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Elision Offline
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Virgin or not - January 11th 2019, 12:29 AM

I have a problem in that my friends all think I am not a virgin but other people know that I probably am

This worry all stemmed from one friend telling my ex that someone wanted to have sex with me, and the exe said Ďgood luck with thatí

I am annoyed he said that. I mean, itís true, I am hugely self conscious when it comes to sexual activity and I rarely engage - I havenít even kissed anyone since last May.

Now I know that isnít a problem - I can do what I want, I am not obligated to kiss someone. But it gets awkward because now I like a guy who is friends with my ex, and I fear my ex had told him that i wonít do anything sexual.

It is also awkward because I have led my friends to believe that I have had sexual encounters and even sex, when that is not the case, because i am scared that I will come across as juvenile and uneducated if I reveal that I have never done anything particularly sexual, let alone actually had sex.

My main questions are: how do I deal with the guy that I like, who may think that I am essentially asexual, and how do/should i tell my friends that I have done very few sexual activities and that I have literally lied to them so I donít come off as a prude (which I know I shouldnít worry about, but Iím 19 and I havenít had sex let alone a meaningful relationship so I donít really know where to go from here). Thank you for your help, this is a bit confusing I know so I am more than happy to clarify any confusing details and thank you for reading also


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Re: Virgin or not - January 12th 2019, 05:09 AM

You don't have to tell your friends anything you aren't comfortable with. I know you feel that not having sex makes you a prude but there truly are plenty of people who are in similar situations. I chose to wait to enter into to a relationship until I was more emotionally healthy and that meant that I wasn't having sex. It used to make me think there was something wrong with my but I am glad I waited because I ended up finding someone who was attentive and respectful towards my needs and circumstance and it has made sex more enjoyable.


In regards to the guy, my personal opinion is that if he views you not having sex as a huge issue than he isn't worth your time. When I decided to start dating there were a few people that tried to sexualize my virginity and there were people who felt they could try to pressure me into sex. That didn't work for me and while I was worried no one would want to be with me due to my inexperience I also felt that the right person would. Yes, sex can be an important component to any relationship it shouldn't be the only component. If the guy you like places too much importance on your lack of sex then you should consider moving on to him and finding someone that will take the time to get to know you and realize you are much more than your inexperience.


Best regards.


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