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NL31 Offline
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Exclamation Girl threatens to never talk to me again - July 17th 2018, 01:11 AM

So I went to Tallinn, Estonia for a floorball tournament in may. On the last evening we met some girls, asked for their snapchat usernames amd continued chatting and keeping in touch after the tournament. Now there is this one girl who Iíve been keeping in touch with and talking to a lot. About one month after the tournament we told each other that we had feelings for each other. But this all happened at a time where I was stressed out and depressed and I really was struggling with sadness. Because of this I couldnít make a move or make anything happen.

So, about a month later (yesterday) we were talking and I asked her a question regarding us mentioning our feelings for each other. She then got quite annoyed at me because she felt like we only talk about feelings and nothing else. She then went on a rant, telling me that she was tired of me constantly being sad and depressed. She told me she fell in love with the ĒTallinn meĒ and didnít really care about me right now. So I told her that she knows Iím insecure, sad and depressed and I canít do anything about it. But then she said that she feels like I only say that to get attention and feel like Iíve been lying a lot. Now Iím a very nice and kind person and anyone of my friends or anyone that knows me can confirm that. I told her that I could never do that and Iím way too kind to do that but she wouldnít listen to me. So after about 30 minutes of her telling me how much of a bad person I am, I said something that upset her even more. I said that I hope she doesnít talk behind my back and share these ĒsecretsĒ I had been telling her. Now weíve had one argument before this because she felt like I called her evil, and when I said that I hope she doesnít share my secrets I made her feel the same way. She said she was offended by it, and I replied saying I was offended by literally everything she had been saying for the last 30 minutes. So then I started explaining to her that it was all just a big misunderstanding and that she got me all wrong. She then said that she doesnít want what we had to end with us never talking again, but that it might happen. I just told her that Iím ready to apoligize if she is. She didnít reply. So I apologized and said goodninght.

I really donít want us never talking again to happen. What should I do? How can I apologize? Is there any way for me to still show her that I can be the same person I was in Tallinn, and not the sad, depressed me (Iíve been feeling happier recently) and maybe have one more chance?

Any advice is appreciated
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Latte Offline
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Re: Girl threatens to never talk to me again - July 17th 2018, 03:27 AM

I'm sorry that you're going through this. Honestly, I don't feel like this is your fault at all. It sounds like this situation just escalated and shots were thrown on both sides.

I know what it's like to be the depressing friend but also what it's like to be on the receiving end of a friend who's always sad. Both ways can be a struggle - on one hand, your depression feels all consuming, on the other hand, it's exhausting and a major bummer for the friends who constantly have to hear about how sad you are all the time.

However, I don't think it's a mater of not being sad/depressed any more. Your emotional state is what it is; it can be improved upon, but that's not going happen overnight and you shouldn't fake it just to appease her. That said, I feel like "treating" your depression can help with your relationships. For example, if you're doing anything like yoga, listening to music, reading books, hiking, etc., you can tell your friend about that stuff. Let her see that your interested in trying to talk about other stuff besides your depression.

If you're negative feelings are so all consuming that you can't even have a single conversation without bringing up how depressed you are, I would also strongly encourage you to try out counselling, since your depression shouldn't be so pervasive that you can't get by without mentioning it. Therapy is honestly amazing though, so I'd strongly recommend it. I don't think that it's a bad thing to be depressed, just that I think that at that point, it's so clearly affecting your life that it's time to do something about it. For example, I have pretty bad anxiety, but I also manage it so that it's not all consuming for me any more. This is also why I suggested engaging in other activities; if you couple it with therapy, if needed, it'll help a lot of the long run.

You can also let your friend know that you're sorry that you let your depression affect her negatively, though you wish she hadn't brought it up the way that she had, but despite that you are working through your depression and will be more mindful of it in your relatioship. While you can't gaurantee that'll be a perfect solution it should help
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