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Wow... my ex is doing so much better than I am. - October 23rd 2017, 06:03 PM

Hi all,

So I'm not sure which section this really belongs in but I went with relationships as it relates to an ex.

So I recently joined instagram, and I happened to stumble upon an ex's page. I honestly wasn't looking for it, one of his photos appeared in that featured/things that might interest you section that comes up when ever you press search. I clicked the photo and then suddenly realised who had posted it. My ex and I split more than two years ago and I'm completely fine and over the relationship. I'm not interested in getting back with him or anything, to be honest, I hadnt even thought about him for months until this. I cut all contact with him after we broke up so I've had no contact with him for around two and a half years.

Since we broke up, I've got into a new relationship with a wonderful person. We've been together for two years now -but things have been a bit rocky lately. I also finished my a levels, but I didn't do too well in them. I've started a degree in English and Linguistics and got a job as a teaching assistant at a local high school alongside this, but sadly I lost the job due to funding cuts which meant certain members of staff had to go; most of the part time TAs had to be dismissed. I have a new group of friends also and a new ambition (to become a teacher). I don't have a job alongside uni at the moment, and though I have an interview for one next week, that's really getting me down.

To be honest, I thought I was doing alright. I'm doing well at uni and have some lovely friends and a boyfriend, who despite the issues weve been having, loves me and cares about me and makes me very happy. I'm close to my family and if I get the job I'm interviewing for next week, I'll be back to doing a job I really enjoy and getting a pretty good wage considering I'm still a student. I'm also saving for a mortgage which is going well so far. But my ex's instagram has seriously made me realise how little I've actually acomplished.... he's been working as a mountineering instructor in Wales and Scotland and now he's living and working in Dubai!!! His mum also has a new job and is earning loads more and theyre living in a beautiful house.
He has tonnes of friends too. I'm still living with my parents, in the same rubbish, deprived area and I don't really have many friends or a job. I just feel horrible about myself; like such a failure. I just feel like I can't be trying that hard if I'm achieving so little too and I feel like I've just wasted a lot of time.

How can I feel better about myself? Why I have I failed so hard when I've tried so much?
   
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Re: Wow... my ex is doing so much better than I am. - October 23rd 2017, 07:58 PM

Please don't see your accomplishments as a failure, they aren't. I understand that it's easier said than done, but try not to compare yourself with your past boyfriend. Yes he may do all these different things to you, but you both, like everybody else in the world, move at an entirely different pace to one another. Just because he's doing X and Y thing and has Z number of friends does not really mean much. Pictures are captions of things taken at a specific moment in time and what is captured in an image can easily be manipulated into a situation which appears as something else rather than what it actually is.

While working as a mountaineering instructor in Wales and Scotland and now working in Dubai sounds like a really appealing lifestyle because to a point I think we all have an adventurous spirit and many like physical jobs that come with it, it can be easy to compare and feel intimidated because travelling outside of your own country and having a job like that is seen as successful, but a person's success is determined on an individual level. It's understandable his career choice has had an impact on you, but do not forget that you are doing a degree. You are working towards your future and you're doing it at your own level. The degree you have chosen opens up many opportunities around the globe. That kind of degree opens you up to so many different fields of work such as public relations, teaching, speech therapists, business executives, magazine and news editors, even post-graduate study into another specific field of work and beyond. Though you may not think so, having a degree such as yours is as equally as important as the work he does/may do.

In addition, personally I don't have many friends either as I'm the kind of person that believes it's best to have a small circle of good friends, than a wide circle of friends that are not as good. Even if he has 500 friends, he can't have time for them all and do his job, he will likely have a few close friends he hangs out with, the rest you may consider 'friends' but realistically they're called acquaintances.

Don't put yourself down about your achievements. I know it's so easy to in a situation like that, but put aside what you have seen he's involved with and look towards the future you are working towards. Enjoy life by moving at your own pace, not somebody else's.


Life is for living, not for losing.
   
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