Why do girls fall for guys that treat them poorly but ignore and reject guys that adore them?

[XXilyx4everXX]

im doing a school project and i would really love some answer about why girls fall for guys that treat them poorly but ignore and reject guys that adore them? help would be greatly appreciated

[xxpaigiexx]

Hey,
Sometimes us girls are dumb and make dumb decisions (I can't believe I am admitting this lol).
In all honesty I think sometimes the stupid guys, the ones that treat us like dirt and leave us broken hearted are the more confident ones. Where they are more confident they are more likely to approach us and get to know us. The idiots are usually the ones who are the most convincing nice guys and the time we realise they aren't actually nice is when they've hurt us and the damage is already done and sometimes people fool themselves into thinking someone is going to change and in most cases someone is not going to change they are just going to continue to hurt you and carry on treating you badly.

I think a lot of nice guys make the mistake of putting themselves in the 'friends zone' they are so caring and reliable that it is hard to imagine being without them and risking going into a relationship could potientially wreck a perfectly good friendship. I think sometimes it is hard to tell the nice ones and the nasty ones apart and guys are a lot more... how do I describe it... closed about their feelings than girls.
I know my boyfriend adores me but it did start off as difficult to know because he's not as open with his feelings as I am... so that can sometimes be a problem. I think if guys were more in touch with their emotions at times it would help them to get somewhere.
I know lots of nice guys but sometimes you won't date someone for a specific reason of you just don't see them in that way, they're just a friend or you're not attracted to them, sometimes you can't help who you're attracted to even if they treat you badly and make you unhappy.
I hope this helped somewhat...
Love Paige xox

[don'tstopbelievin]

This could mean several things. I don't really know whether you mean why do girls chase guys that treat them badly instead of going for the good guy right next to her or why do girls stay with guys that treat them badly instead of leaving them for the good guy? I'm going to assume you're asking the former.

For me it's a million and one reasons but the biggest and most obvious ones would be:
1) It's a challenge. I fancy a guy and I want to make him mine but he resists and treats me like crap. Well I like the idea that if I continue to chase him, maybe one day I could tame him. Guys that 'adore' me just present me with no challenge. I know I can have them, that's boring. It's cruel, but it's true.
2) A lot of these guys that are "bad guys" are good looking. I hate to say it, but guys with bad attitudes usually developed those attitudes because they're attractive and can get away with it. Naturally a lot of girls are drawn to the looks first, the personality later.
3) There's something sexy about a bad boy, one that doesn't return your calls, is aggressive in manner or even verbally abusive. It's outside a comfort zone that us women are so often brought up in. I don't want to stereotype but considering this whole post is based on a stereotype that women always go for the bad guy (which then alludes to the stereotype of a bad guy in the first place) I'm going to stereotype. Girls generally are brought up differently to men. Sex is bad, school is important, learning to take care of a home is sometimes important. Misbehaviour is a lot less common amongst girls.. partially because girls just are better :P but partially because girls aren't allowed to step outside of the boundaries of good behaviour without being heavily reprimanded. My point? When you've grown up being told to find a nice man to settle down with and to get a nice little part time job and raise children, a bad boy is a rebellion against that.
4) A lot of the time these so called "bad guys" that treat girls poorly don't treat them poorly at first. Do you really think if I started talking to a guy and he treated me badly I'd continue to pursue him? No. They reel you in first. They've learnt how to be charming. They switch that on first and then they treat you like crap. But they don't treat you REALLY badly at first. They do it in stages, so you get used to their bad behaviour which leads me onto point 5..
5) When you meet a guy and he seems nice but turns out to be a prick, you tend to become a little bit obsessed with finding out what happened to that good guy. You want to see whether if you hang around long enough, he'll crack and you'll eventually find that softer centre you dream your man has.
6) Guys that adore a girl often come across like they're putting you in the friendzone. You tell me your secrets? I know your parents and we're not dating? We go shopping together? You give me man advice? Yeh you're my friend... it's impossible for us to get closer than that now. I'd actually say this ranks right up there with reasons. Biggest advice I can give you... stay OUT of the friendzone. Be cool, be nonchalent, be mysterious and you'll snap that girl up.. then once she realises you're a nice guy AS WELL as being that edgy, mysterious guy she desires, she'll never leave your side.

