Should I Tell Her This?

[JakeSim]

I recently broke up with my gf and I had to because I was uncertain about a lot of things. Most of this was due to stress from overthinking every little detail in the relationship. It made everything so un-enjoyable because I always had these thoughts on my mind.

I ended up having to break up with her to figure things out. Now that I have figured out exactly what I want (8 days later) she tells me she just doesn't have those feelings for me right now and she is getting frustrated with me always bringing this stuff up. (I've talked about it 2 times with her and wrote her a note about exactly how I feel) I feel like I am just pushing her away even more.

The last thing she told me when we were talking about our relationship was that she just doesn't have those feelings for me right now because of everything. She gave me a completel reasonable answer as to why which was, she started to try to lose feelings for me because we tried making the relationship work for a month but she saw it wasn't going anywhere and she saw where it was going to end so she used that as a defense mechanism. But I mean, this girl had REALLY strong feelings for me and I REALLY like her to. She even wrote me a 6 page note on Valentines day with a giant cake as well. What she said was really amazing about me.

She has said things like "You are so amazing, you are the best boyfriend I have ever had, you make me so happy, you don't treat me like a dick like all my previous boyfriends, you are great to me and I hope you never leave me."

Now she says she doesn't have those feelings for me? Is she just mad about the break up? She even told her friends that she doesn't have those feelings now...

But anyway, I feel like the best approach to do this is to yet again confront her even though she's frustrated with it, it feels like the right thing to do. I feel like I should tell her over the phone this....


"Look, I know I said I wouldn't bring up all this stuff again but I feel like it has to be said. The breakup was a complete mistake but it was also worth it at the same time. It made me realize how much I like you and how much you mean to me and how much I truly do want you. You really do mean the world to me and I'm sorry for the breakup and I'm sorry for hurting you and making things confusing but I needed that time to figure out exactly what I wanted so this can work and I do have that answer. I'm not in the mood to play games and figure out if you want me or not, I want you and this can work! I respect your every decision but I can stand being played around with if that's what you are doing. I am really hoping you can give me that second chance you told me about.

As hard as it is for me to say but if you can't accept this, I'm done and I'll stop bothering you but I can't constantly be like this and go no where with it and always be in question. I miss you so much."

Will this just scare her away even more or can it jolt her to coming back to me?

[PSY]

I feel like it could go either way. On one hand, she may be willing to give you another chance, if you seem sincere and eager to do whatever it takes to make the relationship work this time around. On the other hand, she may need more time to figure things out on HER end, and hearing these sorts of things from you could just frustrate her even more.

Perhaps you could just tell her that you'd like to talk about your relationship one last time. No details... let her decide whether or not she's willing to listen, and don't force all of this on her if she's already feeling stressed about the break-up. If she's willing to listen, go for it. If she's not, then respect her decision and give her the space she needs. Maybe, given time, SHE'LL come to YOU, not the other way around. =)

Good luck!

[TheNumber42]

I think Robin's suggestion is very good. Try to ask her without getting specific if she'd be comfortable talking about it and see what happens. Maybe she will be open, maybe not.

I will say that I went through a similar situation with my girlfriend in that we broke up and then got back together and I think it made us stronger, so it could work for you guys if you're both willing to try and she feels the same way.

[JakeSim]

Originally Posted by TheNumber42

I think Robin's suggestion is very good. Try to ask her without getting specific if she'd be comfortable talking about it and see what happens. Maybe she will be open, maybe not.

I will say that I went through a similar situation with my girlfriend in that we broke up and then got back together and I think it made us stronger, so it could work for you guys if you're both willing to try and she feels the same way.

What was your situation? Was this your first relationship? Did you not get to see her much, ect?

[TheNumber42]

It was my first serious relationship, long distance (about 9 hours), we were together about 6 months at the time (saw eachother in person twice the whole time, talked on the phone daily).

Things had come up between us and were just really hard, mainly the distance, so we mutually decided to break up. We stayed close friends and about two weeks later we talked and realized we still loved eachother and didn't want anyone else, so we got back together.

