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JamieRoo Offline
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Long, complicated love story about two stupid kids who don't know how to make up their minds about each other - January 27th 2016, 07:04 AM

There's this guy I met in my freshman year who asked me our the day after he introduced himself. I said no, but after like 6 months of being best friends, we kinda became a thing. Then there were some hiccups and we stopped seeing each other. Sophomore year, we got back together and became official. But, our religious views were becoming increasingly more challenging to our relationship and we fought a lot. The good stuff outweighed the bad and we always worked it out, but I was clingy and controlling. The beginning of my junior year, after he graduated, he dumped me leaving me with the words "he loved me more than he ever thought he could" and "he hoped we would get back together someday" and had no contact with me for 4 months, during which I was constantly on the verge of suicide because I had literally no friends and he started seeing another girl. Finally, they stopped talking, and I got his attention back through my devious female ways. But he didn't want anything more than a friendship. I knew he was still in love with me, but he had turned so emotionless that I could hardly talk to him without feeling upset. Over about 5 months, we developed that relationship again, but he wouldn't tell me he loved me, and he wouldn't call me his girlfriend, and he wouldn't even touch me in front of his pastors at church because they totally have complete control over his life. Now, we spend as much time together as possible, and we flirt and play and tease each other like we used to. But he won't commit to anything and he won't admit anything, though he drops subtle hints. I want a future with him more than anything but I'm a senior now and I've been excepted into an out of state college where I'll never get to see him. What should I do?
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LifeTheRonWay Offline
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Re: Long, complicated love story about two stupid kids who don't know how to make up their minds about each other - January 27th 2016, 02:37 PM

Hey there, and welcome to TH.
I can imagine how difficult that situation is for you. It sounds like the two of you have definitely had your ups and downs.
So what was happening when the two of you broke up your junior year? Was it because of the only girl he broke up with you, or just because he had graduated like you'll be doing?
To what extent were your ways devious?
I don't think you shouldn't have to try and make someone stay in your life. If they don't want to be there hold the door open for them on the way out and if they are welcome again - make sure they know that.

It seems like you guys have definitely had your problems - just like any two people in a relationship do sometimes have.
I can understand how religion could cause some problems, it can do that among people sometimes. I think it's important though that everyone has their own beliefs, and that we are open to others beliefs, and that we are confident in our own yet not forcing it onto others.
Sometimes opposites attract. It's difficult but that's just the way it is sometimes. As you said you have to decide when the good times are no longer outweighing the bad.

It sounds like the two of you need to have a conversation now that you're a little bit older and have been doing this for awhile. Find out what is going on, and what you both want and expect to happen.
If he doesn't want any type of relationship then it'll make going to college easier in the long run.

- Ron

Revenge is a poison meant for others that we end up swallowing ourselves.
Vengeance is a dark light that blinds all who seek it.
The untroubled soul knows there is no justice in revenge.
The untroubled soul knows that to seek vengeance, is to seek destruction.
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