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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Lozzaa Offline
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Would you think twice if... - February 2nd 2009, 03:39 PM

the brother of someone your dating had a genetic disease?

PLEASE honest opinions.

xx
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Would you think twice if... - February 2nd 2009, 03:43 PM

No.
I dated someone who was dying.... obviously it doesn't matter to me at all. And why should it? You love the person, not the diseases that are around them.

Lou.


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Re: Would you think twice if... - February 2nd 2009, 03:49 PM

its an odd one to explain.

My brother has a genetic disease.
Its not passed down in my family and i'm NOT a carrier, but you know.. the news and stuff can scare people off. I never thought about it till earlier.
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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Would you think twice if... - February 2nd 2009, 03:50 PM

no, i wouldn't, i don't see why that could change my opinion of someone. tbh Laura, if someone is going to base whether they want to be with you on the fact that your brother has a genetic disease then they are not worth your time.


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Re: Would you think twice if... - February 2nd 2009, 03:52 PM

Lou, I really respect you for doing that, that must have been so tough. .

I hate to say that I would think twice.. I wouldn't bad want anything to happen to him/her or any children that we might one day have.

But if I really loved them, it wouldn't matter. But it would still worry me.
   
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Re: Would you think twice if... - February 2nd 2009, 03:54 PM

No, I wouldn't. It would never cross my mind.


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Re: Would you think twice if... - February 2nd 2009, 04:08 PM

No. That wouldn't bother me. If it bothers you then I think you need to either have a talk with him, or cut it off.
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Re: Would you think twice if... - February 2nd 2009, 04:09 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Deedlit View Post
Lou, I really respect you for doing that, that must have been so tough. .

I hate to say that I would think twice.. I wouldn't bad want anything to happen to him/her or any children that we might one day have.

But if I really loved them, it wouldn't matter. But it would still worry me.
I admire your honesty.
BUT... say everything was fine, then new stories get out in the press, you would speak to the person first right?

btw this is linked to my blog...
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Re: Would you think twice if... - February 2nd 2009, 04:14 PM

I wouldn't be bothered by it and would date said person regardless. I like/love the person for them, not the diseases they have as someone has said.
   
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Re: Would you think twice if... - February 2nd 2009, 05:49 PM

I would think twice about having kids with them. I know that my bf's brother had cancer and died when he was 10 and that worries me a ton. But I would not let it determine whether or not I was going to be with that person.


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Re: Would you think twice if... - February 2nd 2009, 07:22 PM

I doubt it. I'm currently dating someone who actually has a genetic disease. I still love him and knowing this actually makes me cherish every moment that I spend with him more...I see everything so differently about time now and spending an hour with him or even just holding his hand means so much more to me now than it ever did when I was dating someone who didn't have a genetic disease.

So, it can make someone worry or it could make them cherish their relationship even more.
   
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Re: Would you think twice if... - February 2nd 2009, 07:24 PM

Truthfully, I would think twice. But I don't think it would stop me from dating him at all... I mean yeah sure I would be scared for him and afraid of losing him and whatnot, but I mean if you love him, you love him, can't change that. Why not give it a shot? If he's a nice guy, that's all that really matters in the end. =]


   
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Re: Would you think twice if... - February 2nd 2009, 07:26 PM

No.

If they had the genetic illness themselves, that would be different. As long as it doesn't mean you need to take care of them, then it really should only matter in the manner of procreation. It would be something of importance to discuss down the road when kids come to mind. Otherwise, I don't see why it should effect your decisions at all.

Live honestly, live wisely.

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Re: Would you think twice if... - February 3rd 2009, 12:53 AM

Nope. If I loved them, it wouldn't matter. Until the issue of kids came up, but that would be way off in the future. Cross that bridge when we came to it.


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Re: Would you think twice if... - February 3rd 2009, 02:16 AM

thank you ^^;
the relationship ended on friday...
same day as the article was released talking about teen killers.
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Re: Would you think twice if... - February 3rd 2009, 11:03 AM

I'm a carrier of the cystic fibrosis gene..
We didn't find out that I had the gene until I got pregnant in 2007.

I do not have the full blown disease luckily but the gene is there.. so there was always a possibility of me passing it on to my son. That possibility would have gone up if my husband had also been a carrier of the gene.

Being a carrier of that gene does not make me who I am.. If someone wants to judge me by that then fine, that's their own choice. I would never judge my spouse on something that was out of his control.


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Re: Would you think twice if... - February 3rd 2009, 11:09 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by iHEAVENn View Post
I'm a carrier of the cystic fibrosis gene..
We didn't find out that I had the gene until I got pregnant in 2007.

I do not have the full blown disease luckily but the gene is there.. so there was always a possibility of me passing it on to my son. That possibility would have gone up if my husband had also been a carrier of the gene.

Being a carrier of that gene does not make me who I am.. If someone wants to judge me by that then fine, that's their own choice. I would never judge my spouse on something that was out of his control.
Thanks
I mean if he has done this then the guys not worth it.. right?
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Re: Would you think twice if... - February 3rd 2009, 11:11 AM

No I wouldnt think twice. If I liked someone enough i wouldnt mind. Its not like your dating the other person so I , personally. think it shouldnt matter.