We've been even stronger than before the break-up since then. We always communicated really well and had a lot of trust, so it was easy to talk about how we felt and decide we wanted to be together. Then once we were together, we were stronger because the time apart allowed us to realize how much we really meant to eachother. I also felt able to trust her even more because I knew that she had the chance while were apart to be with other guys or single and she chose to be with me. Overall it was a really hard experience, but it ended up making us stronger as a couple.

[JakeSim]

Originally Posted by TheNumber42

It was my first serious relationship, long distance (about 9 hours), we were together about 6 months at the time (saw eachother in person twice the whole time, talked on the phone daily).

Things had come up between us and were just really hard, mainly the distance, so we mutually decided to break up. We stayed close friends and about two weeks later we talked and realized we still loved eachother and didn't want anyone else, so we got back together.

We've been even stronger than before the break-up since then. We always communicated really well and had a lot of trust, so it was easy to talk about how we felt and decide we wanted to be together. Then once we were together, we were stronger because the time apart allowed us to realize how much we really meant to eachother. I also felt able to trust her even more because I knew that she had the chance while were apart to be with other guys or single and she chose to be with me. Overall it was a really hard experience, but it ended up making us stronger as a couple.

Well I'm extremely glad it worked out for you. But my situation is a little more complicated honestly. I'm confused completely on what I want to do. I feel less stressed out when I'm not with her because I don't have much to worry about but then at the same time I miss her and I hope she doesn't get with anyone else. But at the same time I sort of feel like I don't care, but then again I do....

I also feel like seeing other people but at the same time I feel like I'm going to lose her if I see someone else. At times I feel completely unemotional about anything and it confuses me even more to deciding what I really want.

I feel like being around her and when I talk to her I just think about my situation a lot of the times and it's hard to enjoy it even though I want to be near her. I love her personality so much and I compare it to other girls but I still feel like I have to be exclusive to her and I just can't come up with a decision.

I'm afraid if I get back together with her that the same situation will happen again.

Maybe all of this confusion was caused from all of the long-lasting anxiety that I had when going out with her. She did however help me realize how crazy I was driving myself over everything

So I've tried figuring out my thoughts and managing them for almost 3 months now and I feel like it's worked a bit but I still have those uncontrollable thoughts that I can't stop thinking about and I feel like it's time I need to at least try medication.

I don't feel like coming up with a decision on what to do until I'm completely sure.

Is it the relationship I'm missing from what it sounds like, or is it her?

The only thing that bothered me with her is a couple of things, one was that she could only go out outside of school for a date or to chill once a week because she is the oldest of 8 siblings and her parents are strict. However, I can only go out on the weekends now probably too because of track, which we are doing together. (I took it to try to build a relationship with her even more)

I'm just honestly so confused I have no idea what I want at this point. I feel like more experience with girls is always good but at the same time I feel like I really like my ex and it didn't work the first time and that it can or couldn't work another time.

How do you know if your just not interested in a girl anymore and that the relationship just didn't work because and that it's not meant to be? Maybe I'm confused if it was just my anxiety ruining my relationship or maybe I wasn't interested in her, which I doubt that is. But I don't know. My whole situation is confusing and I'm sorry if it sounds confusing.

[JakeSim]

So I talked to her tonight. I told her pretty much that if I move on then there's a chance of me losing you and you losing me and she's just like "ok, I'm just not ready for dating and relationships right now, I'm to stressed out with everything going on" and she kept that excuse and I can't change her feelings and I asked her if she will even give me another chance later on and she's just like "I don't know, but if I do i'm gonna make you work for it" (in a joking tone kind of). I like this girl a lot and can't stop thinking about her but I can't hold on if this is the case but I just can't stop thinking about her.

Is she playing me possibly? She said she wants me to move on because she feels bad about me sitting around and waiting for her to be ready which I guess is understandable but this makes me want her more.

[DanielR]

A close friend once told me: "Never believe a woman when she says 'it's fine', 'I just can't handle a relationship right now' or 'I just don't have those feelings anymore'.

