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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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WillO'Wisp Offline
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Unhappy Will I ever find it? - January 16th 2010, 07:12 PM

Hi guys.
I assume most of you may have read my last thread and know how bad my luck is with guys. Heehee, it's a bit embarassing. Well, as much as I love to help people with their relationship problems, as much as I like to see my friends happy with their boyfriends and girlfriends, there as times I feel left out and lonely in the relationship department.
I've only had a couple boyfriends in the past, both were terrible to me. I don't want to go into details. Any guy I ever really did like just ended up dissapearing on me. It hurts. I don't want to sound all depressing and a huge downer, but I can't help but wonder if I'll ever find the one? It seems that true love happens for everyone around me, all my friends, and they're all happy. I'm glad that they are happy, but I want to find someone special and be happy myself, and I'm just not convinced that's ever going to happen for me anymore. I'd love to find a nice man for me, marry, settle down with a few kids, have a nice peaceful little family of my own, but it doesn't look like it's ever going to happen. I know I'm 21, going to be 22, and that's still young but even so, I feel my time is running out and I may never find the one for me.
I guess I just needed to talk about it, I feel kind of down lately because this all has been going through my mind and has been nipping away at me bit by bit for a little while now. I just have NEVER, and I mean NEVER, actually met a guy that makes me happy, I've never dated anyone who's really made me feel important, or beautiful, or just a euphoric kind of happy. I've never even been in love with anyone. It's all in the past just been small infatuations which faded off quickly.
   
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Re: Will I ever find it? - January 17th 2010, 03:34 AM

Hey, JJ. =)

Are the men you're meeting also in the 21- or 22-year-old age range? Because frankly, most of the men I know in that age range are either incredibly immature, or they lead somewhat unstable lives (aka "starving college students"). That's not always going to be the case, of course... some men grow up very quickly, and manage to become financially stable at a young age... but many of them are still struggling to make ends meet. Because of this, their goal is to make THEMSELVES happy... not to make YOU happy. Which, of course, can lead to a very one-sided relationship.

You're not going to be alone for the rest of your life. You are a wonderful person, and I know that you'll be a great girlfriend, wife, mother, or any combination of those things someday! Don't be so eager to rush into a relationship, when the man you're with doesn't have your best interests in mind. Yes, I realize that your friends may seem incredibly happy with their partners, but everyone wants something different out of their relationships. If you're looking for "all of the above" in good qualities, then you're going to have to search for a while longer... or maybe even just sit still, and wait for that perfect man to come to you, vs. the other way around.


   
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Re: Will I ever find it? - January 17th 2010, 12:19 PM

I definitely agree with what Robin has said. A lot of us guys are very immature at that age still, but not all are I am not I am working when I'm not at college and I am saving up as much money as I can and girls can be the same way, my girlfriend is 20 and I am her first and she is mine and she is from China so it took a girl from halfway around the world to be a match for me . So there out there just can be hard to find


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Re: Will I ever find it? - January 17th 2010, 12:59 PM

Hey JJ,
I can honestly tell you, I understand totally how you feel!
I think when you stop looking for that special someone it happens. Okay, I know it's hard to see everyone else being happy and in a relationship but I honestly think before you can allow someone else into your life you have to be some what happy with the way your life is already.
If you're happy and have a positive outlook it's more likely that you will attract someone with the same mentality.
I always seem to be on the look out for someone to love and to love me but I seem to attract the wrong sort of people, it's almost like they pick up on the way I'm feeling.
I think when you finally stop caring you're more likely to find someone. I've recently stopped looking for something perfect and found someone I'm not in love with, that's not in love with me but makes me happy and for now that's enough- maybe it will lead to love, maybe it won't but if a relationship is firstly giving you happiness surely that is a start.
Maybe you could try and socialise more with single people, sounds like a lot of your friends are in relationships, so maybe try and hang out with the single ones and maybe you'll get introduced to more single people.
Sometimes you meet people through the strangest of circumstances so just keep an eye out.
If you pin all your hopes on someone and have high expectations of them I think you usually set yourself up for heartache.
Really take your time in getting to know someone and hopefully that will lead to something more than you're used to.
Take care,
Paige xox
   
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Re: Will I ever find it? - January 17th 2010, 08:37 PM

Thank you guys for the support. I guess it's normal to feel a little lonely sometimes. Your guy's posts made me feel alot better though!
   
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