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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
kel216 Offline
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Unhappy New here.. in desperate need of help w/breakup - April 1st 2016, 08:28 AM

So earlier today, I had an extremely emotional and heart wrenching breakup with my on again off again boyfriend of 7 months. I loved him dearly, he had just made a lot of mistakes and hurt me so much over the course of our relationship, that I couldn't forgive him anymore. I knew leaving was what I wanted yet I knew it would be hard. I just didn't know how hard. I feel so empty, sad, lonely and I miss him so much. I know most people would then tell me to just go back to him but I know I can't do that because he cheated, lied and had a lot of personal issues that prevented him from being someone who was healthy and right/good for me. I can't go back. That isn't an option. This breakup is the final one. But I hate that I feel this way. I don't want to feel this way. Every bone in my body feels so alone and he cried and I cried and its so hard cutting him off completely. I am devastated. I don't want to feel this way. I just really need support and affirmation that I made a good decision because I don't have a lot of friends who take me seriously in this situation. I am trying so hard but I loved him so much and I can't stop thinking about him and the last thing he said to me. Help. What do I do to try to heal and move on. I miss him so much it hurts.
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Re: New here.. in desperate need of help w/breakup - April 1st 2016, 09:49 AM

Hello again!

I'm so sorry you're going through this right now, we're always here for you, let me know if you need anything, even if it's just to chat! Rest assured that you did do the right thing. From what I understand, he hurt you a lot and you did your best to forgive him but it didn't work out. That's okay, sometimes it just doesn't work out. You did right by breaking up with him. I know it hurts so much right now but remember that you're strong enough and happy days will come. This pain and loneliness isn't permanent. It'll go away soon. I promise.

It is natural to want to back after a break up. What you're feeling is natural. Everytime you feel that way, remind yourself why you broke up in the first place. He lied and cheated on you and hurt you. You don't deserve that! You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be loved. Remember all the reasons you had for breaking up with him.

I know you don't want to feel this way, you must be feeling miserable right now. But remember that it is natural to feel this way after a break up. And it will pass. It will all go away and you'll be back to feeling normal again. You may not feel that it will ever pass but it will. I promise.

About healing and moving on... It will hurt in the beginning. Especially if this is your first break up. It will hurt and you will repeatedly feel like going back. But it will pass. Allow yourself to grieve. Allow yourself to vent as much as you want to. Don't keep it bottled inside. Let it all out. Distract yourself from him. Avoid doing anything that reminds you of him. Slowly try to start doing things you love doing. Once you feel up for it, go for a vacation or a picnic. Hang out with your best friends.

In the end, it all comes down to this. Do what you feel like doing. Remember that it's fine. It's okay to feel hurt. It's okay to cry. It's okay to want to vent. It's okay to scream and let it all out.

I hope this helped! I'm always here for you, send me a message if you need anything! Don't hesitate if you just want someone to talk to or vent. Anything for you.

Stay strong!
See you around!
Love. - xx
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
dr2005 Offline
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Re: New here.. in desperate need of help w/breakup - April 2nd 2016, 06:41 PM

This seems to be the key bit for me:

Originally Posted by kel216 View Post
I know I can't do that because he cheated, lied and had a lot of personal issues that prevented him from being someone who was healthy and right/good for me. I can't go back. That isn't an option. This breakup is the final one.
If you're looking for reassurance that breaking up was the right call, the bits in bold are as good a starting point as any.

What you're describing in terms of how you feel after the breakup is perfectly normal - a breakup is a loss, and much like when someone you care about dies the reaction you have to it is one of grief. In this case, you're grieving the loss of the relationship and connection you had with that person. That will heal, in time, because like grieving a person's death you learn to live with the absence and carry on. But it's not something which can be rushed - it happens in its own time, on its own terms. In the meantime, all you can do is focus on your health and wellbeing and try to keep going. Spend time with friends, throw yourself into your hobbies and interests, whatever it might be - and don't be afraid to vent about how you feel. It's all par for the course. Soon enough, you'll be in a better place. Just give it time.

"The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." - Nelson Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom

However bleak things seem, however insurmountable the darkness appears, remember that you have worth and nothing can take that away.

Originally Posted by OMFG!You'reActuallySmart! View Post
If you're referring to dr2005's response, it's not complex, however, he has a way with words .
RIP Nick
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Harry24 Offline
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Re: New here.. in desperate need of help w/breakup - April 13th 2016, 09:35 AM

I would tell you to get over him.
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Lelola Offline
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Re: New here.. in desperate need of help w/breakup - April 21st 2016, 06:22 AM

Keep yourself busy with hobbies and friends. Try to do new interesting projects. Don't hop into a relationship right away even if he does. Work on bettering yourself.
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