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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Heathen Offline
Beauty and Bedlam
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Name: Jordan
Age: 29
Gender: Female

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Join Date: January 6th 2009

I think I've caught the feels - November 29th 2019, 03:41 AM

I've been sleeping with a friend of mine for about three months now. It was the perfect arrangement, really. We were friends who have sex on occasion. I was a few months out of a significant longterm relationship and didn't want anything to do with attachments or emotions or love. It was simple and nice. But I've realized in the last few days that maybe my heart is ready without my head because I think I have developed feelings for my fwb.

I have no idea how he feels about me. I know he loves me as a friend. We care deeply about each other. But I don't know if there's a romantic component there. He still goes on dates and tells me about them if there's a funny or interesting story so I think I'm still in the friend category because he's never called what we do a date, but I don't know.

I guess my question is: do I say something? I like what we have going (casual, low-key), but I am also an honest, straightforward person and I like to be upfront about what's going on, especially when it comes to relationships. I don't want to risk rejection, but I also kind of want to know where he stands. However, I also lost a friendship recently with someone I used to date (we broke up several months ago) who I was friends with for a long time before we got together. I'd hate to lose this friendship because of something as lame as catching the feels.

So what do I do?

The moon asked the crow
For a little show
In the hazy milk of twilight
No one had to know
The moon asked the crow...
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Serendipity. Offline
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Re: I think I've caught the feels - December 2nd 2019, 09:38 PM

Hey Jordan, I am sorry you have not received a reply yet. I don't know much about what's been going on with this new person; but I do know you got out of a long-term relationship a few months ago. Whether or not you're still rebounding from that previous relationship is really something you need to ask yourself. I know you continue to struggle to accept your former partner has moved on, so that is one thing you should consider before speaking to your friend.

You've been through quite a bit in the past few months, breakup with former partner and few hospital visits. The latest was a pretty big one, and you are still in recovery from that even if they aren't helping you as they should. But the point is you've begun to see a bit of clarity, and maybe that post-hospital euphoria of something like "okay, I've got my shit together now" could be having an affect on your thought process. I know you were supposed to hang out with your friend last week but plans fell through, and you were very disappointed; so that could definitely triggered this.

Now, in a more general sense (not just specific to you) it's always tough falling for a FWB; especially if you've communicated about boundaries and expectations. As I said at the very beginning, I would wait it out for a few weeks before approaching them. When you do, ask it in the hypothetical; don't just come out and say it. If he seems inclined for more details, then tell them.

Again, sorry for the delayed response. Best of luck!

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