Whether I would give her another chance would depend on how much I was feeling for her at that moment. But being a neutral party here with no emotional connection to this, my gut feeling tells me to dump her immediately - she is not only bad for a relationship but bad for you. And she already does two of the things that are on top of my hate-list. Most of the time liars keep lying and will just hide it better in the future. Once I got distance between such people and myself my quality of life increased. But that is just me. What feels right to you?

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Re: Can you guys give me your opinion? Relationship problem - November 6th 2014, 07:02 PM

What is sad in this situation is that she ruined a special moment because she lied.

First of all, it's not like I think you have to have "firsts" with a person or else it's not special - I was NOT a virgin but it was still very special the first time I had sex with my boyfriend

Second of all, it's not like I think it is a bad thing to hook up with people. I've had book ups, I've had friends who have hook ups etc. Do I think you should be proud of being so trivial about sex? Maybe not. Personal opinion: I think you need to have a deeper emotional connection for it to be the "best" but that my opinion


So back on track, what is wrong here is that you thought you had a special moment, but she ruined it by telling you that she lied. And not only that, she kissed someone for the first time for a stupid reason. Ok, you know I have kissed people for stupid reasons too (lots of us have), but she ruined it.

It's not even the other guys fault, like I said, lots of us have kissed other people and it's not a big deal in current relationships.... But you thought it was the first. She lied.

The result for me here is that it was her fault, she made the fact that she has kissed another person into a bigger deal by lying, if she had been honest it probably would not have mattered. You wouldn't be upset by the fact that she did this and all that jazz.

Much like PureStorm, I have no tolerance for liars. I think someone who is willing to lie so easily, so early on, and about something in your relationship, means that they will probably lie again.

So for me the problem is her and her lie and how she made it into a bigger deal by lying. NOT the fact that she has kissed someone.

I think if you can't trust her again, then end the relationship.




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Re: Can you guys give me your opinion? Relationship problem - November 9th 2014, 05:07 AM

If she lied to cover it up, she's clearly not proud of it. Try and forgive her, she clearly isn't happy that it happened, probably regrets her first kiss wasn't romantic at all, just a lost bet.


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Re: Can you guys give me your opinion? Relationship problem - November 10th 2014, 04:59 AM

Well im not sure if you mean by hooking up with this other guy they just kissed or made out or whatver or actually HOOKED UP like had sex.. which wouldnt really make sence for a minute but anyway
I think that lying to you about never kissing anyone was wrong but she might have been doing it because she was embarrassed about what she'd done in the past, or she wanted to seem more appealing to you. Maybe she wanted you to think she'd never kissed anyone so you would feel special when you two first kissed.
I think that you should just try not to think about it, because although she lied, it was in the past and she might have been pressured to do it. And it isn't like shes been slutting around with a bunch of other guys, its only one other guy. Me personally I've done things im not proud of in the past and if I tell a guy about them and then they get mad at me im like what the hell? The past is the past and yelling at me about it is not going to erase time or help anything. So I think you need to try to stop thinking about it.
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