[Pelios]

We love bad boys...at least I do.

[Algernon]

Someones the ones that treat us nice are pushovers. And we want a man that has a pair =) Not a pushover.

[rhapsody]

You should do a search on this forum cos this question gets asked at least once a month.

[Daydreamer]

Oh dear, the age old question. I think a lot of it has to do with confidence, like Paige said. Also I know that with me I've always kind of had a problem with wanting what I couldn't have. But sometimes girls do fall for the guys that treat them wonderfully, I know that in high school I dated one of my best friends and he treated me like a princess, and now I'm dating a guy who likes to tease and poke fun, but when we're alone he's full of nice things and a mushy romantic side. It all depends I think Hope this helps -Megan

[ThrashAttack]

Im a nice guy to Girls and im not an asshole.

[Sioned]

Algernon I just love how you continuously love to downcast the males who "need to grow a pair". Have you ever wondered why some of us may be like that?

Perhaps it's because we know what it's like to be overconfident, to stride around in life like you're all that. I used to be the alpha male, and i'd treat girls like they're sluts. They loved it. Then I realized where it'd get me in life and I became the opposite.

Just to let you know, most of the quiet guys could, and will easily take a confident man down.

[ThrashAttack]

Just to let you know, most of the quiet guys could, and will easily take a confident man down.

I agree. Im a silent guy and i dont like to be overconfident

[Work_In_Progress]

Originally Posted by Sioned

Just to let you know, most of the quiet guys could, and will easily take a confident man down.

I also concur with this notion.

[Double X]

You can be confidant and nice, I (try to) pull it off...but mostly I just have the sarcastoc anti-charm.

My cockiness made me cringe there

[Bookwork]

Originally Posted by Work_In_Progress

Just to let you know, most of the quiet guys could, and will easily take a confident man down.

I also concur with this notion.

Nice,mean,green, blue..women can't see it but us guys can. The confident guy isn't really confident deep down, he has some shortcoming somehwere and thats why he hides by being the loud bigshot. Then he'll show it later by being..the uh..jerk.

A true man with confidence isn't afraid to be who he is and won't have to hide under a false identity to wow a girl. Just because a guy isn't loud,cocky, and obnoxous doesn't mean he doesn't have a pair.
I'm not the loudest guy, I'm shy, quiet,etc but I sure didn't hestitate to punch out my best friend's boyfriend when he put his hands on her, and nice guys wouldn't ever stand up for the girl huh. No we just don't get off on treating her like trash.
The other guy must've had a pair, he hit a girl three times below his weight...

[Algernon]

Originally Posted by Sioned

Algernon I just love how you continuously love to downcast the males who "need to grow a pair". Have you ever wondered why some of us may be like that?

Perhaps it's because we know what it's like to be overconfident, to stride around in life like you're all that. I used to be the alpha male, and i'd treat girls like they're sluts. They loved it. Then I realized where it'd get me in life and I became the opposite.

Just to let you know, most of the quiet guys could, and will easily take a confident man down.

Some guys are like that because they grow up being mamas boys And never grow out of it.

It just keeps coming up on how "nice guys finish last and why?" It's just funny how guys ask it over and over again. I just say the same thing really.


I've been with the quiet guys... And It doesn't work. Quietness isn't going to get many people anywhere in life. I'm not saying be overconfident and overblown. Be normal? Instead of letting a girl do all the work, put in your two cents often. I like things 50/50 and not 100/0, and lots and lots of other girls like that too. How about the guy picking a place to go, how about taking turns? How about... Giving her a good time during "playtime."

It's good to show a little testosterone boys.