I have to agree. She is afraid that you will hurt her again. So she should be, right? While, no... it's perfectly natural to feel frustrated with the complications of a relationship, its not completely your fault. You had doubts, for whatever reason (you didn't state these), and for now... its 'on the rocks'.
What I would suggest, is that you stand back... and let her make her decisions. Let her know that you're always there for her if she needs you, but let her think. There is a line where pressure is enough, and too much... you seem to be applying WAY too much. And yes, it's completely understandable! You love her deeply (obviously) and you're expecting her end of the deal (she's told you you're the best thing ever... so on..) to follow through. If there's one thing I've learnt about women... its that when given the opportunity to 'play' with a mans mind/heart/etc... she'll do it. She will be trying to make you feel the way she felt when you hurt her. I know it'll be hard, but stand your ground... don't allow her to see how painful it is.

In amongst that jumble of words, I hope there is something that can help you

[JakeSim]

Originally Posted by DanielR

A close friend once told me: "Never believe a woman when she says 'it's fine', 'I just can't handle a relationship right now' or 'I just don't have those feelings anymore'.

I have to agree. She is afraid that you will hurt her again. So she should be, right? While, no... it's perfectly natural to feel frustrated with the complications of a relationship, its not completely your fault. You had doubts, for whatever reason (you didn't state these), and for now... its 'on the rocks'.
What I would suggest, is that you stand back... and let her make her decisions. Let her know that you're always there for her if she needs you, but let her think. There is a line where pressure is enough, and too much... you seem to be applying WAY too much. And yes, it's completely understandable! You love her deeply (obviously) and you're expecting her end of the deal (she's told you you're the best thing ever... so on..) to follow through. If there's one thing I've learnt about women... its that when given the opportunity to 'play' with a mans mind/heart/etc... she'll do it. She will be trying to make you feel the way she felt when you hurt her. I know it'll be hard, but stand your ground... don't allow her to see how painful it is.

In amongst that jumble of words, I hope there is something that can help you

So what exactly do you think I should do?

She got angry for me not putting in an effort not talking to her because she's just like "I want to be friends, but that doesn't mean not talk to me!" I then said that I did this because I told you about how I feel about you and how being friends is hard for me so I try, but its difficult and also at the same time I'm trying to give you space.

She also got mad at me for asking her friends if she has said anything to them because she thought I had something to tell her so she got mad because she thought I wasn't telling her something. I then told her about that that I didn't ask her because I know how you get all frustrated talking about our relationship. She calmed down a little after this.

So what am I to do?

I also got a little mad later on with her and brought up a situation where I thought she lied to me. Ya I know, terrible idea.

[DanielR]

She still wants you, by the sounds of it.

I don't know if you've done it already, but say this (only ONCE, don't pressure her):

"You need to make a decision, because I'm holding my heart in my hand... You either take me back, or we part ways... being friends with you, even though I feel strongly about you, is WAY to hard..."

Once you say this... wait a few days (if she doesn't answer you straight away). She will decide then and there if she wants you or not. Also... NEVER rely on her friends for answers (and confidentiality...).

[JakeSim]

Originally Posted by DanielR

She still wants you, by the sounds of it.

I don't know if you've done it already, but say this (only ONCE, don't pressure her):

"You need to make a decision, because I'm holding my heart in my hand... You either take me back, or we part ways... being friends with you, even though I feel strongly about you, is WAY to hard..."

Once you say this... wait a few days (if she doesn't answer you straight away). She will decide then and there if she wants you or not. Also... NEVER rely on her friends for answers (and confidentiality...).

Hmm, well first. Have you read the whole thread why we broke up in the first place? I broke up because of uncertainty from confusion and anxiety and because I never got to see her outside of school much.

I'm afraid if I do get back together however, the same problems may actually occur again. I have no idea.

If I do do that though, I'm going to leave it as a text or something for her because we talk about this stuff all the time and I feel like she will be more comfortable with a text anyway, even though texts are lame.

[DanielR]

Well, you've answered your own question then. If you know it's only going to cause problems then, your sanity prevails over your broken heart. You must do what your mind tells you.

It'll be hard, but it must be done.

BUT... it takes a certain type of person to still be friends with an ex. I would sever all ties now (if you know that talking to her will only make things worse) and if possible, in the future... talk again (who knows... later on, the situation may be a whole lot different). Don't break her heart without a decent, complete answer as to why though... otherwise, in the future... she will blame you for 'being the guy that hurt her the most'... and she'll never let you forget it. End it on the best possible terms, and you won't feel guilty.
Good luck, and I'm here if you need any more help

[JakeSim]

Originally Posted by DanielR

Well, you've answered your own question then. If you know it's only going to cause problems then, your sanity prevails over your broken heart. You must do what your mind tells you.