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Re: Would you think twice if... - February 3rd 2009, 11:17 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lozzaa View Post
Thanks
I mean if he has done this then the guys not worth it.. right?
Right!!


Like I said, I didn't know I was a carrier of that gene until I got pregnant and my obgyn told me.. My husband stuck by my side through it, he went to the counseling session with me, and helped me realize that it doesn't define who I am. It's just something I was born with.

The right guy will not judge you because of it, he will help you get passed it, and love you for YOU.


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Re: Would you think twice if... - February 3rd 2009, 11:18 AM

My brother does.
So no, no I wouldn't.


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Re: Would you think twice if... - February 3rd 2009, 11:20 AM

I don't think it would really matter to me, obviously i'd have to think about any effects it would have on any children you had together.


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Re: Would you think twice if... - February 3rd 2009, 04:05 PM

I'd not judge on any disability but rather what kind of person he is.
It certainly would not affect my relationship with my gf
   
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Re: Would you think twice if... - February 3rd 2009, 04:53 PM

No, it would not matter at all.
   
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Re: Would you think twice if... - February 3rd 2009, 05:03 PM

Yes, ow could you not think twice about it? But I know for a fact that in the end it wouldn't change my decision on whether or not to be with that person if you love them. I would think about it, because I overthink a lot of things but it wouldn't change hwo I felt about the person whatsoever.
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Re: Would you think twice if... - February 3rd 2009, 05:11 PM

Naw.
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Re: Would you think twice if... - February 3rd 2009, 08:43 PM

I possibly have/am a carrier for the genetic disease, Lupus. My boyfriend loves me for me and has done so for the last two and a half years. I believe if the person truly loves you, then there is no reason from him to not love you for you, and accept you for who you are.
   
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Re: Would you think twice if... - February 4th 2009, 07:16 AM

yes, absolutely.
I want my children to be as genetically "proper" as possible.


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Re: Would you think twice if... - February 4th 2009, 07:54 AM

It wouldn't bother me but before having children i would ant to no for certain that we didn't both carry something we could pass on...but i would want to do that regardless of everything else

anyone breaking up with you having found out about you're brother is so not worth it in the slightest
   
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Re: Would you think twice if... - February 4th 2009, 08:57 AM

Quote:
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yes, absolutely.
I want my children to be as genetically "proper" as possible.

Genetically "proper"
umm elaborate please?

I mean all of our genes have mutations...
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Re: Would you think twice if... - February 4th 2009, 09:17 AM

No, I wouldn't think twice about it. I don't really see something like that as a deciding factor. All that really matters is how the relationship goes.

If someone doesn't date you because your brother is sick, you deserve much better. Don't let it get you down.



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Re: Would you think twice if... - February 4th 2009, 09:21 AM

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No, I wouldn't think twice about it. I don't really see something like that as a deciding factor. All that really matters is how the relationship goes.

If someone doesn't date you because your brother is sick, you deserve much better. Don't let it get you down.

yeah..

I've got a much "better" reason apparently. from his mate. Pah-thetic...
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Re: Would you think twice if... - February 4th 2009, 11:19 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lozzaa View Post
Genetically "proper"
umm elaborate please?

I mean all of our genes have mutations...
What I mean is that I would not want my children to suffer from any degenerative diseases or deformations.
Things that are treatable such as asthma, etc. don't bother me.
The biggest issue would have to be if retardation ran in the family, Think what you will of me but I would find it VERY difficult to care for that...
I don't have it in me.

If that offends anyone, I am sorry. It is how I feel.


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Re: Would you think twice if... - February 4th 2009, 11:28 AM

It wouldnt bother me.
However i would want to know more about it in general.
Also what it means for your brother and you, other members of your family
I would want to know if your a carrier and how it all works etc.

It wouldnt change my mind though, I would still be with the person and I would want to support and help them in any way I could.

In fact without going into to much detail I am with someone who is a carrier of something that could be passed down to children. But it didnt make me think twice at all. I just wanted to understand more about it and what it could mean for the future.

Anyone that truly cares enough about you would take the time out to listen to you and understand what its about, and even if you were a carrier it wouldnt matter to them.
   
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Re: Would you think twice if... - February 4th 2009, 11:29 AM

Quote:
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What I mean is that I would not want my children to suffer from any degenerative diseases or deformations.
Things that are treatable such as asthma, etc. don't bother me.
The biggest issue would have to be if retardation ran in the family, Think what you will of me but I would find it VERY difficult to care for that...
I don't have it in me.

If that offends anyone, I am sorry. It is how I feel.
Fair enough, but things happen. You may not be a carrier, but mutations happen *which is how my brother has MD* I'm not a carrier but still.

Nobody wants their child to be ill. Learning Difficulties can be a struggle to cope with, but its not the end of the world.

**Sorry I hate the word retard..
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  (#35 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Would you think twice if... - February 4th 2009, 01:45 PM

Honestly, No. I think if you have strong enough feelings for someone you look over superficial things.
Theres no rush, you would talk these things through when your further into a relationship surely.


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Re: Would you think twice if... - February 4th 2009, 02:05 PM

No, I wouldn't think twice about being with someone just because their sibling had a genetic disease. Mathew's brother has some kind of genetic disorder, but that doesn't stop me from loving him. I realize that it's a possibility that it might be passed on to our kids, but it would be different if his disorder was life threatening.


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