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Imi3 Offline
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Please help - March 31st 2019, 10:40 PM

Hello everyone!

So here is this issue that has been affecting me badly since more than a year. It is going to be a long read and I highly appreciate you all reading it.

I'm a 21 year old university student. I met a year ago ago and I don't know how but I really liked her. She had a boyfriend that time. She's one of the most cutest and adorable girls I have ever met with. We often used to chill around together and I have taken her out on a meal(like random meal/desert - not like an official date though) despite knowing that she had a boy friend. We have similar lectures in university. I loved spending time with her but knowing she had a boy friend, I still used to ask her like would she like to chill later or take her out on meal. I'm very shy about asking girls out and she knew it. I had a crush on other girl and used to talk to her about it. I have never told a girl that I really like her and she used to tell me that I should talk to my crush. In general we became good friends. Whenever we see each other in uni we give each other a hug and have a hearty chat.

Around a while ago she had a break up with her boy friend and she became bit sad about it. I assured her that I would always be with her and if she needed anyone I would be there for her. I saw her on tinder and felt that she is now looking for a new boyfriend. I liked her on tinder and she liked me back and I sent her some cute pick up lines to which she responded with a laughter. My friend told me that when girls have break up they often end up doing silly things. However I really had an urge to tell her about my feelings. After lot of courage (which I don't have), I sent her a message about my feelings.It was a big message and I told her that I really liked her, and she is amazing girl, I love spending time with her etc etc. It was quite sweet message.

She replied by saying that she is really flattered to know that but right now she isn't looking to enter a relationship because she has just come out of one. She also appreciated the courage I had shown to tell her about my feelings. She also sent me hearts as emojis with stickers of 'love you' and 'best friend stickers'. I replied to her that she is one of the most amazing girls ever and she said the same to me. Next day I saw her in uni and I went to talk to her (keeping my nervousness aside) and we talked normally without talking about previous day.

I was then really confused what it meant. However I continued to be as her friend and we used to talk on chat and even went out like a normal meal. She started to overcome her breakup. We developed a strong bond over the time after I asked her out for the first time. As university term was coming to end, I still wasn't sure what she wanted as she hadn't told me clearly earlier as she had just came out f relationship when I asked her out. I was quite sad about my feelings as seeing her with other guys used to make me feel sad deep inside. So I decided to ask her again. So after around 3 months, I sent her a big message saying asking that does 'she see us together in future at any point so that I could get over an amazing person like her'. I also told her that its the last time I will ask her out and if she doesn't feel the same its completely fine I would never bring it up again and won't allow it to affect our friendship by any means. She repied by saying that she doesn't see us together in that way because she considers me as her best friend. She also said sorry that she doesn't want to hurt my feelings. I said thats perfectly fine and talked normally after.

I was very sad and didn't know how to take it. But yet I continued being good friends with her. My guy friends told me to stop talking to her. I hadn't moved on properly. I continued to think about her over the next 6 months. She used to sent me "Miss you' text randomly on a drunk night out. We used to meet around for a food, we were in constant touch over snapchat and insta. I had really strong feelings for her. I love her a lot.

There are couple of things happened where I felt that she was ignoring me an just using me as ego boost. Like I had told her that if she went out, let me know as well but she didn't. It was also her birthday a month ago and she didn't invite me. But still I took her out for a meal. There are couple of things that I do which makes it obvious that I still love her. Like if I arrange something with her, I cancel all my plans and she knows it. She also likes all my posts on social media and I do the same.

So this went on like for next 6 months till yesterday. She was on a night out yesterday and suddenly at mid night she texted me 'Miss you'.We hadn't spoken for a week before and she suddenly texted me. I was also out so I along my friends decided to see her. I met her and we began talking. She asked me about my tweet that I had made regarding a girl (which was obviously for her based on love). She wanted to know if she was her but she kept saying 'I hope it was not me because we are really nice friends'. Then suddenly I looked at her phone and she was flirting with some guy. I caught her and she said that it was her boyfriend and they were together just since 1 week. I asked her why didn't she tell me to which she said that she didn't want to hurt me because I like her. She then kept asking me that do I hate her etc etc and I said no because it was not her fault. She could tell I was upset.I along my friends then just left. She told me I love you and I told her I loved her too. I was angry as well like why did she sent me a Miss you text if she has a boyfriend already.

So now I don't know how to take my relationship with his girl. I am so sad right now as I really love his girl. She keeps sending me these mix signals. Sometimes I think she is genuine friend. Sometimes I think she is just using me as her ego boost. I really don't know what to do. I have been constantly thinking about her since a year and the fact that she is going to be with someone else literally breaks my heart. I am so sad right now. A part of me wants to stay friends with her. She has told me couple of times before that we are besties for life and she has also told me that I love you. She even has told about me to her mom and always invites me to her house to meet her family. But then my friends tell me to stop talking to her as she is just using me. lso to note that we both are from different culture so maybe she considers me as a good friend but not in romantic way. I do not know what to do. I am so said and have been crying since knowing that she got a boyfriend. She knows I am upset as I have been tweeted sad tweets all day but she hasn't said anything to me yet.
   
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Celyn Offline
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Re: Please help - April 10th 2019, 12:39 PM

I'm sorry to hear that you are having unrequited feelings for a good friend of yours who is sending mixed signals and may well be in another relationship.

It's difficult to say whether or not she is using you. It sounds like you both deeply care for each other and the friendship you have together. While it may have been not well timed the first time you admitted your feelings to her (and well done for being brave!) as she had just come out of a relationship, it sounds like the following time, she see's you as a good friend but not someone she can be with in a romantic sense. Understandably, the 'I miss you' texts can seem very much like mixed signals!

That said, you mentioned posting a tweet and the girl in question picked up on the fact that it might be about her. You also mention that you tend to tweet sad tweets as well. Is there any chance that the 'I miss you' texts were her trying to be friendly? Or perhaps missing how things used to be?

Either way, it's clear that this girl isn't interested in having a romantic relationship with you and see's you as a good friend. While it's harsh that your friends think she is using you and that you should stop talking to her, I'm wondering how you might feel about taking a break from her? Nothing drastic but focusing on yourself and your feelings rather than her and doing things that you enjoy and distracting yourself for a while? You can always resume the friendship after you have given yourself time and allowed yourself to grieve the possibility of a relationship with her. I'm sorry you are going through this as I can imagine it hurts a lot. But with time, you'll move on and find someone who you can be in a relationship with as well as continuing to be friends with this girl, if you both still want that.

Hope this helps a bit and sorry for the late reply!


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