I don't wanna hurt anyone.

[brokenwingedthing]

I'm so selfish.
I don't know what I want.

I broke up with my boyfriend of 8 months, because I was falling for a guy.
Then I got back with him, after I thought the guy was going to go for another girl. And his grandpa died last night, but that's completely off topic.
The guy wanted me. But I had a freak out on him, because I'm stressed, and bipolar, and ugh.
He STILL wants me after that.
It's a long, long story, and now I don't know what to do.
I got back with him because I was scared.
But I'm not happy with him. I don't ever do anything right. He changes me. He's jealous. He always yells at me. But I can't hurt him, ya know? I love him, just not the same. Getting back with him was kind of an innate behavior, stupid stupid.
I really don't know what to do.
Either way I loose, because I'm hurting people I care a lot about.
One's someone I've spent the last 8 months with, trying to please.
The others my best friend.
I'm very depressed, but I'm sure they will be too...

[PSY]

Hello, Mina. My response to this thread remains the same as my response to your previous thread. You need to take care of yourself, first and foremost. I understand that you care about your boyfriend, but based on what you've been telling us, I'd say he's abusive. His feelings, frankly, are irrelevant. He forfeited all sympathy when he hurt you, and took advantage of your love.

It's going to be tempting to go back to your boyfriend. You've been with him for 8 months, and you're going to miss the routine (even if you don't necessarily miss him). It'll be scary, learning how to be an "individual" again, but you CAN get through the break-up, and learn from this relationship. Please, reach out to your family and friends for support... this may be very difficult to do on your own, and you need people who can protect you if things take a turn for the worse.