He is involved in drugs.

[bluerabbit]

I'm afraid that my boyfriend is turning to drugs and alcohol when he is going through hard times.


I know that he has a lot of family issues at the moment and is struggling with an eating disorder as well as self image and body issues. I love him so much and i care about him more than anything in the world. My excessive worry over him in the past has been a consistent theme in our relationship and I don't want to make him feel worse or cause any more problems. However, everytime he sends me pictures with vapes or cigarettes, or I know he is drunk I get so worried about him.


Drugs and alcohol have always been terrifying to me and I always said I would never get involved in these kind of things. I trust him completely and I know he is sensible and smart but I'm afraid he doesn't know what he's getting into. His sister often gets him things like vapes and his family is aware of what they both do. I love his family and his sister but I'm terrified about the impact they have on him. They also upset him on a daily basis being rude or disrespectful to him or other family members. I know he feels like he comes from a broken home and I know I don't know what it's like to be in his shoes.


I don't know if I should bring my worries up to him as I don't want him to feel like he should act differently around me or like he needs to worry about my feelings yet again. But I also feel like this is eating away at me and my anxiety is going through the roof because of it.

[Ennui.]

Hey,

I am so sorry to hear that you are watching your boyfriend go through substance use, an eating disorder, and also disrespectful family members. That is a lot for one person to deal with!

I think it's worth bringing up your worries to him, especially since there's something serious like substance use going on. The important thing is make sure you don't sound accusatory or like you're blaming him for anything, and I wouldn't make it sound like he doesn't know what he's doing. You can say "I noticed that there seems to be more alcohol/drug use when you are stressed or upset. I am worried about you and wanted to bring this up to make sure you are okay."

I can't say that he won't get defensive over this since some people do. He might feel upset at first, but the hope is that when things calm down a little bit he'll realize why you said what you did and why you are concerned. You're coming from a place of caring, you're not tying to get him in trouble. If he does want to talk more about it and decides he wants your support, maybe you can give him some ideas from this list of alternatives and coping mechanisms. These alternatives are used for addictive behaviors and are positive things he can do instead of use substances.

[bluerabbit]

Ennui I cannot thank you enough for your kind words and your help. I have spoken with him about the issue and how it was making me feel. He has helped me to understand why he does what he does and I now worry so much less. The truth is that he isn't using these things to cope with his issues, but more just drinks when with friends or at parties. Me being so worried was more a result of me caring about him so much and being overly obsessed with him, his life and how he is doing. He is luckily the sweetest, most understanding person I know and has helped me to manage my worries and anxiety while feeling so comfortable in bringing up either of our issues. I feel secure in his safety while still knowing that i can recognise when something is really wrong. I still worry about him loads but I'm wokring on not feeling so anxious, especially when I know for a fact nothing is wrong.

[Dawn.]

Originally Posted by bluerabbit

Ennui I cannot thank you enough for your kind words and your help. I have spoken with him about the issue and how it was making me feel. He has helped me to understand why he does what he does and I now worry so much less. The truth is that he isn't using these things to cope with his issues, but more just drinks when with friends or at parties. Me being so worried was more a result of me caring about him so much and being overly obsessed with him, his life and how he is doing. He is luckily the sweetest, most understanding person I know and has helped me to manage my worries and anxiety while feeling so comfortable in bringing up either of our issues. I feel secure in his safety while still knowing that i can recognise when something is really wrong. I still worry about him loads but I'm wokring on not feeling so anxious, especially when I know for a fact nothing is wrong.

It's great to hear that you spoke to him and that you were able to understand his point of view. It can be hard to watch your loved ones go through certain issues and I hope he is able to work through them.