i seriously need help!! i cheated :(

[nesbeth]

sigh
now im even more afraid to tell him bcuz we got in a fight last night

im just afraid i dnt know wat to do
i know if i tell him, the relationship will just end right there.

[sphynx]

Originally Posted by nesbeth

sigh
now im even more afraid to tell him bcuz we got in a fight last night

im just afraid i dnt know wat to do
i know if i tell him, the relationship will just end right there.

I didn't read through every single response here, so pardon if I'm repeating, but the way I see it, if you don't tell him, you'll be carrying around a secret, and by carrying around a secret, you're actually going to set the stage for more arguments. This is because it's going to eat away at you, and as such, it's going to have a negative affect on not only you but your relationship with your partner. I can understand your fear about breaking up, but at least if you're honest, there's the possibility of fixing what went wrong. Quite frankly, the problems that could stem from what happened will, in my opinion, lead to an inevitable break-up anyway.

xo Claire

[nesbeth]

we were fighting bcuz of sumthing else
but i just stood there and took all the beatin [verbally] from him last night

i havent spoken to him since

[sphynx]

Originally Posted by nesbeth

we were fighting bcuz of sumthing else
but i just stood there and took all the beatin [verbally] from him last night

i havent spoken to him since

Yes, but partners in relationships where one partner has cheated, in my experience, tend to argue more than partners in monogamous relationships. All the same, if he's verbally abusing you, then perhaps a break-up wouldn't be such a bad thing... I'm not quite sure what you meant by "took the beating." Also, you say you haven't spoken to him since, it's not been a day, has it? I understand you're probably wanting to fix what happened, but I imagine it'd be best to give him some time to cool off and then to let him contact you when he's ready.

xo Claire

[nesbeth]

took all the beating meaning, i took all the verbal abuse from him last night
it was horrible!!!!!

yes i dnt think i shud talk to him anytime soon
everthing is just wrong right now!

[sphynx]

Originally Posted by nesbeth

took all the beating meaning, i took all the verbal abuse from him last night
it was horrible!!!!!

yes i dnt think i shud talk to him anytime soon
everthing is just wrong right now!

You shouldn't take verbal abuse from anyone, no matter who they are to you and no matter what you've done. You shouldn't dish it, either, and if this is a frequent happening in your relationship, then I suggest you either work on your communication or get out, because no one should have to deal with any form of abuse. Have you tried working on improving your communication before?

xo Claire

[nesbeth]

yes
communication was fine b4
i just cant talk to him after how he acted last night
&& he was acting like that bcuz i ddnt want to kiss him infront of everyone

[sphynx]

Originally Posted by nesbeth

yes
communication was fine b4
i just cant talk to him after how he acted last night
&& he was acting like that bcuz i ddnt want to kiss him infront of everyone

Do you think maybe he was hurt? Or embarrassed? Do you think that could be what caused him to go off on you like he did? Sometimes when people are extremely upset, they say things they would never in a million years mean. I can certainly say I have. I think it'd be good, in this case, you both take some time to cool down, and then come back to it when you're both ready to talk about it calmly and collectively.

xo Claire

[nesbeth]

yes thank u
i think ill do that
yeah maybe he was upset but he said some really mean stuff i just started crying when i came home he didnt even tel me bye wen he left
it really hurt.
i dnt kno wen imma talk to him agen

[sphynx]

Originally Posted by nesbeth

yes thank u
i think ill do that
yeah maybe he was upset but he said some really mean stuff i just started crying when i came home he didnt even tel me bye wen he left
it really hurt.
i dnt kno wen imma talk to him agen

-offers a hug-

I understand. There have been a couple times I've taken verbal beatings from my closest friend, who's been in the position of a romantic partner, and it's killed me every time. All I can say is that we talked it out. Sometimes it required a bit of a break, but we made it through, and we came back closer because of it.

Just trust that everything has a natural timing. You'll talk when you talk and you'll both figure it out then. <3 Hope that I helped, even a bitty bit.

xo Claire

[Rhop101]

I think you should tell him and he should forgive you.
You obviously are sorry about what happened, which though I might be annoyed for a little while, but if it was an accident I would go from being angry to comforting my gf.
I mean everyone makes mistakes.

It's a shame your fighting with your boyfriend, but i think you just need to sit down with him and talk to him about it, when your ready to and after your boy friend has cooled off a little.

[nesbeth]

sigh
thank u all u guys realli helped me =)

<3 nes.

[charmbraceletxo]

I'm sorry, but you just cheated on your boyfriend. Perhaps you should focus less on the virginity-ordeal, and more on the fact that you were unfaithful. I hate to be like your friend, but it appears to me that you're trying to brush it off as if it never occurred...I can't seem to understand why you'd let this guy have his way with you, particularly when you didn't even feel comfortable enough to have sex with your actual boyfriend. Your boyfriend deserves to know the truth--and if he stays/decides to still have sex with you, then it's his decision to make...but you shouldn't keep this hidden.

Next time, consider your significant other's feelings prior to making these kinds of choices...and good luck with everything.

[PSY]

If you have any respect for yourself and for your boyfriend, you'll tell him about the cheating. Now. Today. As soon as you can. The longer you wait, the harder and more frightening it'll be to come clean.

Having sex with him, in order to disguise the fact that you're not a virgin anymore, would be a HUGE mistake, and it would NOT make this problem go away.

Yes, there's a strong possibility that he'll break up with you. Yes, he's likely to scream at you, call you names, tell one or more people what you've done... but every action has a consequence, just as every action has a lesson. Learn from your mistake, and don't ever allow yourself to be put in such a compromising situation again. Become a stronger and better person from all of this.

[J&M's Mommy]

I do not really have any sympathy for people who cheat. No matter what, you allowed it to happen. You are committed to someone else, it should not have happened.

That being said, I can understand how upset you are. Well, I can imagine. You don't want to lose this guy, but I know you are feeling a ton of guilt. I think he has the right to know, but it is really up to you to tell him. But, if you don't tell him than know that he may find out in the future and there may be a lot more to lose then rather than now.

Secrets in a relationship are terrible. Also, they will eat you alive.

[tk338]

Originally Posted by Shannon

You could get away with this if you wanted to, honestly. If you and your boyfriend have sex, he'll just be like, "Oh, cool, she's not bleeding or anything!"

But honesty is the best policy in a relationship, and I don't think it's even going to be worth it if you don't tell him, because it'll always be there in the way between you two and it'll prevent you from being as close to him as you could be. Just tell him, and if he breaks up with you after all the girls he cheated on, then he's a fucking hypocrite, and he's not worth it.

Agreed, and also honesty is the best policy... Also this guy has this against you for like... ever unless you say about it... To be honest however hard it is, be straight out and tell him...

[nesbeth]

thank u guys =)
i told him and everything worked out fine.

[sphynx]

I'm glad that it worked out for you, and kudos to you for being honest with your boyfriend.

As everything has worked out, I'm going to close this post. Feel free to PM me if you'd like to have it re-opened.

xo Claire