It'll be hard, but it must be done.

BUT... it takes a certain type of person to still be friends with an ex. I would sever all ties now (if you know that talking to her will only make things worse) and if possible, in the future... talk again (who knows... later on, the situation may be a whole lot different). Don't break her heart without a decent, complete answer as to why though... otherwise, in the future... she will blame you for 'being the guy that hurt her the most'... and she'll never let you forget it. End it on the best possible terms, and you won't feel guilty.
Good luck, and I'm here if you need any more help

I honestly feel like it's not going to cause problems at this point. I just feel like I want her more than anyone else at this point. I feel like she means a lot to me. I feel like I'm in love with her personality. I feel like those little things don't matter as much right now.

I just don't want to make the wrong decision though because of my confusion and I'm really afraid.

[DanielR]

Then its simple to say: You need to take more time and figure it out. If you're unsure, but you love her, but you think its not going to work, but you want it to, but you're still unsure (simulating what goes through every persons head when they're in this situation)...

Simple answer: Take some time away from her and FIGURE your head out first. Forget what your heart says for a while, and listen to your head (but don't confuse the two). The right answer will come to you if you give it the right amount of time.

[JakeSim]

Originally Posted by DanielR

Then its simple to say: You need to take more time and figure it out. If you're unsure, but you love her, but you think its not going to work, but you want it to, but you're still unsure (simulating what goes through every persons head when they're in this situation)...

Simple answer: Take some time away from her and FIGURE your head out first. Forget what your heart says for a while, and listen to your head (but don't confuse the two). The right answer will come to you if you give it the right amount of time.

I'm going to wait 2 weeks and if I have an answer then I'll say that. Even though she said it may be a very long time until she's ready for dating/relationships does this sound like the right thing to do and is 2 weeks long enough. I'm thinking about telling her on April 1st if I still want her.

I respect her decision I really do but I don't want to move on because I really like this girl.

[DanielR]

You need to stop thinking about her, and think about YOU. What will YOU go through if SHE rejects you? How will YOU cope if the relationship fails? You need to realize that SHE isn't the only one in the relationship... and that there is nothing wrong with thinking about your own feelings.

[JakeSim]

Originally Posted by DanielR

You need to stop thinking about her, and think about YOU. What will YOU go through if SHE rejects you? How will YOU cope if the relationship fails? You need to realize that SHE isn't the only one in the relationship... and that there is nothing wrong with thinking about your own feelings.

I'm trying to but she gets mad if I dont talk to her because she still wants to be friends and so do I even though it's tough. I love seeing her, I really do, but when I see her my heart sometimes races a little, I'm angry and upset but at the same time i'm happy and it makes it hard to talk to her. I never told her that I wanted space so it's kind of understandable why she still wants to talk to me. Maybe I should have, I'm not enitrely sure here.

[Rhop101]

Hello Jake,

I know you've tried being her friend you want to but it's just putting extra stress on you. I don't have anxiety problems, but I did have a similar situation, but the feeling wasn't mutual and I ended up freaking her out and I didn't give her the space she needed, because of this friends situation granted I don't know how she feels in your situation, but you need to try to stop talking or looking at her and try to keep your distance because otherwise you'll keep thinking about her and not give any thought for yourself. You clearly have stated that your anxiety problems and the amount of time together put a strain on you and you know the same thing will happen again if you two get back together. I think you might want to wait to find someone else and let you learn to take better care of your anxiety medication, etc.. before you try to date this girl or anyone.

[JakeSim]

Originally Posted by Rhop101

Hello Jake,

I know you've tried being her friend you want to but it's just putting extra stress on you. I don't have anxiety problems, but I did have a similar situation, but the feeling wasn't mutual and I ended up freaking her out and I didn't give her the space she needed, because of this friends situation granted I don't know how she feels in your situation, but you need to try to stop talking or looking at her and try to keep your distance because otherwise you'll keep thinking about her and not give any thought for yourself. You clearly have stated that your anxiety problems and the amount of time together put a strain on you and you know the same thing will happen again if you two get back together. I think you might want to wait to find someone else and let you learn to take better care of your anxiety medication, etc.. before you try to date this girl or anyone.

