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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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CillaIsPoet Offline
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How long is too long to go without talking to a boyfriend? - January 30th 2009, 11:21 PM

I 've been dating this guy since December of '08, and I realize that sometimes he can go really long without talking to me....It's friday night and the last time I heard from him was Wednesday after he left my house (and that's when I hit him up)...the longest he has gone without talking to me is a few weeks(and we have only been dating since December)...When I see him online he stays on for hours without talking to me...I feel like I put more effort than he does..and I get tired of always being the one that says hi first
He tells me he loves me, but actions speak louder than words.
Are most relationships like this, and do you think Im overreating?

f.y.i I'm 19, and a college student he is 22,and he works


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Re: How long is too long to go without talking to a boyfriend? - January 31st 2009, 12:09 AM

I think you def have to see what his intentions are for this relationship because it sounds like he isn't being much of a bf and isn't putting in any effort. I think you should tell him you think he should be working harder at the relationship.
   
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Re: How long is too long to go without talking to a boyfriend? - January 31st 2009, 01:44 AM

It doesn't seem like you're overreacting to me, I think I'd feel the same way.

Generally I'd say 1-3 days is okay *sometimes*, but it's not okay when he's putting in 0 effort and it's a continuous thing. You should not have to be putting in all of the work, relationships are a two way thing. It's very worrisome, to say the least.

Definitely have a talk with him about it.



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Re: How long is too long to go without talking to a boyfriend? - January 31st 2009, 11:06 AM

i know how you feel, recently my bf wasn't putting much effort into our relationship and i feel really disappointed and upset because it feels like you are doing all the effect into making this relationship works were he is just simply not doing or saying anything. I just told my bf everything that was making me feel like way and he did say he'll change because we believe this relationship we have would last long so my advise would be tell him what you really feel and wants in this relationship. If he isn't willing to make this work, you're just wasting your time and he isn't meant to be with you.


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Re: How long is too long to go without talking to a boyfriend? - January 31st 2009, 12:32 PM

In all of my relationships, I've never been a day without talking to a boyfriend, even if its just a text saying "Im busy" or "miss you". 2 weeks is a really long time, especially seeing as you haven't been together that long. He's 22 as well, so should be grown up enough for a relationship. I think you need to talk to him about this hun, it doesn't sound like he really cares about the relationship, or if he does he needs to show you.

Also thats really fast to be saying he loves you, especially since you seem to hardly talk. I think he needs to decide how he feels about you, and then learn to show you. I hope it works out for you, you deserve someone who shows you how much they care x
   
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Re: How long is too long to go without talking to a boyfriend? - January 31st 2009, 12:35 PM

Hey.
ok first of all,it's perfectly normal to feel this way, i've heard about a lot of boyfriends doing this and it's really anoying.
i'm seeing a guy at the moment who sometimes doesn't speak to me for weeks! once he even didn't speak to me for a month, but he always apologises and feels guilty when he doesn't text. thing is, he's really busy and i know 'busy' isnt reeally a excuse but mabye your boyfriend is really busy?? and gets so carried away with what he's doing and he forgets to text you? it doesn't mean he doesn't care for you at all!! he does care and love you, else he wouldn't be with you but yeh, i suggest having a word with him and letting him know it annoys you and upsets you. trust me, if he truly takes your relationship seriously he will apologiise and try his hardest to put more effort in. when i first told my guy that he doesn't put much effort in and doesn't seem bothered, he imediatly apologised and the next day he text me to meet up and ever since then he's been asking to meet up, it's not a lot better though and i think soometimes he needs reminding that he has to put some effort in too. but trust me, if he loves you he will try his hardest to put effort in. i suggest just defiantly talk to him about it, don't get angry with him, just explain your true feelings i personaly think it's a guy thing, hehe.bless them x
   
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Re: How long is too long to go without talking to a boyfriend? - January 31st 2009, 12:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by CillaIsPoet View Post
I 've been dating this guy since December of '08, and I realize that sometimes he can go really long without talking to me....It's friday night and the last time I heard from him was Wednesday after he left my house (and that's when I hit him up)...the longest he has gone without talking to me is a few weeks(and we have only been dating since December)...When I see him online he stays on for hours without talking to me...I feel like I put more effort than he does..and I get tired of always being the one that says hi first
He tells me he loves me, but actions speak louder than words.
Are most relationships like this, and do you think Im overreating?

f.y.i I'm 19, and a college student he is 22,and he works
Doesn't sound like he's too interested anymore... You need to talk to him.
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Re: How long is too long to go without talking to a boyfriend? - January 31st 2009, 04:40 PM

Your not overreacting, you definatly need to talk to him.

If there was a reason for him not being able to talk for a certain amount of time (like being on holiday etc) then I think its ok.
But I do think you should be talking to him regularly and it should be a two way thing.
Maybe he doesnt realise and his not doing it on purpose? Or maybe he likes you (as he chats to you a lot) but he just wants something different to you?
   
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Re: How long is too long to go without talking to a boyfriend? - January 31st 2009, 04:59 PM

You need to talk to him.
It doesn't seem like he really cares. My boyfriend and I talk every single day. Whether its in person, on the phone, texting, or IM, we always talk.
   
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