Is it safe to ask?

[JakeSim]

I broke up with my ex gf because of obsessive thoughts, anxiety, unrealistic expectations and just overwhelming feelings. But I know I still like her and she understands exactly how o was but I then told her a little later that I want to get back together and I know I'm coming off as a head-trip lately and i've been dealing with it and trying to make myself better.

My question here is that I'm not sure if my ex hooked up with someone, would it be ok to straight out ask "hey, can you tell me straight up, did you hook up with "name"?"

I know were not going out currently but the thought bothers me because I know I really like her even though I'm still a little confused, but I'm working on it.

[Spellbound]

The question might make her uncomfortable. If you two aren't together now, I don't think you should ask her. Maybe if you were together, it would be a subject that you could bring up. But now you're not together or dating and I don't think it would be appropriate.

If she does tell you and she has hooked up with someone, don't get angry at her or anything and don't let it get you down. Because you two weren't together then.

Take care.

[JakeSim]

True. However I feel like I really deeply need to know and I hvent slept all night because of it. I really like this girl and I honestly don't think anything happened but it's my obsessive thoughts taking over again. I feel like I may be heartbroken if she did.

[Unsure]

Unless she is like psycho the worst that would happen is she would get a little mad and say that it is none of your business, and as long as you accept that and drop it she shouldn't be too mad at you. But I don't know her or the situation, you kinda have to feel it out yourself.

[PlayingPretend]

I agree with Kate. You two were together. Not are. As such, you have no right to ask her such questions. Who she hooks up with, dates, falls in love with, even marries should be of no concern to you, just as who you hook up with, date, fall in love with and marry should be of no concern to her.

And to the above poster, it's not fair to say she'll get mad and say it's none of your business if she's "psycho." I'd certainly be pissed off in the sense I'd feel invaded, and I'd be angered by his brash and bold sense of entitlement that somehow led him to asking about my personal life based off something he heard.

It's none of his business, not anymore considering nothing is at stake. A broken heart, maybe, but that's not enough of a reason to nose your way into someone else's business. If you were working on controlling your thoughts in order to try and get back together with her, here's your golden opportunity. Work on controlling this one. I have a feeling that flat-out asking her, or even beating around the bush about it, might only make you come across as the "psycho" and will hinder your chances of getting back with her, if not eliminate them completely.

[Unsure]

I said that was probably the worst thing she would do UNLESS she was psycho. As in if she is a normal person, which she probably is, then it probably wouldn't go too bad.

[Rhop101]

You shouldn't really ask her that it would irritate her a lot probably.

[Pandamonium]

You have to realize that you aren't with her anymore. She is free to do what she wants and that includes being with other people. Asking her would probably upset her and really isn't something you have room to ask.

Now if you got back together, it may be something you talk about. Until then, it would be best just to let it be.

[ShimmeringFaerie]

I agree with Elliotte. This seems like a really good opportunity for you to try and control those obsessive thoughts. You say that you don't even really think that anything happened, so you should really work at not worrying about this. You broke up with her and that means she can do whatever she wants from now on.

And like Steph said, if you got back together, then it might be something you could ask. But I would advise against it if her answering 'yes' would upset you enough to want to break up with her again.

[PlayingPretend]

Originally Posted by Unsure

I said that was probably the worst thing she would do UNLESS she was psycho. As in if she is a normal person, which she probably is, then it probably wouldn't go too bad.

Whoa. Completely misread. Lack of sleep, sorry. x-x

And I still don't even think it's fair to bring it up if you got back together with her. Right now, it's her life, and it doesn't include you; she's free to do what she wants. And if you get back together? Then your job, as a couple, is to start building a new life with one another - not one based around suspicion, paranoia and hurt caused by the past. She shouldn't be expected to put her life on hold just because you still have feelings for her, and that'd be the case with you, too, if your roles were reversed. My advice really is to let it go. All it can do is hurt/bother you in the long and short of it.