I can only think of my ex now. Every other girl I'm just like whatever today even with the curiousity. I'm completely emotionless at this point which is why I have no idea what to do.

I honestly don't feel like dating anyone else because I do believe another shot at the relationship might work once the medication kicks it and calms my thoughts more. If I'm feeling more confident from it and I'm still thinking about my ex, will it hurt to try?

Also, I know keeping my distance from her might be good but we promised to remain friends for now from the beginning of the break up so it might leave er wondering.

[Rhop101]

I agree that once the medication helps you deal with the anxiety you could start hanging out with her again or if she wanted to try, but she has to ask you I feel. She's just as confused probably as you are.

I suggested keeping distance so you could move on, but if something's still there try again in a few weeks.

[JakeSim]

Random question here. So there is this girl I sort of know but never actually talked to, and I always sort of liked her and when I was bear her my heart started beating kind of like being nervous and a like feeling at the same time. However I really don't have much of this feeling with my ex anymore prolly because that "honeymoon" period has been over for a while and because we're broken up. Although o don't know if I ever had that feeling with my ex for long if anything. But I do still really like her.

Here's me overthinking again. Is this normal even if you like someone and you get that feeling towards someone else? Does this mean I should just give up with my ex and move on or is this completely normal? I'm just curious why I don't know if I ever got that feeling with my ex. But like I said, even though I really like her haha..

[TheNumber42]

I think that sometimes that feeling can be normal in a relationship. Though, in this case it could also be a sign telling you that you're ready to move on. I think the best thing to do would be to give your ex some time and take some time yourself. Don't date anyone, just enjoy being single and get yourself somewhere stable so that you can properly handle a relationship. They aren't easy, especially not when you have a lot of other stuff on your plate to deal with.

[JakeSim]

Originally Posted by TheNumber42

I think that sometimes that feeling can be normal in a relationship. Though, in this case it could also be a sign telling you that you're ready to move on. I think the best thing to do would be to give your ex some time and take some time yourself. Don't date anyone, just enjoy being single and get yourself somewhere stable so that you can properly handle a relationship. They aren't easy, especially not when you have a lot of other stuff on your plate to deal with.

Thin is I don't feel like letting my ex go because I don't know how another opportunity could go even if I had that feeling. When I see my ex now my heart still beats a little sometimes.

[TheNumber42]

Originally Posted by JakeSim

Thin is I don't feel like letting my ex go because I don't know how another opportunity could go even if I had that feeling. When I see my ex now my heart still beats a little sometimes.

I think the best thing for you to do right now is to do your best to let her go, give her some distance. Don't move on to anyone else, just work on yourself and keep things open. Maybe in the future things will work with her, maybe they won't. One thing that I think is pretty clear though is that if you keep pushing her as hard as you are, she's going to push back by reflex and not want to be with you, even if maybe that's what she wants. You need to give her some time to think things through and decide what she's doing.

And in the mean time, you need to focus on yourself. Go out, have fun, hang with friends. Do things that make you happy and do your best to get used to being without her. Even if you do end up getting back together, the independence will make your relationship much stronger.

[Rhop101]

The Number 42 is right you just need to give each other space and just try to enjoy yourself, I know you don't want to move on, but (I don't know your age) there will be more opportunities in the future especially once you get into college. Your ex won't be the only person you ever meet. It was really hard for me accept, but you really should move on the pressure isn't good for either of you.

I made this mistake, and so now I trying to help you not make the same one I did (It's in my about me if you wanted to look).

Try to hang out with your friends more and do things on your own, It's ok to talk to your ex every once an a while if it comes up, but keep it simple and don't talk about relationships just talk about whatever. It would be best not to though because if you don't talk to her she may realize how she misses and then she may take you back, but she won't miss you if you talk to her a lot. By talking I mean no emails or texts either. If she acts like a jerk because your just trying to help yourself and her then she doesn't deserve you but you need to learn how to deal with these situations so if it happens in the future you'll know what to do/ be more open to opportunities.

