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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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IneedAdvicee Offline
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Exclamation Male Advice Preferred. Is my bf gay? - January 27th 2015, 04:44 AM

This guy has tried to date me for 4years. After I dated his cousin and treated him horribly we eventually got together. Things we're fine until I found out he was cheating on me with his ex. He had this one close friend that stayed at his house. They did everything together. There was an argument over him and eventually he has hopefully went away. He always tried to break us up because he didn't have as much attention as before we was together. Things we're going fine until lately. I had question if he was gay twice before, but always brushed it off. This time his dad and his dad's girlfriend think the same. I hear that he used to cuddle with his friends and I've noticed him being sort of touchy with some. I didn't know if it meant anything. When I first asked if he was he got mad. This time I asked and he kept saying yes. I figured it was because he knew that was what I thought and wanted me to be quite. I kept asking until he said no. He's been hanging out with this guy a lot lately. He's staying at his house a couple times and goes over there atleast 3 times a week. He always asks for anal sex as well and didn't seem interested in me the other night. When I ask to talk about it he says he doesn't want to an says it's stupid. I would think that if it was no big deal then he would have no problem talking about it. I love him and I know he cares about me but I need an answer.
   
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Re: Male Advice Preferred. Is my bf gay? - January 27th 2015, 10:03 AM

I know that you'd prefer male advice, but surprisingly, I went through the same thing you're going through. My boyfriend lost interest in me, and at first I thought it was because he just didn't love me anymore, but then I began to realise that it was something more intense.
People discover their sexuality at all different ages, and your boyfriend is probably quite confused/upset/unsure at the moment. I know it's hard, but just let him know you care, and that you're there for him for support. That's the best thing you can do. Don't pester him too much, and hopefully he'll open up.
All the best x


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Unhappy Re: Male Advice Preferred. Is my bf gay? - January 27th 2015, 11:13 AM

Thanks you. I guess I should put in there that I think he may be bisexual. He did lose interest in me, but he still likes girls. I'm pushing toward the bisexual thought, but what will everyone think if I do break up with him for that? Is he bisexual?
   
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Re: Male Advice Preferred. Is my bf gay? - January 27th 2015, 01:00 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by IneedAdvicee View Post
Thanks you. I guess I should put in there that I think he may be bisexual. He did lose interest in me, but he still likes girls. I'm pushing toward the bisexual thought, but what will everyone think if I do break up with him for that? Is he bisexual?
We can't tell you if he's bisexual or not. Only HE has the answer to that question. As mentioned above, everyone discovers their sexuality at different stages in their lives. I have a friend who knew he was gay in high school, but my boyfriend's aunt didn't discover she liked woman until after she was married (and divorce) and had two sons. There is no right or wrong time to discover their sexuality.

Ultimately, he needs to come to the decision by himself. You can't force him to admit he's gay or bisexual. He either has to come to terms with it himself, or continue denying it (if he is, in fact, gay or bisexual). He may have lost interest in you because you constantly ask him whether or not he's gay. In my opinion, that could drive any one away, especially someone who isn't ready to admit it. If you're wondering if he's interested in you, without bringing up the fact that he might be hiding his sexuality, talk to him. About YOUR relationship with him, not his relationship with others.

As for what everyone thinks if you break things off, that's none of their business. It's not your place to tell everyone, "Yeah, I dumped him because he's gay!" OR "Yeah, I dumped him because he's bisexual!" Coming out (if that is indeed what he's trying to do) should be a decision that he makes on his own. Spreading his secret before he's ready for it to be public would cause way too many issues, and I'm sure you both want to avoid that. If you break things off, simply say, "Things just weren't working out, and I thought we'd be better off as friends." You're dating him, and only him. Sharing his secret wouldn't be fair to him.

Hope this helped.
   
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Unhappy Re: Male Advice Preferred. Is my bf gay? - January 28th 2015, 04:19 PM

Should I follow what I feel or what I know and find out for certain? I don't want to look back and have regret because I didn't know it want true, but don't want to question it either. I'm torn...
   
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Re: Male Advice Preferred. Is my bf gay? - January 28th 2015, 10:15 PM

I'd say he's bi. Guys, for the most part, aren't touchy feely with other guys for the simple reason that they'll be called gay if they do. And then he got mad when you asked if he was gay... if he was comfortable with his sexuality he would probably just say "no, why do you ask?"


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