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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
lana1101 Offline
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Unhappy Rushed Into It - September 5th 2019, 09:26 PM

I need so much help. So me and this guy ride the same bus together, and he used to go to my middle school but left in eighth grade. Now heís in high school and we talked a little bit on the bus and at school, but nothing serious. We started sitting next to each other on the bus and talked more and more, but still it wasnít like we were super close. Then he tells me that he has a crush on me. No one had ever told me that, and I havenít had a boyfriend before so it was pretty exciting and shocking. I was super excited, but also nervous. At first I rejected him because I was scared to get into a relationship for the first time, but then I felt a little bit of regret. I told my friends this and they Told me that we should totally date. So, I told the guy how I feel and now weíre dating. Keep in mind, we have only really known each other for three weeks. He is super sweet, but texts kind of weird, like always asking for mirror pics and tries to do like... sexual taking. Iím really not into that but thinking about it I think I was so desperate to have a boyfriend I rushed into it too quickly. Itís hard for me to say no to someone and I feel like thatís going to be a problem. Weíve been dating for maybe a week and Iím already having second thoughts. Itís so much work to be in a relationship and I kind of miss being single. I was wondering what should I do. Heís also super experienced but Iím a virgin in everything. He also wanted to meet up but my parents donít know about us. I enjoy his company but I donít know if itís as a friend or romantically. Is it just nerves from beginning to date? Have yíall had similar experiences? What should I do? I feel like itís not a reason to break up, and I hate to be that person who would end it so quickly.
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Heathen Offline
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Re: Rushed Into It - September 5th 2019, 09:37 PM

I cannot stress this enough:

Listen. To. Your. Gut.

I mean to me it sounds like you mostly got into this relationship because you were excited someone had a crush on you. It's understandable, but if there's no real basis for a connection on your end it's not going to be fulfilling. Sure, you could argue that maybe it's just because things are new and you might get to know him better later. Maybe. But you're already regretting this relationship and that is a HUGE red flag.

Furthermore, he's asking you for sexy pics already and it sounds like this makes you uncomfortable (not to mention in many places nude photos or videos of minors is considered distribution of child pornography and punishable by law, even if you took it for your own partner). I have bad news for you but he's not gonna let up on asking for sexy pics. It's just gonna get worse. Eventually he's gonna want nudes and then he's probably going to start wanting to be sexual. If that's something you want, great! But be physically and emotionally prepared for it. However, it sounds like something you do NOT want right now, and you should absolutely NOT let ANYONE ever pressure you into sexual situations/sending pics you don't want to send.

Basically, you have every reason you want to to break it off. You owe this boy *nothing.* Listen to your heart and your gut and cut ties before it starts to cause more problems.

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Flight. Offline
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Re: Rushed Into It - September 7th 2019, 04:56 AM

Hi there.

I agree with Jordan. If you feel like you are already regretting going into a relationship with this guy, than that's alarming. No-one should ever regret getting into a relationship if it's the right one. Listen to your instincts because it generally leads you down the right path.

Feel free to message me if you need anything.

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Re: Rushed Into It - September 8th 2019, 12:27 PM

had my first real boyfriend this summer, and in the end all he was wanting from me was sex. He also requested some selfies of me and I sent 3 of them and hopefully he deleted them
I did it with him 1 time and I after that I just starting getting away from him because I felt used. All I can say now is that I wish I was still a virgin.
I would run away before something else happens.
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Melancholia. Offline
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Re: Rushed Into It - September 8th 2019, 07:53 PM

I think Jordan said it perfectly.

You are not comfortable being with this guy and your gut is saying something's not right. He's asking you for pictures. It might be cute now, with Snapchat filters of bunny or dog ears. But eventually, he's going to want you to do more, and that's considered grooming. If he demands nudes and you send them, that could be grounds for child pornography. Even if you yourself are underage sending them, you can still get in trouble for being in possession of those images.

This guy is coming on strong from the sound of it and you need to listen to your guts. I know I would break up with him and report any inappropriate behavior or language by him to a trusted adult. Dating is tough, but it shouldn't be like this.

All the best.

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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
RiviŤre Offline
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Re: Rushed Into It - September 12th 2019, 11:44 AM

You said it yourself, you've only known him 3 weeks. That's an incredibly short time to start seeing someone, let alone take it further than that. Do you really know much about him? What about his personal life? What kind of attitudes and behaviours does he have? What are his beliefs on a number of subjects?

From my personal experience, I tend to prefer to take at least a year getting to know someone in order to get to know the 'real' them, and even then it can be difficult because we can't truly know a person. 3 weeks is such a small time frame and an impossible length in order to know what he's really like as a person.

I think already it says a lot about his personality when you've known each other for 3 weeks and he's already asking for pictures of you and doing sexual talk. As you've said, he's experienced sexually. Based on what you've said here, it's clear he's interested only in one thing. If he really wanted to spend time getting to know you, he would have kept those kinds of things to himself when he knows you more deeply.

I agree with you in relation to your comments on being unable to say no. It will most definitely become a problem. I speak as someone who doesn't have this issue themselves, but as someone who has been on the receiving end of it on quite a number of occasions. Let me tell you, it complicates situations, makes the other person frustrated, and they will find it difficult to know where they officially stand with you. Saying no is a very difficult thing to do because we fear the reaction associated with it, but unfortunately having to say it is one big step that's all part of growing up, and life itself. You said you already rejected him at first, so now would be a good time to pluck up the courage to do it again. You already stated that you feel you rushed into a relationship, you know where you stand, so now is a good time to make this guy aware of it too.

Finally, don't be afraid of backing out of this relationship so soon. You know it was a rushed situation, you wanted to have a boyfriend, and the fact someone said they were interested in you make you jump at the chance. It's not uncommon to do so, but just remember that relationship standards are an important thing, not for anyone but yourself. Take the time to find a guy who is genuinely interested in you for you, and is willing to wait no matter however long until you're ready for a relationship, or anything more. This guy is clearly interested in one thing from you, and you are not ready to give him what he wants.

Be strong and say no.

Life is for living, not for losing.
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