[I-Love-him]

Originally Posted by Sioned

Just to let you know, most of the quiet guys could, and will easily take a confident man down.

Totally agree!. my boyfriend is a quiet guy, he's a gentlemen and one of the good guys. trust me, he does 'have a pair' and he isn't a push over.i'd rather date a push over than someone who treats me like shit, cheats on me,swears at me etc etc etc. he's quiet, yes but when he's pissed off, you WILL know about it!. he'd easily take down a so called 'bad boy'.

Anyway back to the original post.

It happens because of a lot of reasons, most of the time (this is what i was like) girls just think they deserve to be treated like crap and this means they continue to date guys who treat them like rubbish.

Or it could be they genuinly find them attractive (can't possibly see why!) My best mate is currently dating a jerk, i can't see why she likes him, she says it's because he's funny, to me i don't see a funny bloke,i see a complete imature asshole!.

Another reason is girls seem to be so stubborn and narrow minded and often say "i don't wanna date a push over" my answer to this is, "so you'd rather be cheated on and be talked down on then be treated like a princess?" also, if a girl is dating someone who's a push over, then don't let him be a push over! my boyfriend could easily be a push over i guess but he's not because i don't order him about or beg for crap etc etc. i think sometimes girls are still stuck in the school era of there lives, i think in school girls are bullied into not dating so called 'geeks'etc etc and some girls don't grow up and just like dating imature little boys still.

It's just my harsh, honest opinion.

[ThrashAttack]

Its becouse Girls like to be with the guys who act badely and dont follow rules, they wont want to be with guys like me who are kind, smart and thoughtfull

[Pheonix]

To quote Perks of Being A Wallflower here, "People accept the love they think they deserve." That is also why some men date wicked bit**es. That's my best explanation as well as seeing the first male or female in their life (mom or dad/parent's partner) treat their other parent like trash, giving them the first example of how it's done. Sure that's not all it, but poor self-esteem plays a big part. I mean when choosing to date or stay with downright abusers (mental/physical). Dating somebody assertive, but not domineering is different.

[Algernon]

Originally Posted by ThrashAttack

Its becouse Girls like to be with the guys who act badely and dont follow rules, they wont want to be with guys like me who are kind, smart and thoughtfull

Not for all of us. My guy is smart, kind, and thoughtful. But he knows hes a man.

[Double X]

Originally Posted by I-Love-him

Another reason is girls seem to be so stubborn and narrow minded and often say "i don't wanna date a push over" my answer to this is, "so you'd rather be cheated on and be talked down on then be treated like a princess?" also, if a girl is dating someone who's a push over, then don't let him be a push over! my boyfriend could easily be a push over i guess but he's not because i don't order him about or beg for crap etc etc. i think sometimes girls are still stuck in the school era of there lives, i think in school girls are bullied into not dating so called 'geeks'etc etc and some girls don't grow up and just like dating imature little boys still.

It's just my harsh, honest opinion.

Wait! I actually completely agree with this, considering my girlfriend is one of the most popular girls in the school and I am just some loser artist She got so much shit for dating me, but we are super happy

[Algernon]

Originally Posted by I-Love-him

Totally agree!. my boyfriend is a quiet guy, he's a gentlemen and one of the good guys. trust me, he does 'have a pair' and he isn't a push over.i'd rather date a push over than someone who treats me like shit, cheats on me,swears at me etc etc etc. he's quiet, yes but when he's pissed off, you WILL know about it!. he'd easily take down a so called 'bad boy'.

Anyway back to the original post.

It happens because of a lot of reasons, most of the time (this is what i was like) girls just think they deserve to be treated like crap and this means they continue to date guys who treat them like rubbish.

Or it could be they genuinly find them attractive (can't possibly see why!) My best mate is currently dating a jerk, i can't see why she likes him, she says it's because he's funny, to me i don't see a funny bloke,i see a complete imature asshole!.