You don't have to listen to our advice, but I've been through this sort of on my own and you already have a step up from me in asking for advice and I'm proud of you for that.

[JakeSim]

Question. So people do this a lot of times out of just good friendship and they put their facebook status at "married to <name>" when I saw this I got all kind of angry because of what she said and the fact that I like her. But also at the same time it feels like I don't care because I feel completely unemotional at the same time and that I hopped to conclusions maybe that they aren't going out.

So does this mean that I don't want her back? I want the relationship back? Or is it just my unemotional feelings not letting me feel what I really care about? I'm still really confused so I can't tell..

I won't come to any conclusions until I find out if they are or not..

[JakeSim]

Wow I am really confused. Sometimes I feel like I love her and want her back, sometimes I feel like I just want her back, sometimes I feel like I want her back bu have a feeling I would be faking the relationship, sometimes I feel like I don't want her back and the relationship may not work, sometimes I just know there's no one else out there I would want to date and would date her just because of this and like I said sometimes I feel like she is the right one for me right now..

OVERLY confused and I def shouldn't of asked her to call me yesterday just to talk. Which, she never did, prolly cause I never called her one night when I said I would or because she was at her cousins or something.

[DanielR]

I'm afraid what I'm about to say to you will have the effect of someone throwing a bucket of iced water over your head while you're sleeping.

WAKE UP son... Life is all about pain. I've been in your situation more times than I ever wanted to be. You ended the relationship, that was your mistake. Yes, of course... you ended it for valid reasons, but now you need to realize that THOSE REASONS are why you shouldn't go back! In her eyes, (and in mine) it would appear you're 'crawling back'.

Not every woman will do this of course, but don't bet that she wont!: She will play with your heart... You've hurt her, and if she REALLY loved you, and you broke her heart... you've unleashed the 'beast'. She will attempt to hurt you AS MUCH, or MORE than you hurt her.

So mate, cut loose and run while you still have your heart. Love has it's price, and you will find someone else out there ( plenty of fish ) that will make your heart soar more than it does now.

I promise you, she is NOT the one

[JakeSim]

So what if I feel like waiting around for her and want to give it another shot if she wants to? Would this be such a bad idea? Why does it does it sound like I shouldn't go back to her? I had to leave her because I was entirely stressed out about what was going on. I left because I had major issues at the time, I stayed on the phone with her for about an hour and a half trying to come upbwith a decision if I wanted to break up with her, I told her I didn't want to and wasn't sure what I want right now but it was the right thing to do.

Someone once asked me that if I could break up with her without her feelings being hurt, would I? My answer was still, I don't know.

Also, the majority of my dreams lately have been about her and it just makes it harder because I do really like her..

[DanielR]

Are you willing to wait around, and get hurt? If so... go for it.

[JakeSim]

Originally Posted by DanielR

Are you willing to wait around, and get hurt? If so... go for it.

Why might I get hurt another time? Its always worth another shot if she does, right?

Also may I ask why she may not be the right one for me?

[DanielR]

The 'one' would never leave you guessing... like she is obviously doing. If it's love, there is NO DOUBT in each party's mind that they are right for each other.

If there is even a hint of doubt, then it's clear that they are not meant for each other.

I guess mate, its a matter of this: It's either the devil you know, or the devil you don't. (in regards to your question: Why might I get hurt...)

[JakeSim]

Originally Posted by DanielR

The 'one' would never leave you guessing... like she is obviously doing. If it's love, there is NO DOUBT in each party's mind that they are right for each other.

If there is even a hint of doubt, then it's clear that they are not meant for each other.

I guess mate, its a matter of this: It's either the devil you know, or the devil you don't. (in regards to your question: Why might I get hurt...)

Well I'm in such a state of uncertainty due to all of the pressure and stress I went through throughout the relationship and I had no idea what to think.

It's not that I don't like this girl, I'm in love with her personality completely like I said.

I think she's just doing this because she straight up told me she isn't ready for a relationship/dating. I also think she's just afraid of being hurt again.

Does this mean that still?

We only knew each other for 2 months. It wasn't a long enough time to exactly know if we loved each other that much or not I guess.

[DanielR]

Originally Posted by JakeSim

It's not that I don't like this girl, I'm in love with her personality completely like I said.

