I'm so pathetic.

[iDream]

I'll say this first: I always make up excuses and try to justify myself even when I know I did something wrong. So sorry for the length.

Apparently I suck at taking advice. In February, I was told by a five different people that in order for me to get over a huge crush on my best friend(also a friend-with-benefits if it wasn't tough enough) I'd have to cut off contact with him for a while. I knew this was what I had to do since I tried everything else with no luck. But what do I do? The same day I made the decision to back off for a while, the two of us end up having sex(I was a virgin, he was not). I'm also apparently good at acting like nothing is wrong, because my friends think I ended things when really it's been continuing.

Whenever I get a burst of hope I automatically ground my thoughts by telling myself that "it's never going to happen" and to stop being such a girl. But then when we're alone together he treats me so nicely. Nothing like how I'd expect friends with benefits to treat each other. Most of the time we just cuddle and kiss lightly(sweet/romantic). And when we're sexual our lips are always in constant contact no matter what. I've even stayed the night once or twice because he said he didn't want me to go.

But then something like this happens. He texts me a few weeks ago telling me he almost slept with one or our mutual friends who has been making it quite obvious she wants to get with him. Before I can once again think coherent thoughts, he proceeds to say how he feels horrible, like he cheated. Then I realize I'm being silly because we're not even in an actual relationship and I had no right to get jealous. So I just tease him like any other friend would. Then tonight he calls me saying how he kissed someone else, that he doesn't know why he did it, and that again he feels like a jerk.

I just... I don't know what to think about this whole thing. I don't know whether he's trying to get some kind of reaction out of me or if he's trying to be genuine somehow and tell me the truth before it manifests and just gets bad.

I know I'm probably not in the best situation. It's not idea, but it's how it happened. I don't know exactly what I'm asking from TH, since like I said I suck at taking advice. But any thoughts will suffice.

[ShimmeringFaerie]

It sounds like you guys are a little bit more than friends-with-benefits. If he is feeling like he almost cheated, then that is definitely moving into relationship territory. Do you want a relationship with him? Sorry, I'm just not sure what advice you are looking for...

[iDream]

I don't know what advice I'm looking for, either. <<; It's just that I can't go to my friends right now because first off they're not very good friends, and second they probably wouldn't know how to process most of what's happened. But yes, I do want a relationship with him..

[ShimmeringFaerie]

Then I would talk to him and ask him if that is what he wants to. He sounds a little bit confused about the situation as well. He might be kissing other girls to get a reaction, but that might just be because he is confused and thinks he likes you, and he wants to know how you feel. You should tell him how you're feeling.

And I know this isn't my place, but if you are best friends and already know that you have physical chemistry, doesn't that seem like a really good basis for a relationship?

[WillO'Wisp]

Maybe he's trying to get a reaction out of you, or he thinks you guys are going into a relationship, but if you are going into a relationship with each other because you do sound more like just friends, then maybe you should talk to him about him and ask him what he's doing and what it is he wants you two to be, talk to him about it and just get to the bottom of this, get a straight answer from him and try to figure out what he wants.
If he is going to be making out with other girls though, he's not the guy for you.