Another reason is girls seem to be so stubborn and narrow minded and often say "i don't wanna date a push over" my answer to this is, "so you'd rather be cheated on and be talked down on then be treated like a princess?" also, if a girl is dating someone who's a push over, then don't let him be a push over! my boyfriend could easily be a push over i guess but he's not because i don't order him about or beg for crap etc etc. i think sometimes girls are still stuck in the school era of there lives, i think in school girls are bullied into not dating so called 'geeks'etc etc and some girls don't grow up and just like dating imature little boys still.

It's just my harsh, honest opinion.

Last part didn't make much sense to me. I myself have dated that one guy... Oh my god how embarressing. He cried ALL the time and never paid for anything. Trust issues... That didn't last long at all. Never again. A guy needs to be able to say no when the time comes around.

I'm not in a school era of my life. I'm living on my own in a dedicated relationship, living with my partner. But I do agree with what you are saying here.

[Algernon]

Here's an example... My boyfriend is a man. He pays for everything because he takes care of his girl. That's what he grew up believing, which is true. Why are you going to date a guy who can't take care of you? What happens when you have a family, are you going to work for him while he sits at home? I'm not saying you should be spoiled rotten, I'm saying taken care of. Food, shelter, necessities, and love. Yeah, It's good to contribute. I'm contributing to him by getting into Phlebotomy school and getting a job that can help pay for things for him.

But seriously? Boys need to become men. I'm not saying that men are the head of the household and men are the submissive role, but keep things 50/50?

[BabyIndia]

Originally Posted by Algernon

Here's an example... My boyfriend is a man. He pays for everything because he takes care of his girl. That's what he grew up believing, which is true. Why are you going to date a guy who can't take care of you? What happens when you have a family, are you going to work for him while he sits at home? I'm not saying you should be spoiled rotten, I'm saying taken care of. Food, shelter, necessities, and love. Yeah, It's good to contribute. I'm contributing to him by getting into Phlebotomy school and getting a job that can help pay for things for him.

But seriously? Boys need to become men. I'm not saying that men are the head of the household and men are the submissive role, but keep things 50/50?

I don't usaully agree with you tbh, but I do agree here.

My mother always said " Shy Bairns get nout" Lol. Shy guys are unlikly to stick up for you and want to do anything, where as "bad guys" want to do stuff. If you get me, sorry if Im going off topic :P I once dated a guy that was so shy he was ashmed of me because i wasnt a shy girl like him, i always wanted to do stuff.

I have m bad guy lol, he doesnt treat me badly he justs likes to to bad stuffs which is exicting sometimes

[Pelios]

As long as they know how to make me a sandwich I'm cool
But yeah I do agree with Holly and India we just like a man that acts like one, one that can stand up for himself and can handle it.

[Brandon]

To sum everything up in one sentence because I've seen this message about a million times on this forum and getting sick of responding:

Women fall for assholes because they're the closest thing to a man.

[Double X]

Even with the rise in feminism, men are still supposed to be assertive and have the appearance of dominance to make a woman feel safe and secure, even if she doesn't need it

[Algernon]

Originally Posted by BabyIndia

I don't usaully agree with you tbh, but I do agree here.

My mother always said " Shy Bairns get nout" Lol. Shy guys are unlikly to stick up for you and want to do anything, where as "bad guys" want to do stuff. If you get me, sorry if Im going off topic :P I once dated a guy that was so shy he was ashmed of me because i wasnt a shy girl like him, i always wanted to do stuff.

I have m bad guy lol, he doesnt treat me badly he justs likes to to bad stuffs which is exicting sometimes

Oh I know, lol, a guy can't be ashamed of me. I can't shut up about things. You guys all know me, ha ha, I'm that "Okay wait a second here..." person. That wouldn't work.

I just have classic values with a little modern age twist I guess? I have an old soul, that's for sure. It's good and bad depending on the person who judges.

