Tears of love?

[Jess~]

Not to sound cliche, but have you ever loved someone so much that it makes you cry?
I feel like that's been happening to me lately. I have such a deep, undying love for someone and they've recently confessed that they feel the same.
Late at night yesterday I had one of the deepest conversations I've ever had. They live all the way on the other side of the country, about 2000 miles away. They were pretty much begging me to pack my bags and move over to them right after high school.
It was a huge bomb to drop on me at midnight, yes. But as we were talking about it, both financially how we would make it work and emotionally how we really felt about each other, I found nervous excitement piling up inside me. And for some reason, I had this strange feeling that I needed to cry.
It was like I was teetering between crying and not crying, because tears would well up in my eyes, but I didn't feel sad. But I did feel like crying, but it wasn't necessarily tears of joy either. Because honestly, this whole conversation didn't bring me endless joy. It brought anxiety and the fear of change and leaving everything and everyone I've ever known. It wasn't a comfortable conversation, although it was a positive one.
But I found myself thinking over and over again, "I love them so much it's making me cry." And I feel like that's the most accurate way to describe how I was feeling. It was just, I love them.
I love them so much and so deeply as a person. I have to cry because of how much love I feel for this one person.

I don't know if it's because of the underlying fear I have of falling in love, due to getting burned, no, scorched so many times before. Or if it's because of the vulnerability it puts me under, to have such an unstoppable, undying, deep love for someone that if I were to lose them I would lose everything.
This feeling consumes me so much that I can't even imagine loving another person in this way. There is no room for anyone else. I will never need anyone else. I don't want anyone else.

I don't know if this is what the full extent of love really is. All I know is that, in the past, I thought I've had strong feelings for people before. Not even 10x those feelings could amount to what I feel for this person. It consumes me and it's painful, but not in a bad way?? I don't understand why it hurts so much to feel this way, but it does. It's kind of something in the middle of emotional pain and physical pain... dare I say it's soul pain?


I want to add that this isn't all just some sort of phase I'm feeling on a whim. Trust me, I've gone through the dreaded cycle of having feelings for someone far too quickly only to have a broken heart days later. I have definitely learned not to rush into any feelings, and even try to avoid them at this point. I'm honestly surprised I'm feeling so strongly for this person now, because I would always do anything I could to avoid being vulnerable like that.
I have felt this way about this person for almost a full year now and it hasn't gotten any weaker or less intense. I've only repressed it, because I always knew the realistic answer to this situation... loving someone 2000 miles away from me... was completely hopeless. Any sensible person would tell me this is hopeless, and that hell would probably freeze over before it could work.
But they want to make it work, and just as much as I do. The other night, they weren't just talking about us dating. They were talking in terms of calling me "the one", and saying that it all made sense once they started thinking of us like that.
I am extremely hesitant about full out moving to them and the future of all this, but it's almost nice to not know exactly how everything is going to happen. Terrifying, but also nice to have a change. I'm so used to the same, daily routine. Above all, this has given me hope and excitement for the future.

Any thoughts on why I'm crying because of these feelings? It seems like it should be a positive thing. Also, any advice on the whole moving situation? Should I actually consider going or what? I've already established that we need to at least meet before doing anything huge like a permanent move.
Also I know this is thinking far into the future but I'm so terrified of messing things up once we finally meet. Any suggestions on how I can calm my nerves and actually be myself?

[Thegoodguy]

Hi Jess I'll be honest I don't know much about the whole giving advice thing but I'm willing​ to try
Ok first I wanted​ to say I'm happy for you for finding someone that loves and cares about you and you caring and loving for them.The pain and the tears shows that you really do love them.We as human beings yearn for love and compassion by a significant other it's only natural that you feel this pain cause your love for them burns bright like a flame your heart aches to be around them and with them. Just every now and then breath and calm down.As for the moving situation you should really take time to think about taking such a big step especially after highschool think about weather if you and this other person can really make it work and if you will truly be happy and if this is really what you want.I recommend talking to your friend and family about the decision but when it all comes down to it and you've already heard what everyone has had to say the decision is your's to choose you're 18 and no one can change what you want to do. Finally when you do meet this person you should be 100% yourself cause you don't want a relationship build on a lie and if they for some reason lose interest in who you really are then it's their loss for loosing such a fantastic person.All in All the best you is the real you.I hope this helps you in anyway possible and if you want to update me on what happens.I wish you good luck

[Sparties]

I know the feeling of loving so much that you cry thinking about it. Sometimes, I physically ache knowing that someone reciprocates such feelings, so it's totally a-okay to do so and feel this way. It is an exhilarating feeling when you experience it, so revel in it!

I definitely agree that you should meet him/her/them first before you go through with such a thing. Perhaps you should spend a few days with them and get a feeling for what it is like to live with your S.O. before considering yourself gung-ho for the idea. Like stated above, be yourself! If they really love you, they'll accept you for who you are. I'm sure they might be on edge, too. Hope this helped in some way. \o/