We only knew each other for 2 months. It wasn't a long enough time to exactly know if we loved each other that much or not I guess.

That confused the hell out of me. You can't be in love with someone, yet doubt it. You either LOVE them, or you don't. Personally, I believe that 2 months is NOT enough time to realize if you love someone or not. This isn't the movies son

Well I'm in such a state of uncertainty due to all of the pressure and stress I went through throughout the relationship and I had no idea what to think.

If you were so stressed back then, why the HELL would you risk that all over again? What are you, a sucker for punishment?

I think she's just doing this because she straight up told me she isn't ready for a relationship/dating.

That's your answer then... You're only going to continue hitting this brick wall, until you realize that you're doing yourself some damage!

Does this mean this still?

Without personally seeing the way this woman is acting, I cannot correctly answer this.

[JakeSim]

Originally Posted by DanielR

If you were so stressed back then, why the HELL would you risk that all over again? What are you, a sucker for punishment?

I just honestly feel like I can handle a relationship much better with her now. I'm going on medication shortly for my anxiety and I have been letting the little negative thoughts lately slip my mind and just let them go. I feel more calm towards everything lately and feel sort of ready to give it another shot.

I'm not just saying I'd hop right back into the relationship. I'm saying that if I did have another chance I would just take it really slow and go on a date with her, if we both enjoyed it, then we keep doing it I guess.

[DanielR]

What makes you think she will really want to date you again after you dumped her the first time?

I also apologize for sounding up front/confronting with my posts... but when someone doesn't completely read/listen to what I say, it drives me nuts.

[JakeSim]

Originally Posted by DanielR

What makes you think she will really want to date you again after you dumped her the first time?

I also apologize for sounding up front/confronting with my posts... but when someone doesn't completely read/listen to what I say, it drives me nuts.

I honestly have no idea. I told her how I felt and that I'm going to leave it at that. I'm not going to text her anything anymore. I'll just let her come to me. If she really likes me and is willing to give me another shot. Then ok, I'm just going to let that happen.

I'm scared that she won't but I really hope I can just get another opportunity here. Couples break up and get back together all the time, I'm just hoping it can happen in this situation too.

Also, it's completely ok. I'm just a little frustrated with my situation I'm probably not realizing some things.

[JakeSim]

Is it possible I just was not ready for a deep relationship at all and felt overly pressured and committed and seeing as this was my first relationship I jus couldn't handle it? I may have gotten to overwhelmed because of this and panicked. Is it possible?

Is there a way I can tell if it was this or something else?

If I still feel overwhelmed to date at all should I just wait overall before doing anything or is possibly just this girl?

[TheNumber42]

Originally Posted by JakeSim

Is it possible I just was not ready for a deep relationship at all and felt overly pressured and committed and seeing as this was my first relationship I jus couldn't handle it? I may have gotten to overwhelmed because of this and panicked. Is it possible?

Is there a way I can tell if it was this or something else?

If I still feel overwhelmed to date at all should I just wait overall before doing anything or is possibly just this girl?

I think that you sound very confused and overwhelmed and the best thing you could do is to entirely forget about dating for awhile. Have fun being single, it's not a bad thing or a punishment. Especially when you're so confused and overwhelmed by relationships, it can be much more enjoyable to spend time with friends, find new hobbies and just relax without the pressures of a relationship.

And in the future, when you feel more ready, then you can try out a relationship and it will be so much better because you will be ready for it.

[JakeSim]

Originally Posted by TheNumber42

I think that you sound very confused and overwhelmed and the best thing you could do is to entirely forget about dating for awhile. Have fun being single, it's not a bad thing or a punishment. Especially when you're so confused and overwhelmed by relationships, it can be much more enjoyable to spend time with friends, find new hobbies and just relax without the pressures of a relationship.

And in the future, when you feel more ready, then you can try out a relationship and it will be so much better because you will be ready for it.

What I have been thinking of trying once i get out of my stressful state is to possibly ask her one more time a while from now of she would like to start really slow with stuff like hanging out and occassional dates and stuff. Would this be such a bad idea even with little doubts? Will it make me come to a more decisive answer of what I want? Is this hurting either of us by doing this?