[Algernon]

Originally Posted by Double X

Even with the rise in feminism, men are still supposed to be assertive and have the appearance of dominance to make a woman feel safe and secure, even if she doesn't need it

Hey, you got it

[Pelios]

Originally Posted by Brandon

To sum everything up in one sentence because I've seen this message about a million times on this forum and getting sick of responding:

Women fall for assholes because they're the closest thing to a man.

Yes pretty much, I love your honesty.

[kiddepue]

But is going out with a supposed "man" really worth all the horseshit that girl has to go through? Wouldn't she just rather go out with a guy that genuinely loves her and wants to be with her and treats her well? I just don't get it...

[Algernon]

Originally Posted by kiddepue

But is going out with a supposed "man" really worth all the horseshit that girl has to go through? Wouldn't she just rather go out with a guy that genuinely loves her and wants to be with her and treats her well? I just don't get it...

There's a reason why guys like that are single. A man can be genuine and treat you well.

[Rhop101]

Originally Posted by Sioned

Just to let you know, most of the quiet guys could, and will easily take a confident man down.

I also agree I could have taken down the guy who bullied me all through high school, but I never really saw it as worth wrecking my future over an idiot who will get nowhere. It's sort of funny if we were in the same room I would feel my rage building lol.

I actually made up with one of bullies who bullied me, but then I went out of my way to help him jump his car so that dealt with him, he always said hi to me and I the same after that.

Though some quiet guys are momma's boys others are just smart haha, I know this everyone here knows this, but apparently a lot of guys and girls missed this memo anyway.

That's why all those girls go for the assholes because they are very out there and show off their confidence, and girls easily get who they are. Some guys like myself are more reserved and so who we are isn't so obvious you have to put effort into figuring out who we are. My gf finally took the time the time to get to know me, other girls didn't there to distracted by all the assholes anyway.

Plus many see high school years as a time of rebellion, this has already been said I think, but many find it adventurous to date the asshole because they don't think smart guys are much fun. There wrong, but whatever that's there loss.

[occcoolboy]

sometimes, women want men who are tough on others. i've faced the same thing. i've asked out girls that have had tough boyfriends and they just rejected me just because they thought in their own opinion that i was weak.

[I-Love-him]

Originally Posted by Algernon

Last part didn't make much sense to me. I myself have dated that one guy... Oh my god how embarressing. He cried ALL the time and never paid for anything. Trust issues... That didn't last long at all. Never again. A guy needs to be able to say no when the time comes around.

I'm not in a school era of my life. I'm living on my own in a dedicated relationship, living with my partner. But I do agree with what you are saying here.

Originally Posted by Algernon

Here's an example... My boyfriend is a man. He pays for everything because he takes care of his girl. That's what he grew up believing, which is true. Why are you going to date a guy who can't take care of you? What happens when you have a family, are you going to work for him while he sits at home? I'm not saying you should be spoiled rotten, I'm saying taken care of. Food, shelter, necessities, and love. Yeah, It's good to contribute. I'm contributing to him by getting into Phlebotomy school and getting a job that can help pay for things for him.

But seriously? Boys need to become men. I'm not saying that men are the head of the household and men are the submissive role, but keep things 50/50?

ok so now i'm confused lol. (sorry i have dyspraxia so apologies )

your guy sounds like a decent guy but also sounds like a nice guy, i dunno i'm just confused as to what is the difference between the 'nice guy' which girls really can't stand and the nice guy which girls really really like and then the bad boys? because i don't mean to sound harsh here but algernon your guy doesn't sound like a bad boy or a push over. ok now i've confused myself, mabye i should just shut up haha. sorrry let me go away for a bit and have a think as to what i'm confused about lol.

[mkat]

people settle for the love they think they deserve.

[PSY]

There are so, SO many reasons why a woman may be willing to date an absolute jerk. They may value great sex and "bragging rights" for having a hot boyfriend, more than they value love and mutual respect. They may desire financial security over emotional security. They may see themselves as unworthy or unlovable, and therefore cannot bring themselves to be with someone who DOES see them as worthy and lovable.

[Sonofalich]

Attraction, attraction , attraction.